Music— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be concise and correct grammar: use singular/plural agreement and avoid repetition. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one specific supporting detail using a linking word. Keep to 2–3 sentences and choose precise vocabulary (e.g., ‘uplifted’ instead of ‘happier and so excited’).

例: I prefer happy music because it lifts my mood. For example, when I go outside I often play upbeat songs with positive melodies and motivating lyrics, which give me energy for the day.

提案: Avoid filler words (uh, umm) and be precise. Give one clear reason and use linking words to connect ideas. Use correct forms (music is singular) and clearer vocabulary for tempo and rhythm.

例: Yes. Happy music makes me feel more excited because it usually has upbeat tempo and positive lyrics, which energize me and make me want to move or smile.

提案: Provide a clear and accurate topic sentence, then give one specific detail about what you learned. Avoid unclear phrases (‘Colours It’, ‘stomach ABS’). If you mean breath control or abdominal support, use those terms.

例: Yes, I have taken singing lessons. During the classes I learned breath control and how to use abdominal support to project my voice on stage.

提案: Answer directly, remove fillers, and use proper verb forms. Use one specific example and name a common device or app instead of vague labels. Keep it to two sentences.

例: Yes, I often listen to music while I work. For example, I play instrumental playlists on my laptop when I write essays because they help me concentrate.

× I prefer happy music because they makes me feel happier and so excited even in simple daily typical daily life.

✓ I prefer happy music because it makes me feel happier and so excited even in simple daily life.

The subject 'music' is an uncountable or singular noun and should be referred to with the singular pronoun 'it', not 'they'. Also 'makes' agrees with singular 'it'. Removed duplicate adjective 'typical' and adjusted word order for natural phrasing. Suggestion: Use 'it' for uncountable nouns like 'music' and keep adjective order natural (e.g., 'simple daily life').

× For example, whenever I go outside, I listen to the happy music with a positive melody and lyrics that will give me energy.

✓ For example, whenever I go outside, I listen to happy music with a positive melody and lyrics that give me energy.

The verb phrase 'that will give' is not incorrect grammatically but 'give' (simple present) is more natural when stating a general fact. Also 'the happy music' is unnatural; use 'happy music' (no article) for general reference. Ensure third-person singular verbs match their subjects; 'lyrics' are plural and take 'give'. Suggestion: Use simple present for habitual or general statements ('lyrics that give me energy').

× Yes, of course, the happy music makes me feel more excited uh because happy music include positive lyrics, speed, high speed, a rhythm and also uh with rhythmical.

✓ Yes, of course, happy music makes me feel more excited because happy music includes positive lyrics, a fast tempo, and a strong rhythm.

Subject-verb agreement: 'happy music' is singular/uncountable so the verb should be 'includes', not 'include'. 'Speed, high speed' is awkward; use 'a fast tempo' or 'upbeat tempo'. 'With rhythmical' is incorrect adjective usage; use 'a strong rhythm' or 'rhythmic patterns'. Suggestion: Ensure verbs agree with singular/uncountable subjects and choose natural collocations ('fast tempo', 'rhythmic').

× Yes, I have taken musical classes for Colours It.

✓ Yes, I have taken music classes for Colours It.

The phrase 'musical classes' is not wrong but 'music classes' is more idiomatic. The tense 'have taken' (present perfect) is appropriate for past experience, so only wording needed correction. If 'Colours It' is a proper noun, keep it capitalized as given. Suggestion: Use idiomatic noun phrases ('music classes') when describing types of classes.

× During the classes I learned how to create sound using my stomach ABS in singing on the stage.

✓ During the classes I learned how to create sound using my abdominal muscles when singing on stage.

Preposition and phrasing issues: 'in singing on the stage' is awkward; use 'when singing on stage'. 'Stomach ABS' is informal and unclear; 'abdominal muscles' is the correct noun phrase. Also remove the article 'the' before 'stage' for general reference. Suggestion: Use 'when' for actions that occur during another action and prefer standard anatomical terms ('abdominal muscles').

× Yes, I often listen to music doing, umm, my tasks.

✓ Yes, I often listen to music while doing my tasks.

The gerund phrase needs the preposition 'while' to show simultaneous actions: 'listen to music while doing my tasks'. Without 'while' the sentence is ungrammatical. Suggestion: Use 'while' before verb+ing phrases to indicate simultaneous actions.

× For example, whenever I doing my essay writing assignments by using laptops, I often listen to my music by using S music.

✓ For example, whenever I am doing my essay writing assignments on my laptop, I often listen to music using S Music.

'Whenever I doing' lacks the auxiliary verb; use continuous tense 'I am doing' or 'I do' depending on meaning. Use 'on my laptop' not 'by using laptops' for natural preposition. 'Listen to my music by using S music' is wordy; 'listen to music using S Music' is clearer. Capitalize proper names consistently. Suggestion: Use correct auxiliary verbs with present continuous ('I am doing') and prefer 'on my laptop' for devices; simplify redundant phrases.