Music— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and natural: start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific reasons with linking words. Avoid redundant or contradictory phrases (e.g. "it's not that bad actually and it's not so nice too"). Use more precise vocabulary to describe mood and contexts.

例: I prefer both sad and happy music. For example, when I feel low or anxious I listen to sad songs because they help me process emotions, whereas when I'm calm and content I choose upbeat music to reinforce my positive mood.

提案: Answer directly, then support with a specific reason and one clear example. Correct grammar and remove repetition. Use linking words like "however" or "because" to show contrast between expectations and your experience.

例: Not necessarily — happy music usually makes me feel relaxed rather than excited because I mainly listen to rock and punk metal. For instance, an upbeat pop song calms me down after a stressful day, while heavy guitar music energises me.

× I prefer both actually because I listen to sad music when I am down, like I'm depressed, having some anxiety and it's not that bad actually and it's not so nice too.

✓ I prefer both actually because I listen to sad music when I am down, for example when I'm depressed or having some anxiety; it's not completely bad, but it's not very pleasant either.

The original sentence uses awkward and inconsistent pronoun and clause linking (like I'm depressed, having some anxiety) and informal filler words. Use parallel structures for examples ('when I'm depressed or having some anxiety') and clear contrasting phrases ('not completely bad, but not very pleasant either') to improve clarity and grammar.

× But I listen to happy music when I'm at the the stage of my life where I feel so peaceful and happy and calm.

✓ But I listen to happy music when I'm at the stage of my life where I feel peaceful, happy, and calm.

The original sentence has a duplicated article 'the the' and redundant phrasing ('so peaceful and happy and calm'). Remove the duplicate article and use commas to list adjectives; avoid unnecessary intensifiers like 'so' when not needed.

× It makes me feel more peaceful, relaxed and calm.

✓ Happy music makes me feel more peaceful, relaxed, and calm.

As a standalone answer to 'Does happy music make you feel more excited?' the sentence lacks a clear subject referring to 'happy music'. Adding the subject clarifies meaning. Also add a serial comma for clarity.

× It doesn't really excite me because the type of music I listen to is rock and punk metal.

✓ It doesn't really excite me because the type of music I usually listen to is rock and punk metal.

The sentence is mostly correct but benefits from adding 'usually' to indicate habitual listening. Also ensure 'punk metal' is a consistent genre label; if intended as 'punk' and 'metal', keep them as separate genres: 'punk and metal'.

× So make it listen to happy music makes me feel more relaxed and calm because it makes me more free.

✓ So listening to happy music makes me feel more relaxed and calm because it makes me feel freer.

The original contains an ungrammatical phrase 'make it listen to happy music' and awkward 'makes me more free'. Use the gerund 'listening' as the subject and use the comparative adjective 'freer' for correct form. Also simplify to avoid repetition of 'makes me' if possible.