Music— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and reduce hesitation. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting reasons with linking words. Avoid filler words (umm, 'I I') and repetition. Include a concrete example (a song or situation) to make the answer more specific.

例: I prefer happy music because it helps me stay positive. For example, when I listen to upbeat pop songs on my way to work, I feel more motivated and less stressed. Also, upbeat music often has catchy rhythms that improve my mood and energy.

提案: Answer directly then qualify with a clear contrast using linking words. Reduce hesitation and correct minor grammar (e.g., 'would will' → 'can'). Give one specific example of the types of happy music and the emotion they evoke.

例: It depends on the type of happy music. For instance, acoustic pop songs usually make me feel calm and relaxed, whereas electronic dance music with a fast beat can make me feel energized and excited.

× Well, I'd like to listen to happy music 'cause I think umm, everything in our daily life including music, sports or even films can change our mind to think.

✓ Well, I'd like to listen to happy music because I think everything in our daily life, including music, sports, or even films, can change our minds.

The sentence has a present tense issue and a subject-number mismatch. 'Can change our mind' should be 'can change our minds' to match the plural subject 'our.' Also avoid contractions like 'cause' in formal corrected text and add commas around the parenthetical phrase 'including music, sports, or even films' for clarity.

× So personally, if I listen to happy music, I I will just think everything positively.

✓ So personally, if I listen to happy music, I will just think about everything positively.

The original sentence repeats 'I' and lacks a necessary preposition. Use 'think about everything positively' to express the intended meaning. The conditional uses present simple 'listen' and future 'will' appropriately; the error is missing 'about' and the accidental word repetition.

× Umm it depends, some happy music just makes me feel peace and calm umm while the other happy music like electric music it would will make me excited.

✓ It depends. Some happy music just makes me feel peaceful and calm, while other happy music, like electronic music, makes me excited.

Multiple problems: 'peace' is a noun but the adjective 'peaceful' is needed to describe 'feel.' 'the other happy music' should be 'other happy music' to refer generally. 'electric music' is better as 'electronic music.' Also 'it would will make me excited' is ungrammatical: use simple present 'makes' for general truths. Punctuation and commas improve clarity.