Music— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be clearer and more concise. Start with a direct topic sentence (e.g., “I prefer happy music.”), then give one or two specific reasons with linking words. Avoid filler sounds (uh, um) and incorrect phrases like “must be fun of” or “most popular K pop idols.” Use correct nouns (Big Bang is a band) and correct collocations (a fan of, listen to).

例: I prefer happy music. For example, I listen to K-pop bands like Big Bang because their upbeat songs lift my mood and help me feel energetic. Also, I often choose cheerful tracks when I need motivation or to dance.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence and then one or two specific reasons or examples. Avoid vague and contradictory phrases (e.g., “bad music and polite tunes”). Replace fillers and unclear words with precise vocabulary (excited, uplifted, motivated). Keep it within 3–4 sentences.

例: Yes, happy music definitely makes me feel more excited. For instance, cheerful songs with fast rhythms make me feel energized and improve my mood. When I listen to upbeat music while exercising, I perform better and feel more enthusiastic.

提案: Structure your answer: state briefly what you did, then give a specific detail about the instrument and your experience. Correct factual and grammatical errors (mandolin is not a guitar; say “an Italian string instrument” or “a plucked string instrument”). Use linking words like “for example” or “when” to connect ideas.

例: Yes, I have. When I was six I joined a mandolin club and learned basic techniques. The mandolin is an Italian plucked string instrument, and I enjoyed playing popular songs with my classmates, which helped me gain confidence performing in front of others.

提案: Answer directly and give clear reasons and one example. Use correct grammar (listen to music) and clearer descriptions (instrumental music, calm melodies). Avoid unfinished sentences. Use linking words like “because” and “for example.”

例: Yes, I often listen to music while doing other tasks. I usually choose instrumental or calm tunes because they help me concentrate while studying or cooking. For example, soft piano music helps me focus during long study sessions without distracting lyrics.

× I prefer listening to uh K pop music because I'm a must be fun of Big Bang, which is one of the most popular K pop idols.

✓ I prefer listening to K-pop music because I'm a big fan of Big Bang, which is one of the most popular K-pop groups.

The phrase 'listening to' is correct (verb + -ing). Errors here include incorrect phrase 'must be fun of' and wrong count noun 'idols' for a band. Use 'a big fan of' to express liking and 'groups' for bands. Also normalize 'K-pop' hyphenation.

× Uh uh recently. Yeah, I usually hear K pop.

✓ Recently, I usually listen to K-pop.

The original is fragmented and uses 'hear' awkwardly. Use a full sentence with 'listen to' for intentional music listening. Remove filler and combine into one coherent sentence.

× When I'm here, I have bad music and, uh, polite tunes and the sounds.

✓ When I listen to music, I sometimes have sad songs and polite tunes and sounds.

Original 'When I'm here' is unclear. Use 'When I listen to music' and choose appropriate vocabulary: 'sad songs' rather than 'bad music'. Maintain present simple for habitual actions.

× I am over the moon because I think listening music provides me a lot of other, yeah, exciting feeling.

✓ I am over the moon because I think listening to music gives me many exciting feelings.

Use 'listening to music' (verb + -ing with preposition). 'Provides me a lot of other' is ungrammatical; use 'gives me many exciting feelings' or 'makes me feel excited'. Keep plural 'feelings'.

× Yes, I have. When I was six years old I joined a mandolin club.

✓ Yes, I have. When I was six years old, I joined a mandolin club.

The sentence is grammatically correct except missing comma after the time phrase; tense 'joined' is appropriate past simple for a completed action. Add comma for clarity.

× Mandolin is a Italian traditional guitar.

✓ The mandolin is an Italian traditional instrument.

Use definite article 'the' for the instrument in general, 'an' before vowel sound 'Italian', and 'instrument' is more accurate than 'guitar' since mandolin is a string instrument but not a guitar. Word order: 'Italian traditional' -> 'traditional Italian' is preferable.

× Especially I'm a big fan of playing with mandolin with a popular songs.

✓ Especially, I'm a big fan of playing the mandolin to popular songs.

Original has incorrect prepositions and articles. Use 'playing the mandolin' and 'to popular songs' (or 'along with popular songs'). Remove redundant 'with'.

× While doing other things I usually listen a music which is come tune and sounds like instrumental sounds because with instrumental sounds I can focus on studying and cooking and doing everything compared to an.

✓ While doing other things, I usually listen to music that has calm, instrumental tunes because instrumental music helps me focus on studying, cooking, and other tasks.

Use 'listen to music' (verb + -ing). Replace 'come' with 'calm', remove redundancy 'sounds like instrumental sounds', and fix sentence structure. Use 'helps me focus' and 'other tasks' instead of fragment 'compared to an'.