Music— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Cải thiện: (1) Ngữ pháp: sửa thì và động từ (ví dụ: 'open' thay vì 'opens'), loại bỏ từ sáo rỗng; (2) Rõ ràng, mạch lạc: bắt đầu bằng câu chủ đề ngắn gọn, sau đó nêu 1–2 chi tiết cụ thể; (3) Từ vựng phù hợp: tránh dùng từ không chính xác như 'puppy songs' nếu bạn muốn nói 'upbeat' hoặc 'cheerful'; (4) Độ dài: giữ dưới 5 câu. Cụ thể, bạn nên nói: chủ đề -> lý do -> ví dụ. Ví dụ cách sửa từng phần: “I prefer happy music because it lifts my mood when I’m down. For instance, upbeat pop songs with catchy melodies help me feel energetic, and I often play them during family gatherings to create a cheerful atmosphere.”

例: I prefer happy music because it lifts my mood when I’m feeling down. For example, upbeat pop songs with catchy melodies cheer me up quickly, and I often play them during family gatherings to create a lively atmosphere.

提案: Cải thiện: (1) Ngữ pháp và số nhiều: 'music' là danh từ không đếm được (không thêm 's'), và 'emotions' cần số ít khi nói chung; (2) Tránh lặp từ: không lặp 'whenever' quá nhiều; (3) Cấu trúc logic: trả lời trực tiếp (Yes/No + reason), rồi nêu ví dụ cụ thể liên quan đến thời điểm; (4) Giữ câu ngắn gọn, tối đa 4–5 câu. Ví dụ nên nêu rõ khi nào và tại sao nhạc vui giúp bạn tập trung hay thư giãn.

例: Yes, happy music usually makes me feel more excited and relaxed when I’ve had a bad day. For example, I often play upbeat songs in the evening to lift my spirits, and they help me concentrate better while doing homework.

提案: Cải thiện: (1) Rõ ràng và chính xác: trả lời trực tiếp rồi giải thích; (2) Ngôn ngữ: tránh từ sai 'maudies' và cấu trúc lộn xộn, dùng 'melodies' hoặc 'tunes'; (3) Lý do cụ thể: nói rõ bạn tự học hay sáng tác như thế nào và cảm xúc khi biểu diễn; (4) Kiểm soát lỗi lặp và ngữ pháp (I am shy, not 'quite shy to').

例: No, I haven't taken formal music classes, but I enjoy composing simple melodies as a hobby. I’m a bit shy about performing in public because I’m not confident in my voice, so I usually keep composing and singing for friends and family only.

提案: Cải thiện: (1) Mạch lạc: trả lời trực tiếp rồi liệt kê 2–3 hoạt động cụ thể; (2) Ngữ pháp và diễn đạt: sửa cấu trúc như 'when I do my homework' và tránh câu lủng củng như 'work something to be quiet'; (3) Sử dụng linking words (for example, when, because) để liên kết ý; (4) Thêm chi tiết cụ thể về loại nhạc cho từng hoạt động để tăng nội dung.

例: Yes, I often listen to music while doing my homework and household chores because it helps me concentrate and lifts my mood. For example, I play instrumental or lo-fi tracks when studying and upbeat songs when cleaning, and I sometimes share playlists with friends when we hang out.

× This is because whenever I have a bad mood, I tend to opens some puppy songs with the catchy melody which happy boosts my mood and it very much.

✓ This is because whenever I am in a bad mood, I tend to open some upbeat puppy songs with catchy melodies that really boost my mood.

'opens' is incorrect after 'tend to' which must be followed by base verb 'open'. 'which happy boosts my mood and it very much' is ungrammatical; use a relative clause 'that really boost my mood'. Use 'am in a bad mood' (idiomatic) and plural 'melodies'. Suggestions: use 'tend to' + base verb; use 'that' to introduce result clause; ensure adjectives fit nouns.

× However, I also turn this happy music to cheer up with my friends or my family in the special occasion.

✓ However, I also play this happy music to cheer up with my friends or my family on special occasions.

'turn this happy music' is awkward; 'play music' is natural. 'in the special occasion' should be 'on special occasions' (use 'on' for days/occasions and plural when speaking generally). 'cheer up with' is acceptable but 'to cheer up' (infinitive purpose) is clearer. Suggestions: use 'play' for listening/playing music; use correct preposition 'on' with 'occasions' and pluralize for general statements.

× Absolutely yes, whenever I listen some happy musics, I feel more excited and comfortable whenever I have a negative emotions in this day.

✓ Absolutely. Whenever I listen to some happy songs, I feel more excited and comfortable when I have negative emotions that day.

'listen' requires the preposition 'to' (listen to). 'musics' is uncountable; use 'songs'. 'whenever' repeated is redundant; use 'when' for a single clause. 'a negative emotions' mixes singular article with plural noun; use 'negative emotions' or 'a negative emotion'. 'in this day' is unnatural; use 'that day'. Suggestions: use 'listen to', correct countable/uncountable nouns, and keep tense/time expressions consistent.

× That's why in the in the end of the day I tend to listen happy music.

✓ That's why at the end of the day I tend to listen to happy music.

'in the in the end of the day' has repetition and wrong preposition; use 'at the end of the day'. 'listen' needs 'to' when followed by an object. Suggestions: remove repeated words and use 'listen to'.

× Whenever I study, I study and do my homework.

✓ Whenever I study, I do my homework.

The sentence repeats 'study' unnecessarily creating awkwardness; the corrected sentence has a single verb phrase 'do my homework' to express the idea. Suggestions: avoid redundant repetition; use one clear verb.

× No, I haven't, although I really like to compose the new songs of you dealing with some catchy maudies.

✓ No, I haven't, although I really like composing new songs with catchy melodies.

'like to compose the new songs of you dealing with some catchy maudies' is ungrammatical. Use 'like composing' or 'like to compose'. 'the new songs of you' is incorrect word order and meaning; use 'new songs'. 'maudies' is a misspelling of 'melodies'. Suggestions: use correct verb form 'like composing' and correct noun 'melodies'.

× However I quite shy to perform it before a lot of people and yes, I I think my voice is not beautiful, so I just consider that like my hobbies.

✓ However, I am quite shy about performing in front of a lot of people, and I think my voice is not pleasant, so I just consider it a hobby.

'I quite shy' lacks the verb 'am' and needs 'shy about' for the gerund. 'perform it' is odd; use 'perform' or 'perform in front of'. 'I I' is repetition. 'consider that like my hobbies' is ungrammatical; use 'consider it a hobby'. Suggestions: include linking verb 'am' for adjectives, use 'about' with 'shy', and correct 'consider it a hobby'.

× Absolutely, yes. I often listen to music whenever I do my homework, do household chores, and sometimes I work something to be quiet and I don't want like that.

✓ Absolutely. I often listen to music while I do my homework, do household chores, and sometimes when I need quiet while working, I still prefer music.

'listen to' is correct but original had 'sometimes I work something to be quiet and I don't want like that' which is ungrammatical. Use 'while' for simultaneous actions. Clarify idea: if they meant they work quietly, but still prefer music, rephrase accordingly. Suggestions: use 'while' for concurrent actions and rephrase unclear parts for clarity.

× I want to uh, promote this atmosphere. So I tend to listen to music together with my friends.

✓ I want to, uh, improve this atmosphere. So I tend to listen to music together with my friends.

'promote this atmosphere' is awkward; likely intended 'improve' or 'create' an atmosphere. 'listen to music together with' is acceptable; ensure 'listen to' included. Suggestions: choose the correct verb ('improve'/'create') to express intent.