Music— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Cevabınızı daha doğal, akıcı ve net yapmak için gereksiz dolgu sözcüklerinden (umm, uh) kaçının, cümle yapısını basitleştirin ve mantıksal bağlantı ifadeleri kullanın. Ayrıca “in on the in another world” gibi belirsiz ifadeleri açıklayın ve “more focus” yerine doğru biçimi (“more focused”) kullanın. Öneriler: 1) Konu cümlesiyle açıkça başlayın (‘I usually prefer sad music.’). 2) Sebebi bağlantı sözcüğü ile verin (‘because’ ya da ‘as’). 3) Bir veya iki kısa destekleyici cümle ile duygusal etkisini somutlaştırın. 4) Kelime hatalarını düzeltin ve gereksiz tekrarları kaldırın.

例: I usually prefer sad music, especially Russian songs, because they make me feel like I’m in another world. For example, when I listen to them I feel calm and more focused on my thoughts. This kind of music helps me relax and reflect.

提案: Cevabınızı daha doğal ve doğru gramerle söyleyebilmek için fiil biçimlerine dikkat edin (“when I doing” → “when I’m doing” veya “when I do”). Cümleleri birbirine bağlarken uygun bağlaç ve bağlayıcı ifadeler kullanın ve tekrar eden kelimeleri azaltın (‘motivated’ ve ‘stimulated my motivation’ benzer anlamları tekrar ediyor). Öneriler: 1) Kısa ve doğrudan bir konu cümlesi kurun. 2) Bir-iki spesifik örnek verin. 3) Aynı fikri farklı kelimelerle gereksiz yere tekrar etmeyin.

例: Yes, happy music definitely makes me feel more excited. For instance, when I’m doing my makeup or exercising to lively pop songs, I become more energetic and motivated. The upbeat rhythm really lifts my mood and helps me stay focused on what I’m doing.

× Actually it depends on my mood but mostly I prefer sad music like Russian songs because it feels like umm in on the in another world.

✓ Actually it depends on my mood, but mostly I prefer sad music, such as Russian songs, because it feels like I am in another world.

The original sentence has tense and structure problems: 'it depends' is fine, but 'it feels like umm in on the in another world' is ungrammatical. The correction uses the present simple 'feels' with the clause 'I am in another world' (present continuous could be used but present simple with 'feels' is natural). Also clarified 'like Russian songs' to 'such as Russian songs' for better word choice and added commas for clarity. Suggestion: use a clear subject and verb for clauses (e.g., 'it feels like I am...'), remove filler words, and punctuate to separate ideas.

× And when I listen this type of songs I feel relaxed and more focus more focused uh on my soul.

✓ And when I listen to these types of songs, I feel relaxed and more focused on my soul.

Errors include missing preposition 'to' after 'listen', incorrect determiner 'this type of songs' (should be plural 'these types of songs' or 'this type of song'), and incorrect adjective/adverb form 'more focus more focused'. The corrected sentence uses 'listen to', plural 'these types of songs', and the correct adjective 'more focused'. Suggestion: remember the verb 'listen' requires 'to' when followed by an object, match singular/plural forms, and use correct adjective/adverb forms (focused vs focus).

× Yes, happy music definitely makes me feel more excited.

✓ Yes, happy music definitely makes me feel more excited.

This sentence is grammatically correct. It correctly uses the present simple to describe a general truth. No change needed.

× Especially when I doing my makeup and I listen to live and pop songs while exercising, I feel more motivated and upbeat.

✓ Especially when I am doing my makeup and I listen to live and pop songs while exercising, I feel more motivated and upbeat.

The phrase 'when I doing my makeup' is missing the auxiliary verb 'am' for the present continuous form. The correction adds 'am' to form 'I am doing'. The rest is acceptable. Suggestion: use auxiliary verbs for continuous tenses (am/is/are + -ing).

× This is because such music stimulates my motivation.

✓ This is because such music stimulates my motivation.

The sentence is grammatically acceptable but slightly awkward; 'stimulates my motivation' is correct but uncommon. A more natural alternative could be 'This is because such music boosts my motivation.' No grammatical change required; suggestion: choose more natural collocations like 'boosts my motivation' for fluency.