Music— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Make the answer clearer and more concise. Start with a direct topic sentence, then give one or two specific reasons with linking words. Correct grammar (verb forms, articles) and avoid repetition. For example, say you prefer sad music because it helps you process emotions and relax; add a brief specific example.

例: I prefer sad music because it helps me process difficult emotions and feel calmer. For instance, when I’m upset about a relationship, I listen to slow songs that reflect my feelings, which helps me relieve anxiety and relax.

提案: Give a concise topic sentence and one specific supporting detail. Remove hesitations and repetitions, and use linking words like 'because' or 'for example'. Mention who you dance with and describe the situation briefly.

例: Yes, happy music makes me feel excited because I often dance with my family and cousins. For example, at family gatherings we play upbeat songs and dancing together makes the occasion lively and fun.

提案: Be careful with sensitive statements about religion—use precise, cautious language. Provide a clear topic sentence and one brief clarification. Fix grammar (use 'I have never taken'). If the prohibition is personal or family-based rather than universal, say so. Offer a short example about listening privately.

例: No, I have never taken music classes. Although my family follows a conservative interpretation of Islam that discourages formal music lessons, I sometimes listen to songs privately because I enjoy them.

提案: Keep the answer concise and use linking words like 'because' and 'for example'. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one specific detail about how music helps (e.g., improves mood or focus). Avoid vague endings.

例: Yes, I often listen to music while doing housework because it makes chores less boring and helps me work faster. For example, when I mop or dust I play upbeat songs and feel more energetic and motivated.

× I prefer sad music because when I remember sad and wanted to be alone that time I looked to listen sad music which relate to my relation and that helps me to relieve from my anxiety and I felt relaxed that's why I prefer sad music.

✓ I prefer sad music because when I remember sad times and want to be alone, I like to listen to sad music that relates to my relationships; it helps relieve my anxiety and makes me feel relaxed, so I prefer sad music.

Multiple tense and verb-form errors: 'remember sad and wanted' mixes present and past; use present simple 'remember' and 'want' for general feelings. 'looked to listen' is incorrect collocation; use 'like to listen to'. 'which relate to my relation' is awkward and uses wrong verb form and noun; use 'that relates to my relationships' or 'that relates to my past/personal relationships' and keep subject-verb agreement. 'helps me to relieve from my anxiety' is unidiomatic; use 'helps relieve my anxiety'. 'I felt relaxed' should match general present preference: use 'makes me feel relaxed'. Suggestion: keep consistent present tense for habitual feelings and use correct verb forms and prepositions.

× Yes, happy music makes me feel excited because whenever I listen happy music, I listen with the music with my family and my cousins, and we love to dance with the music. So I am I am I, So I'm very happy with that and also being excited for that.

✓ Yes, happy music makes me feel excited because whenever I listen to happy music, I listen with my family and cousins, and we love to dance. So I feel very happy and excited.

Errors: missing preposition 'to' after 'listen' (incorrect use of verb + preposition). Redundant and awkward phrases 'I listen with the music with my family' — remove duplicate 'with the music' and simplify to 'listen with my family and cousins'. Repetition 'I am I am I' is disfluent; replace with 'I feel'. Use parallel adjectives 'happy and excited'. Keep present simple for habitual actions.

× No, I never taken any music classes because I'm a Muslim and in the religion of Muslim it is prohibited to learn music. But sometimes I can't resist myself from listening music. So I I did listen but I never take any classes.

✓ No, I have never taken any music classes because I am a Muslim and, in my religion, it is prohibited to learn music. But sometimes I cannot resist listening to music, so I do listen, but I have never taken any classes.

Errors: 'I never taken' is incorrect past perfect/simple: use present perfect 'I have never taken' for life experience. 'I'm a Muslim and in the religion of Muslim' is awkward; use 'I am a Muslim and, in my religion,'. 'can't resist myself from listening music' uses incorrect reflexive and preposition; use 'cannot resist listening to music' (no reflexive, add 'to'). 'So I I did listen' has repetition and wrong tense; use 'so I do listen'. Final clause 'but I never take any classes' should use present perfect 'have never taken' to match 'never taken' experience.

× Yes, when I clean, when I am cleaning my house or dusting it or mopping it, I love to listen music because you know that mopping, dusting and cleaning houses are a boring job and when you are doing something with your favorite work like music, it helps to make you feel.

✓ Yes, when I clean my house, dust, or mop, I love to listen to music because mopping, dusting, and cleaning are boring jobs, and doing them with your favorite thing, like music, helps you feel better.

Issues: unnecessary repeated clauses 'when I clean, when I am cleaning' — simplify to one. Missing preposition 'to' after 'listen' — use 'listen to music'. 'are a boring job' has singular article with plural subjects; use 'are boring jobs' (singular vs plural agreement). 'when you are doing something with your favorite work like music' is unidiomatic: use 'doing them with your favorite thing, like music'. Final fragment 'it helps to make you feel' is incomplete; specify 'helps you feel better'. Also ensure gerunds and parallel verb forms ('clean, dust, or mop').