Music— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Cevap açık fakat dağınık ve dolgu kelimeleri fazla. Daha doğrudan bir konu cümlesi kur, fazladan tekrarları çıkar ve hangi türleri sevdiğini kısaca belirt. Bağlaçlarla duruma bağlılığı netleştir (for example, when/if). Cümle sayısını 3–4’te tut ve gereksiz “umm”/“uh” kullanımlarını azalt.

例: I usually prefer happy music because it lifts my mood. I mainly listen to Turkish pop and sometimes rock. However, if I’m feeling depressed, I tend to choose slower, sad songs to match my mood.

提案: Cevap fikir veriyor ama dilbilgisi hataları ve belirsiz ifadeler var. 'Many research show' yerine doğru yapı (Many studies show) kullan. Net bir ana cümle kur, ardından kısa destekleyici sebep ver. Tekrarlardan kaçın ve gereksiz dolgu sözcüklerini çıkar.

例: Yes, I think happy music makes me feel more excited because it energizes me and improves my mood. For example, upbeat songs help me feel more motivated when I’m exercising.

提案: Cevap net ve ilgili ama zaman ve tekrar sorunları var. 'When I was in high school' gibi doğru zaman ifadesi kullan. Tekrar eden 'very challenging' yerine farklı bir açıklama ekle (why it was hard). Bir sonuç cümlesi ekleyebilirsin (I stopped/continued etc.).

例: I took violin lessons when I was in high school, but I found them difficult because I struggled with finger coordination. My friends progressed faster, so I felt overwhelmed and eventually stopped taking lessons.

提案: Cevap açık ancak dilbilgisi hataları ve tekrarlar var. 'Listening to music positively affects my focus on daily tasks' gibi düzgün bir konu cümlesi kur. Bir veya iki kısa örnek vererek destekle ve bağlaçlarla cümleleri akıcı yap.

例: Yes, listening to music helps me focus on daily tasks. For example, I often play soft instrumental music while writing essays because it helps me concentrate, and I usually listen to upbeat songs when I’m cleaning my room.

× Well that's an interesting question. Listening music is my favorite activity in daily life and generally I prefer umm happy music but it depends on my situation and feelings.

✓ Well that's an interesting question. Listening to music is my favorite activity in daily life and generally I prefer happy music, but it depends on my situation and feelings.

Use of the gerund 'listening' requires the preposition to: 'listening to music'. Include a comma before the conjunction 'but' when joining independent clauses. Remove extra filler words for clarity.

× Umm Generally I I prefer a Turkish pop and also rock but when I feel depressed I prefer to.

✓ Generally I prefer Turkish pop and rock, but when I feel depressed I prefer sad music.

Do not use the indefinite article 'a' before uncountable or genre nouns like 'Turkish pop' and 'rock'. The clause 'I prefer to' is incomplete; supply the object 'sad music' or rephrase. Remove repeated words and unnecessary fillers.

× Many research show that uh listening happy music impact on a people's mental umm, health and I believe that happy music is umm, effects our moods positively.

✓ Many studies show that listening to happy music impacts people's mental health, and I believe that happy music affects our moods positively.

Use the plural noun 'studies' instead of 'research' for countable reference, or 'research' as uncountable. 'Show' should agree with plural 'studies'. 'Listening' needs 'to': 'listening to happy music'. 'Impact' requires third person singular form 'impacts'. Remove unnecessary articles: 'a people's' is incorrect; use 'people's'. 'Is effects' is ungrammatical; use 'affects'.

× When I was high school, I had taken violin lessons, but it's very challenging.

✓ When I was in high school, I took violin lessons, but it was very challenging.

Use the simple past 'took' for a completed action at a specific past time. Do not use past perfect 'had taken' unless referring to an earlier action relative to another past action. Include 'in' with 'high school'. Match tense in the second clause: 'was' not 'is'.

× It was very challenging for me because my friends could play violin effectively, but I couldn't do that and I feel more overwhelmed and anxious.

✓ It was very challenging for me because my friends could play the violin well, but I couldn't, and I felt very overwhelmed and anxious.

Use the noun phrase 'the violin' when referring to the instrument. Use 'well' (adverb) instead of 'effectively' for ability. Keep past tense 'felt' to match 'was' and 'could'. Remove redundancy and improve cohesion.

× I agree that listening music is positively affect on my focusing daily tasks.

✓ I agree that listening to music positively affects my focus on daily tasks.

Use 'listening to' with the preposition 'to'. Use third person singular verb 'affects'. 'Focusing daily tasks' is awkward; use 'focus on daily tasks' or 'my concentration during daily tasks'.

× It means that when I uh, write an essay with listening music, I I focus on better than UMM without listening music.

✓ It means that when I write an essay while listening to music, I focus better than when I write without music.

Use 'while listening to music' rather than 'with listening music'. 'Focus better' is correct word order; include 'when' for the compared situation. Avoid filler words and repetition.

× And also when I clean my room, definitely I listen music.

✓ Also, when I clean my room, I definitely listen to music.

Use 'listen to music' with the preposition 'to'. Place adverb 'definitely' in a natural position, and remove unnecessary 'and' at the start.