Music— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and natural: start with a clear topic sentence, avoid small grammar slips, and replace awkward phrases. Add one specific example and use a linking word to show contrast when mentioning sad music.

例: I prefer happy music because it energizes me and lifts my mood. For example, I usually play upbeat pop songs when exercising, which keeps me motivated and improves my pace. However, sometimes I listen to sad songs when I want to relax and reflect.

提案: Avoid repetition and correct grammar: use a concise topic sentence, vary vocabulary (energize, invigorate), and use linking words to connect the example. Replace awkward modal 'would like to hear' with simple present for routines.

例: Yes, happy music definitely energizes me and helps me stay motivated. For instance, when I exercise I play upbeat pop tracks because they invigorate me and help me keep focus and maintain a faster pace.

提案: Good content and specific detail—improve natural phrasing and tighten structure: state your experience, then explain with clear linking words. Replace 'from the lesson that I learned' with a smoother phrase and remove redundant words.

例: Yes. I'm a musician and I've played the violin for over ten years. From my lessons, I've learned that whether music sounds happy or sad often depends on the tempo and the melody: faster rhythms and major keys tend to feel cheerful, while slower tempos and minor melodies feel melancholy.

提案: Fix grammar and word choice, be concise and consistent: use simple present for habits, correct continuous forms, and choose accurate vocabulary (e.g., 'lo-fi' or 'calm instrumental' instead of 'slum'). Use linking words to contrast purposes.

例: Yes, I always listen to music when I'm working. For tasks that require concentration I play calm instrumental or lo-fi tracks to help me focus, while for exercise I choose upbeat, fast songs to stay motivated.

× I prefer happy music because it gives energy to me and it can light up my mood.

✓ I prefer happy music because it gives me energy and can lift my mood.

Use of preposition 'to' after 'gives' is unnecessary; the correct object form is 'gives me energy'. 'Light up my mood' is not idiomatic; use 'lift my mood'. Also omit redundant 'it' before 'can' for conciseness.

× For example, I usually play upbeat pop songs when I'm exercising, and they help me to stay passionate and motivated.

✓ For example, I usually play upbeat pop songs when I exercise, and they help me stay passionate and motivated.

Present continuous 'I'm exercising' is acceptable but simple present 'I exercise' fits habitual action better. Also omit 'to' after 'help' when followed by base verb: 'help me stay' not 'help me to stay' (both are possible, but base verb is more natural here).

× But there are times that I listen to sad music.

✓ But there are times when I listen to sad music.

'Times that' is understandable but less natural; use 'times when' to introduce the clause. This improves sentence structure and flow.

× Definitely, happy music gives the energy for me to stay motivated.

✓ Definitely, happy music gives me the energy to stay motivated.

Use 'gives me the energy' instead of 'gives the energy for me'. 'Give someone energy' is the correct pattern; 'for me' is unnecessary and awkwardly placed.

× For example, during exercise, I would like to hear happy music such as the upbeat pop song.

✓ For example, during exercise, I like to hear happy music such as upbeat pop songs.

Tense: 'would like' suggests hypothetical preference; use simple present 'I like' for habitual action. Use plural 'upbeat pop songs' to match general reference. Remove definite article 'the' before 'upbeat pop song' when speaking generally.

× It could help me to stay energetic and also be focused on the task that I'm doing.

✓ It can help me stay energetic and focused on the task I'm doing.

Use 'can' instead of 'could'—'can' fits general truth/habit. Omit 'to' after 'help' and combine parallel adjectives 'energetic and focused'. Remove redundant 'that' in 'task that I'm doing' for conciseness.

× Yes, actually I'm a musician.

✓ Yes, actually I'm a musician.

No grammatical error detected that matches provided list; sentence is correct, so no change is needed.

× I've played the violin for more than 10 years already, and from the lesson that I learned, I understand that happy and sad music mostly depends on the rhythm as well as the melody, the tune of the song.

✓ I've played the violin for more than 10 years, and from the lessons I've learned, I understand that whether music sounds happy or sad mostly depends on rhythm and melody.

'Already' is unnecessary and awkward with 'for more than 10 years' in present perfect. 'Lesson that I learned' should be plural 'lessons I've learned'. Use 'whether music sounds happy or sad' for clarity. Remove redundant 'the tune of the song' and simplify to 'rhythm and melody'.

× I will always listening to music whenever I have been given a task to do.

✓ I always listen to music whenever I have a task to do.

Incorrect verb form: 'will always listening' mixes future auxiliary with present participle; correct is 'I always listen' for habitual action. 'Whenever I have been given a task' is awkward; use present simple 'whenever I have a task'.

× For instance, when I have a task to finish, I would choose to listen to some relaxing slum music in order to help me focus.

✓ For instance, when I have a task to finish, I choose to listen to some relaxing slow music to help me focus.

'Would choose' implies conditional; use 'choose' for habitual action. 'Slum music' is incorrect word choice; likely intended 'slow music'. 'In order to help me focus' can be shortened to 'to help me focus'. Avoid unnecessary words.

× When I'm exercising, I would choose some upbeat fast music to help me stay motivated.

✓ When I exercise, I choose upbeat, fast music to help me stay motivated.

Replace 'I'm exercising' with simple present 'I exercise' for habitual action. 'Would choose' suggests conditional; use 'choose'. Add comma between adjectives 'upbeat, fast' for clarity; both adjectives modify 'music'.