Music— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and fluent: start with a clear topic sentence, avoid filler words and repetition, and give specific reasons with linking words. Improve sentence structure and vocabulary (e.g., use 'I prefer sad music because of its rhythm, lyrics and emotional depth'). Limit to up to 5 sentences.

例: I prefer sad music. Firstly, I find its slower rhythm and meaningful lyrics more moving than upbeat genres like EDM. For example, sad songs often use restrained melodies and thoughtful words that help me reflect. Therefore, they suit my calm personality better than energetic music.

提案: Organize response: begin with a direct answer (Yes/No), then give two specific reasons using linking words (e.g., 'because', 'for example'). Reduce hesitation and correct grammar (e.g., 'I used to' -> 'I usually'). Keep within 3–4 sentences.

例: Not really. Happy music often makes me feel too energetic and even overwhelmed, so I avoid it most of the time. However, I do listen to upbeat songs in the morning when I need a boost, for example to wake up and get ready for work. Overall, calmer music fits my slow-paced lifestyle better.

× If I have to choose one, I will choose sad music.

✓ If I have to choose one, I would choose sad music.

The original uses 'will' in a hypothetical choice; 'would' is the correct modal for hypothetical or conditional statements. Use 'would' to express preference in an unreal or conditional situation (If I had to choose, I would...).

× Uh, to me, uh, happy joyful music with a E like EDM kind of stuff.

✓ To me, happy, joyful music like EDM is not my thing.

The phrase 'with a E like EDM kind of stuff' is ungrammatical and missing articles and proper nouns. Replace awkward phrasing with 'like EDM' and use 'is not my thing' to express dislike. Also remove unnecessary article 'a' before letter 'E'.

× It's not my not into them.

✓ I'm not into it.

The original has double negatives and incorrect pronoun usage. Use 'I'm not into it' or 'I'm not into that kind of music' for clear expression. Ensure subject and verb contract correctly ('I am' -> 'I'm').

× I, I, I prefer sad music because of its rhythm and and rhymes, especially the meaning of sound.

✓ I prefer sad music because of its rhythm and rhyme, especially the meaningful lyrics.

Use singular 'rhyme' (or 'rhyme and rhythm') and 'meaningful lyrics' instead of 'meaning of sound.' 'Its' is acceptable but clearer to specify 'lyrics.' Also remove duplicated conjunction 'and and.'

× That is another reason of why I prefer sad music rather than the happy music, because happy music can make can make me feel, uh, too excited and overwhelmed.

✓ That is another reason why I prefer sad music to happy music, because happy music can make me feel too excited and overwhelmed.

Use 'reason why' not 'reason of why'. Use 'prefer A to B' not 'rather than the happy music.' Remove duplicate 'can make.' Also avoid the definite article before 'happy music' when speaking generally. Maintain parallel structure.

× I used to. I usually use it only for when I need energy in the morning, for example.

✓ I usually use it only when I need energy in the morning, for example.

Fragment 'I used to.' is incomplete and confusing. Combine and use present simple 'I usually use it only when...' to indicate habitual action. Remove extra 'for' before 'when.'

× But it's not uh, fit for me in everyday life because I'm a slow live person.

✓ But it's not a good fit for me in everyday life because I'm a slow-living person.

Use the noun phrase 'a good fit' or adjective 'fit' with article 'a.' 'Slow live person' is incorrect; use 'slow-living person' or 'I lead a slow life.' Hyphenate 'slow-living' when used as a compound adjective.