Tidiness— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and natural: start with a clear topic sentence, avoid fillers (uh), correct grammar (I am an organized person; I don’t like things getting messy). Add one specific reason or brief example using a linking word.

例: Yes, I am an organized person because I don’t like things to get messy. For example, I tidy my desk every evening so I can find my notes quickly the next day.

提案: Provide a clear direct answer with correct tense and fewer repetitions. Use linking words to explain briefly why and give a specific example. Fix grammar: 'I didn’t use to...' or 'I wasn’t a tidy child'.

例: Not really. I wasn’t a tidy child because I preferred playing to cleaning, so my room was often messy—for instance, toys and clothes were usually on the floor.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence and then specific, coherent details using linking words. Correct unclear phrases (e.g. 'Myspace' and 'documents are in the space') and avoid vague adjectives like 'very looking beautiful'.

例: I keep my study space tidy by putting books in a drawer and organizing documents in labeled folders. For example, I sort papers by subject and clear my desk every evening so it stays neat.

提案: Answer directly and use natural phrases to explain reasons. Avoid awkward or unclear expressions like 'futuristic planning development' and reduce fillers. Give one or two concrete reasons and an example of where tidiness matters.

例: Yes, I think being tidy is important because it improves efficiency and creates a good impression at work. For instance, colleagues are more likely to trust me with tasks when my desk and files are well organized.

× Yes, I am already organized person, uh, this is because I do not like uh, when the things are getting messy.

✓ Yes, I am already an organized person; this is because I do not like it when things get messy.

Missing indefinite article before 'organized person' and awkward phrasing. Use 'an' before a vowel sound; 'it when things get messy' is natural and 'get' is present tense. Remove extra 'the' before 'things'. Suggestion: Use 'an organized person' and 'I do not like it when things get messy.'

× So it is a really important for me to keep things tidy.

✓ So it is really important for me to keep things tidy.

Unnecessary indefinite article 'a' before 'really important' with predicative adjective. Use 'really important' without 'a'. Suggestion: Say 'it is really important'.

× To be very honest, when I was a child so I don't understand any kind of tidiness in my room.

✓ To be very honest, when I was a child I did not understand any kind of tidiness in my room.

Mixes past context with present tense 'don't understand'. Use past tense 'did not understand' for past events. Remove filler 'so' for clarity. Suggestion: Use consistent past tense: 'I did not understand.'

× So at the end of the day it is it was a very messy and so I don't use as a tidy child when I was.

✓ So at the end of the day my room was very messy, and I was not a tidy child.

Sentence mixes tenses and has incorrect word order and unnecessary repetition ('it is it was'). Use past tense 'was' and rephrase to 'I was not a tidy child.' Suggestion: Keep past-tense sequence and clear subject-verb order.

× Well, as I told you, I'm an organised person so when I'm doing any kind of study or work on Myspace, so I just keep my book in my drawer and all the documents are in the space.

✓ Well, as I told you, I'm an organised person, so when I'm studying or working at my desk, I keep my books in my drawer and all the documents in their place.

Awkward phrasing 'doing any kind of study or work on Myspace' and singular/plural inconsistencies ('book' vs 'books'). Use 'studying or working' (parallel present participles) and 'at my desk' not 'Myspace'. Use plural 'books' and 'in their place' for documents. Suggestion: Use parallel verb forms and correct nouns: 'studying or working at my desk, I keep my books in my drawer and documents in their place.'

× So it is a very looking beautiful.

✓ So it looks very beautiful.

Incorrect word order and form: 'a very looking beautiful' is ungrammatical. Use 'looks' (verb) + adjective 'beautiful', and 'very' as adverb before adjective. Suggestion: Say 'it looks very beautiful.'

× Yes, I think that is necessary to be tidy.

✓ Yes, I think it is necessary to be tidy.

Missing subject pronoun 'it' in the clause 'it is necessary'. Use 'it is necessary' rather than 'that is necessary' in this context. Suggestion: Use 'I think it is necessary.'

× This is because it is a very important for our futuristic planning development, in particular when I working in the professional company.

✓ This is because it is very important for our future planning and development, in particular when I am working in a professional company.

Unnecessary 'a' before 'very important'; 'futuristic planning development' is awkward — use 'future planning and development'. Missing auxiliary 'am' after 'I' and article 'a' before 'professional company'. Suggestion: Use 'it is very important for our future planning and development' and 'when I am working in a professional company.'

× So it is a very necessary to be tidy because it helps me to improve my, uh, impression as well.

✓ So it is very necessary to be tidy because it helps me improve my impression as well.

Unnecessary 'a' before 'very necessary' and unnecessary 'to' after 'helps me'. Remove filler 'uh' and keep 'improve my impression' (though 'professional image' might be better). Suggestion: Say 'it is very necessary' and 'it helps me improve my impression' or better 'it helps me improve my professional image.'