Music— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer communicates the main idea but has repetition, grammar errors and incomplete sentence. Improve by using a clear topic sentence, avoiding repetition, fixing grammar (articles and word order) and completing the example. Limit to 2–4 sentences and use a linking phrase to introduce the example.

例: I prefer happy music because it relaxes me and lifts my spirits. For example, after a long stressful day I often play upbeat songs to improve my mood and help me unwind.

提案: The answer shows enthusiasm but is disfluent and grammatically incorrect with fillers and repetition. Use a direct topic sentence, remove fillers (e.g., "yeah", "obviously"), correct verb forms and add a brief specific example using a linking phrase (e.g., "for example"). Keep it to 2–3 concise sentences.

例: Yes, happy music definitely makes me feel more excited. For example, when I hear upbeat pop songs I tend to move around and dance, which boosts my energy and puts me in a better mood.

× I love the happy happy music because it makes me feel relaxed and uplifted. For example, when I listen a a song after a a long day there I improve my mood and my.

✓ I love happy music because it makes me feel relaxed and uplifted. For example, when I listen to a song after a long day, it improves my mood and energy.

Errors: extra repeated words ('happy happy', 'a a'), missing preposition 'to' after 'listen', awkward clause 'there I improve my mood and my.' and missing noun for 'my'. Also punctuation and sentence structure issues. Suggestions: remove duplicate words, add 'to' after 'listen', use 'it improves my mood and energy' to clearly state the effect, and add commas to separate clauses. Grammar problem type ID: 11 and 26.

× Obviously happy music makes me feel more excited when, for example, when I listened, yeah, happy music that's makes me happy and I imagines my happy movements.

✓ Obviously, happy music makes me feel more excited. For example, when I listen to happy music, it makes me happy and I imagine moving happily.

Errors: redundant 'when', incorrect past tense 'listened' where present fits, extra filler 'yeah', incorrect 'that's makes' (extra 's'), subject-verb disagreement 'I imagines', and awkward phrase 'my happy movements'. Suggestions: use present tense 'listen' to match general statement, remove fillers, use 'it makes' and correct verb 'imagine', and rephrase to 'imagine moving happily' for natural expression. Grammar problem type ID: 6 and 27 and 12.