Music— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid tense/person inconsistencies, and limit to max 4–5 sentences. Add a brief reason with a linking word. Replace awkward phrases like “the one who loved” with “I prefer” and correct verb forms.

例: I prefer sad music, especially at dawn. I find it calming because the world is quiet and the melodies feel tranquil. This helps me reflect and start the day more peacefully.

提案: Use a clear topic sentence and more natural linking words. Avoid repetition (“do jogging or I do exercises”) and filler phrases. Use simple, accurate vocabulary and tighten the sentence structure.

例: It depends on the situation. When I go jogging or exercise, I listen to energetic music because it motivates me and makes me feel more excited. In quieter situations I prefer calmer songs.

提案: Correct grammar, reduce hesitations, and organize information logically. Use past tense consistently, avoid filler words, and quantify experience clearly. Keep within five sentences and link details with words like “for example” or “for instance.”

例: Yes, I took one elective at university called Kun Shu Appreciation, which studies traditional opera. For example, I spent about 20 hours listening to recordings and watching documentaries to learn about its music and history. It was a fascinating cultural experience.

提案: Avoid starting with conjunctions and correct grammar and word choice. Make two contrasting points clearly with linking words like “however” or “on the other hand.” Remove fillers and unclear phrases (“having meetings our happiness”).

例: Sometimes I listen to music while exercising because it gives me energy. However, I avoid music during serious occasions, such as exam preparation or formal meetings, because I need to concentrate and show respect.

× Actually, I'm the one who loved listening sorrowful music at dawn because at that time I would feel like the world is quiet and full of tranquility.

✓ Actually, I'm the one who loves listening to sorrowful music at dawn because at that time I feel like the world is quiet and full of tranquility.

Errors: incorrect past 'loved' instead of present 'loves' (present tense fits habitual preference) and missing preposition 'to' after 'listening'. Also 'would feel like' is awkward for habitual present; use 'feel'. Suggestion: use present simple for habits: 'loves', 'listening to', 'feel'. Grammar problem type ID: 8

× It depends on the occasions and for example if I do jogging or I do exercises, I will choose to listen some very energetic music to light me up and at that time I will feel like more excited.

✓ It depends on the occasion; for example, if I go jogging or do exercise, I will choose to listen to very energetic music to light me up and at that time I will feel more excited.

Errors: 'occasions' better singular 'occasion' in this context, 'do jogging' → 'go jogging', 'do exercises' → 'do exercise', missing 'to' after 'listen', unnecessary 'some', 'feel like more excited' should be 'feel more excited'. Suggestions: use correct verbs with activities and include preposition 'to' after 'listen'. Grammar problem type ID: 11

× Yes I have. I have chosen 1 elective course during my university life.

✓ Yes, I have. I chose one elective course during my university studies.

Errors: 'have chosen' is present perfect but 'during my university life' implies a past completed period; simple past 'chose' is preferable. Use 'one' instead of '1' and 'university studies' is a natural phrase. Suggestion: use simple past for completed actions in the past. Grammar problem type ID: 5

× I still remember the course name is Kun Shu Appreciation course and it is a form of our traditional operas.

✓ I still remember the course name: Kun Shu Appreciation, and it is a form of our traditional opera.

Errors: awkward phrasing 'the course name is' — better 'the course name: ...'. 'Operas' should be singular 'opera' when referring to the art form in general. Suggestion: use a colon or 'called' to introduce the course name and use correct singular for the art form. Grammar problem type ID: 17

× So during that semesters I spent about umm, 20 hours to listening and read some uh, relevant videos and documentaries.

✓ So during that semester I spent about 20 hours listening to and reading about some relevant articles and documentaries.

Errors: 'that semesters' should be singular 'that semester'; 'to listening' incorrect - use 'listening to'; parallelism issue 'listening and read' should be 'listening to and reading about'. 'Videos' and 'documentaries' overlap; 'articles' is clearer with documentaries. Suggestion: ensure noun number agreement and parallel verb forms. Grammar problem type ID: 27

× And sometimes I will listen some music during exercise to gain energy from the music.

✓ Sometimes I listen to music during exercise to gain energy from it.

Errors: unnecessary 'And' at sentence start, missing 'to' after 'listen', 'some music' is acceptable but 'music' is sufficient, and pronoun 'it' avoids repetition. Suggestion: remove filler 'And', use 'listen to', and use pronoun for cohesion. Grammar problem type ID: 12

× While for another occasions, especially very serious occasion, for example preparing exams and having meetings our happiness, I will definitely not choose to umm listening to music 'cause I need to show respect for others.

✓ For other occasions, especially very serious ones, for example when preparing for exams or attending meetings, I definitely do not listen to music because I need to show respect for others.

Errors: 'While for another occasions' incorrect; use 'For other occasions'. 'very serious occasion' → 'very serious ones'. Missing 'when' and preposition 'for' in 'preparing for exams'. 'having meetings our happiness' is garbled; change to 'attending meetings'. 'not choose to listening' wrong; use 'do not listen'. Replace colloquial ''cause' with 'because'. Suggestion: simplify structure, correct prepositions and verb forms, and avoid informal contractions in formal speech. Grammar problem type ID: 11}]} (Note: Grammar problem type IDs are provided in the explanations above.)