Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and fix minor grammar issues. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details with linking words. Avoid repeating ideas (e.g., ‘so’ and ‘therefore’) and correct verb forms (e.g., ‘were too busy to’).

例: Not really. There weren't any nice parks near my house, and my parents were too busy to take me, so I went rarely. Instead, I enjoyed indoor hobbies like drawing and reading, which kept me entertained at home.

提案: Make the sentence structure smoother and correct grammar errors. Use linking words (for example, 'because' and 'and') properly, and be more specific about how parks help you relax or meet friends.

例: Yes, I like parks more now than when I was a child because they help me relax after a busy day, and I can often meet friends there to chat or have a walk together.

提案: Avoid small grammatical mistakes and incomplete sentences. Use one or two clear reasons with linking words and give a brief example of activities in parks. Finish your sentence and avoid repetition ('help me' twice).

例: Yes, absolutely. I would like more parks in the city because green spaces help me relax after long work hours and reduce stress. For example, parks provide meeting points where friends can gather to chat, exercise, or have a picnic.

提案: Clarify the park name and correct grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Use linking words and give one specific image or reason (e.g., seasonal foliage). Avoid repetition and ensure subject–verb agreement.

例: Yes. I'd like to visit the park at the University of Tokyo in autumn because the gingko trees turn golden, creating a very beautiful scenery that's perfect for a walk and photos.

× Not really. There weren't any nice parks near my house and my parents were so busy to take me there, so I didn't go very often.

✓ Not really. There weren't any nice parks near my house, and my parents were too busy to take me there, so I didn't go very often.

The phrase 'so busy to take me there' is incorrect. Use 'too busy to + verb' to express inability due to being very busy. Also add a comma before 'and' for clarity. Suggestion: use 'too busy to take me there' to convey that their busyness prevented visits.

× Yes, I think I like it more than in the past because when I go to the park now I feel like I can relax and sometimes meeting with friends is can be done in the park.

✓ Yes, I think I like it more than in the past because when I go to the park now I feel like I can relax, and sometimes meeting with friends can be done in the park.

The clause 'sometimes meeting with friends is can be done' mixes two auxiliary/modal structures and is ungrammatical. Remove the extra auxiliary 'is' and keep 'can be done' or better: 'we can meet with friends in the park.' Also add a comma before 'and' to separate clauses. Suggestion: use 'sometimes we can meet with friends in the park' for clarity.

× Yes, absolutely. I would like to see more park in the city because additional green spaces help me relax after long work hours and help me release the stress. There can be a meeting point for friends to meet up and have a chat or take

✓ Yes, absolutely. I would like to see more parks in the city because additional green spaces help me relax after long work hours and help me relieve stress. They can provide meeting points for friends to meet up and have a chat or take a walk.

Use plural 'parks' when talking about more than one. 'Release the stress' is unnatural; use 'relieve stress.' The sentence 'There can be a meeting point' is better as plural 'They can provide meeting points' to match 'parks.' Also the sentence was incomplete; finish with 'take a walk.' Suggestions: use plural nouns when referencing multiple items and prefer 'relieve stress' for idiomatic expression.

× Yes and the part that I want to go in the future is the one that is located in the University of Tokyo because there is there are jingle trees which will turn yellow and is this very beautiful scenery to see

✓ Yes, the park I want to visit in the future is the one located at the University of Tokyo because there are ginkgo trees that turn yellow and create a very beautiful scene.

This sentence has multiple structural problems: redundant words ('there is there are'), incorrect noun 'jingle trees' likely intended 'ginkgo trees', incorrect verb agreement ('which will turn yellow and is this very beautiful scenery to see'). Correct structure: 'there are ginkgo trees that turn yellow and create a very beautiful scene.' Also use 'located at' for places like a university. Suggestions: remove redundancies, use correct tree name, ensure subject-verb agreement, and choose idiomatic phrases like 'create a very beautiful scene.'