Music— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and natural. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid repetition (e.g., “happy” and “positive” used repeatedly), and add one specific example with a linking phrase. Use varied vocabulary such as upbeat, energetic, or uplifting.

例: I prefer happy music because it lifts my mood and keeps me energetic. For example, when I go for a walk I usually play upbeat songs with a fast tempo, which helps me stay motivated and enjoy the exercise.

提案: Make the answer more fluent and grammatically correct. Use a topic sentence, then give one clear reason with linking words. Avoid hesitations and repeated words like “positive.”

例: Yes, happy music does make me more excited because the upbeat melody and fast tempo increase my energy. As a result, I feel more motivated and ready to be active.

提案: Provide a complete, well-structured response. Start with a clear statement about the type and duration of classes, then add one specific detail about what you learned, using linking words. Avoid trailing off mid-sentence.

例: Yes, I have taken singing lessons for about a year. During the classes I learned breathing techniques and vocal placement, which helped me control pitch and sing more confidently.

提案: Respond with a complete, fluent sentence and give a specific reason and example. Use suitable linking words and correct grammar (e.g., “while doing assignments” not “during I doing”). Finish the thought—explain the purpose clearly.

例: Yes, I often listen to music while doing assignments on my laptop. For example, when I write essays in the library I play instrumental or low-lyric tracks because they help me concentrate and maintain a steady pace.

× I prefer happy music because happy music makes me feel happier and positive.

✓ I prefer happy music because it makes me feel happier and more positive.

The sentence uses 'positive' as if parallel to 'happier' but lacks a parallel structure and appropriate modifier. Use 'more positive' to match the comparative 'happier' and replace the repeated noun with a pronoun 'it' to avoid repetition. Suggestion: keep parallel comparatives (happier and more positive) and use pronouns to reduce redundancy.

× For example whenever I go outside like for walking, I listen to very positive up tempo and positive rhythm music like.

✓ For example, whenever I go outside for a walk, I listen to very upbeat, positive rhythm music.

The original has redundant filler words ('like'), incorrect phrase 'for walking', and awkward adjective order. Use the noun phrase 'for a walk' and 'upbeat' instead of 'up tempo' and remove trailing 'like'. Also place adjectives in correct order ('upbeat, positive rhythm music'). Add a comma after 'For example'.

× Yes, that kind of music makes me. Feel more excited because thanks to the positive melody and up tempo and also positive, uh, atmosphere.

✓ Yes, that kind of music makes me feel more excited because of the positive melody, upbeat tempo, and positive atmosphere.

The original has an unnecessary full stop splitting the sentence and disfluent fillers ('uh'), and inconsistent terms ('up tempo'). Combine into one sentence, remove fillers, use 'because of' to show cause, and list causes with parallel nouns ('melody, tempo, atmosphere'). Use 'upbeat tempo' for natural phrasing.

× Yes, I have taken music classes for, uh singing.

✓ Yes, I have taken music classes for singing.

The original contains a filler 'uh' that should be omitted. Grammatically, 'have taken' is correct present perfect for past experience; just remove the filler and extra comma. Suggestion: avoid fillers in responses to sound clearer.

× During the class I studied how to create voices for singing in the.

✓ During the class I learned how to develop vocal techniques for singing.

The original ends abruptly with 'in the.' and uses awkward phrasing 'create voices.' Replace with 'learned' (common collocation for skills) and 'develop vocal techniques' for clarity and complete the thought. Ensure sentences are complete and idiomatic.

× Yes, I listen to the music during I doing assignment tasks by using a laptop.

✓ Yes, I listen to music while doing assignment tasks on my laptop.

The original misuses 'during' with a clause ('during I doing') and awkward 'by using a laptop.' Use 'while' to introduce a continuous action and 'on my laptop' to indicate the device. Also drop 'the' before 'music' when speaking generally.

× For example, when I write essays in the library, I listen to music to increase my.

✓ For example, when I write essays in the library, I listen to music to increase my concentration.

The sentence ends incomplete with 'my.' Provide the intended noun 'concentration' (or 'focus'). Ensure sentences are complete and state the effect clearly.