Music— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Cải thiện rõ ràng và chính xác trong câu chủ đề, giảm sự lặp từ và sai ngữ pháp. Cụ thể: (1) Trình bày trực tiếp lựa chọn trước rồi giải thích ngắn gọn; (2) Tránh lặp từ như “bad bad” và “I I”; (3) Sử dụng tính từ và trạng từ đúng (ví dụ: slow -> slowly dùng sai, nên dùng “slow” hoặc cụm “slow-tempo”); (4) Giữ độ dài ≤5 câu và dùng liên từ để kết nối ý nếu cần.

例: I usually choose music based on my mood. When I feel down, I prefer slow-tempo, melancholic songs because they help me reflect and calm down. If I’m cheerful, I pick upbeat tracks to maintain my energy.

提案: Cải thiện ngữ pháp và từ vựng, loại bỏ tiếng lắp và cấu trúc lặp. Cụ thể: (1) Sử dụng danh từ không đếm được “music” thay vì “musics”; (2) Dùng thì và động từ đúng (“it helps lift my mood”); (3) Nói gọn, trực tiếp và thêm một ví dụ ngắn; (4) Dùng liên từ hoặc trạng từ để làm mạch lạc câu.

例: Absolutely. I think music is a powerful tool to change emotions. For example, happy songs with energetic rhythms usually lift my mood and make me feel more enthusiastic.

提案: Cải thiện ngữ pháp, từ vựng chuyên ngành và cấu trúc câu. Cụ thể: (1) Dùng thì hoàn chỉnh: “I haven’t taken part” hoặc “I haven’t had any music lessons”; (2) Thay “glad musics” bằng “formal music lessons” hoặc “singing lessons”; (3) Nói rõ phương pháp học: “online tutorial on YouTube” và mục đích “to control my voice”; (4) Giữ câu ngắn, rõ ý.

例: No, I haven’t taken any formal music lessons. However, I have followed some singing tutorials on YouTube to learn basic voice control and moderation, so I can sing more steadily without overdoing it.

提案: Cải thiện tính chính xác và mạch lạc, loại bỏ lỗi từ vựng và ngữ pháp. Cụ thể: (1) Loại bỏ cụm vô nghĩa như “doing forever today”; (2) Sửa động từ phù hợp: “it helps” thay vì “it have helps”; (3) Nêu rõ lợi ích với ví dụ cụ thể; (4) Dùng liên từ để nối câu và tránh lặp từ (“makes the time pass more quickly” đủ một lần).

例: Yes, I often listen to music while doing boring tasks such as tidying my room or doing homework. It helps me stay focused and makes time pass more quickly, especially when I choose instrumental or low-lyric tracks.

× It mostly depends on my mood of that day.

✓ It mostly depends on my mood that day.

Use 'depend on' followed by 'my mood that day' without 'of'. 'Of that day' is unnecessary and unidiomatic; remove 'of' to make the prepositional phrase correct.

× Uh, let me say it more particular if I have a bad bad feeling of that is I I would like to choose a deep and slowly vibe music.

✓ Let me be more specific: if I have a bad feeling, I would choose deep, slow music.

The original is ungrammatical and wordy. Use 'be more specific' instead of 'say it more particular'. 'Bad bad feeling of that' is incorrect; use 'a bad feeling'. 'Slowly' is an adverb but we need the adjective 'slow' to describe music. 'Vibe' is informal; 'music' alone suffices. Also fix repetition and word order.

× I find musics like a tool to modify feeling.

✓ I find music to be a tool for modifying feelings.

'Music' is an uncountable noun, not 'musics'. Use 'music' and 'feelings' (plural) or 'feeling' with an article. Also 'find music to be' and 'a tool for modifying' is more natural.

× Uh, it have it like it have a happy mood, it could help my emotion up.

✓ It has a happy mood; it can lift my mood.

Use third-person singular verb 'has' not 'have'. 'Could help my emotion up' is awkward; use 'can lift my mood' or 'help improve my mood' for natural phrasing.

× I don't think so, I haven't take part in any glad musics so far but I have engaged in some simple calls in YouTube that help me how to control my voice.

✓ I don't think so; I haven't taken part in any joyful music classes so far, but I have followed some simple lessons on YouTube that help me learn how to control my voice.

Use present perfect 'haven't taken' (past participle 'taken' required). 'Glad musics' is incorrect; use 'joyful music classes' or 'singing classes'. 'Calls' should be 'classes' or 'lessons'. 'On YouTube' not 'in YouTube'. Also rephrase 'help me how to' to 'help me learn how to'.

× Not too deep, not to hype.

✓ Not too deep, not too hype.

'to hype' is incorrect here; use 'too' to indicate degree. Consider 'not too deep, not too hype' though 'hype' is slang; better: 'not too deep, not too upbeat'.

× Yes, I often listen to music when I'm doing forever today on boring tasks like tidying my room or doing simple school work, it have helps.

✓ Yes, I often listen to music when I'm doing boring tasks today, like tidying my room or doing simple schoolwork; it helps.

Remove nonsensical phrase 'doing forever' and reposition 'today'. 'School work' should be 'schoolwork'. Use singular 'helps' (third person) not 'have helps'. Join clauses properly with a semicolon or period.

× It helps me stay focused and makes me makes the time pass more quickly.

✓ It helps me stay focused and makes the time pass more quickly.

Original had duplicate 'makes me makes'—remove the extra 'makes'. Use third-person singular 'makes' once to agree with subject 'it'.