Music— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Improve clarity, grammar and coherence. Start with a clear topic sentence stating preference, then give one or two specific reasons with correct verb forms and linking words. Keep it within 2–4 sentences and avoid redundancy.

例: I prefer upbeat, happy music to sad songs because it lifts my mood and helps me relax. For example, after a long, stressful day I play energetic pop music to cheer myself up and forget my worries.

提案: Correct subject–verb agreement and provide a specific reason or example. Use a linking phrase to connect your idea to an example. One or two supporting sentences are sufficient.

例: Definitely — happy music makes me feel more excited because it often has strong rhythms and lively drums. For instance, songs with a strong beat make me want to dance or move, which boosts my energy.

提案: Clarify the time and level of study using correct tense and vocabulary. Say when you took lessons, what you learned, and give one specific detail about the lessons. Avoid fragmented sentences.

例: Yes, I took beginner piano lessons when I was six years old. I learned basic scales and simple classical pieces in a small classroom where the teacher focused on technique and reading music.

提案: Make sentences clear and relevant: state activities and explain how music helps with a clear example. Fix vocabulary (e.g., cleaning, studying, cooking) and grammar, and avoid unclear fragments. Use 2–3 concise sentences.

例: Yes, I often listen to music while doing other tasks, especially when I'm cleaning or studying, because it helps me stay focused and motivated. For example, upbeat songs boost my energy when I tidy my room or fold laundry.

× I prefer habit on beat music to set songs because it usually leaves my mood and helps my relax.

✓ I prefer upbeat music to set songs because it usually lifts my mood and helps me relax.

Incorrect prepositions and word choices: 'habit on beat' is incorrect for 'upbeat'; 'to set songs' unclear—kept as 'to set songs' but likely 'to set the mood' could be intended; 'leaves my mood' should be 'lifts my mood'; 'helps my relax' needs object pronoun 'me'. Suggestion: use correct collocations ('upbeat music', 'lifts my mood', 'helps me relax') and place object pronouns after verbs.

× For simple when I feel down after a long day to cheer myself and forget my worries.

✓ For example, when I feel down after a long day, I listen to it to cheer myself up and forget my worries.

Sentence fragment and wrong connector: 'For simple' should be 'For example'; original lacks main verb and subject. Also 'cheer myself' needs particle 'up' in this context. Suggestion: use a complete clause with subject and verb and correct phrase 'cheer myself up'.

× The happy music usually use a lot of drum and I think it can make me feel more excited.

✓ Happy music usually uses a lot of drums, and I think it can make me feel more excited.

Subject-verb agreement: 'music' as a singular noun requires 'uses'. Count noun 'drum' should be plural 'drums'. Also add conjunction comma for clarity. Suggestion: match verb form to subject and pluralize count nouns when appropriate.

× Yes, I have third piano before when I was six years old.

✓ Yes, I learned to play the piano when I was six years old.

Incorrect tense and word order: 'have third piano before' is ungrammatical. Use simple past 'learned' for a completed action in the past with a specific time ('when I was six'). Also use correct expression 'learned to play the piano.' Suggestion: use simple past for finished past events and proper verb phrases.

× I have learned piano in a small classroom and the classroom is including a lot of. Music classic.

✓ I learned piano in a small classroom that included many classical music pieces.

Awkward structure and fragments: 'is including a lot of. Music classic.' is fragmented and incorrect. Use past tense 'learned' and restructure to 'included many classical music pieces' or 'classical music'. Suggestion: avoid sentence fragments and use clear noun phrases ('classical music pieces').

× Yes, I often listen to music while doing other tests, especially when I'm cleaning or starting because it helps me stay focus and motivate.

✓ Yes, I often listen to music while doing other tasks, especially when I'm cleaning or studying, because it helps me stay focused and motivated.

Wrong words and adjective/adverb forms: 'tests' should be 'tasks'; 'starting' likely meant 'studying'; 'stay focus' needs adverb 'focused'; 'motivate' should be adjective 'motivated'. Also add comma before 'because'. Suggestion: choose correct vocabulary and proper adjective/adverb forms (focused, motivated).

× For example, outbid plate.

✓ For example, it boosts my energy when I do housework.

Nonsensical fragment: 'outbid plate' is unintelligible. Context suggests an example of boosting energy during chores. Provide a clear, complete sentence that fits context. Suggestion: replace unclear fragments with explicit examples ('it boosts my energy when I do housework').

× This boosts my energy during clothes where?

✓ This boosts my energy while I do laundry or other chores.

Confused phrasing and question mark: 'during clothes where?' is ungrammatical. Use a clear time/ activity phrase such as 'while I do laundry or other chores.' Suggestion: state the activity clearly and avoid stray question marks.