Music— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and avoid repetition. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details using a linking word. Reduce fillers like “well” and “umm.” For example, mention a concrete reason (e.g. lyrics that reflect personal experiences) and a brief example of a song or situation when you choose sad music.

例: I usually prefer sad songs because their lyrics often reflect my personal experiences. For instance, when I’m going through a breakup I listen to acoustic ballads like “Someone Like You” to feel understood, and this helps me process my emotions.

提案: Give a direct answer first, then add one specific reason and a short example. Avoid repeating words (cheerful/ happy) and fillers. Use a linking word (for example, because, therefore) to connect ideas and keep it within 2–3 sentences.

例: Yes, happy music makes me feel more energetic because of its fast tempo and bright melodies. For example, I often play upbeat pop songs when I exercise because they boost my motivation and pace.

× Well it really depends on my mood, but mostly I prefer sad songs because I really like seeing really relatable lyrics, so that's why I usually choose sad music.

✓ Well, it really depends on my mood, but mostly I prefer sad songs because I really like songs with very relatable lyrics, so that's why I usually choose sad music.

The original uses 'seeing really relatable lyrics' which is awkward and unidiomatic: 'see' + lyrics is not typical. This is not addressed in the provided list exactly, but the closest is 'Verb + -ing form' because 'seeing' is an incorrect verb choice and form here. Replace 'seeing really relatable lyrics' with 'songs with very relatable lyrics' to use a correct noun phrase. Also add a comma after 'Well' and tighten 'really' to 'very' for clarity. Suggestion: use 'songs with relatable lyrics' or 'lyrics that are very relatable.'

× Well, happy music does make me feel more excited because of its, umm, more cheerful mood and umm, upbeat lyrics. So yeah, it does make me feel more happy.

✓ Well, happy music does make me feel more excited because of its more cheerful mood and upbeat lyrics. So yeah, it does make me feel happier.

There are two issues: unnecessary fillers ('umm') and incorrect use of 'more happy.' Use the comparative adverb 'happier' not 'more happy.' Also remove extra comma and fillers for clarity. 'More cheerful mood' is acceptable, but 'more happy' should be 'happier.' Use concise adverbs/adjectives: 'feel happier.'