Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Improve grammar and sentence structure, use a clear topic sentence, and add specific details with correct verb forms. Use linking words to make the sequence clear (e.g., “when,” “then,” “also”). Keep answers concise (maximum 5 sentences).

例: Yes, I enjoyed going to parks as a child. When I was young, I visited the park with my friends at least once a week. We usually played soccer or raced toy cars on a small path, and we often ran around the playground for an hour. Those outings were lively and helped us stay active.

提案: Focus on making a single clear topic sentence then give 1–2 specific supporting reasons. Correct verb tense and collocations (e.g., “busy as a worker” -> “busy at work”; “I don't have time” not “I don't have a time”). Avoid confusing or redundant phrases.

例: Not really — I rarely visit parks now because I am very busy at work. I usually work long hours and have little free time, so I prefer to rest at home or meet friends briefly for a meal instead of going to a park.

提案: Start with a clear direct answer, then give specific supporting points and use linking words (e.g., “because,” “for example,” “also”). Use proper noun phrases (e.g., “parks for adults and children”) and avoid repetition.

例: Yes, I would, because our city already has a variety of parks. For example, there are natural parks, playgrounds for children, and quiet parks popular with older people. I would visit them more often if I had more leisure time.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence naming the park, then provide specific reasons and plans using correct grammar (e.g., “I want to save money,” “it is located in a remote area”). Avoid repetition and incomplete sentences; use linking words like “because” and “so.”

例: In the future, I would like to visit the National Park in my country because it is in a beautiful, remote area. It is quite far from my city, so I am saving money and planning a trip with friends. I hope to hike the trails and see wildlife when I go.

× When I was child, at least once a week I went to the park with my friends.

✓ When I was a child, at least once a week I went to the park with my friends.

Singular and plural issue: the noun 'child' needs an article 'a' to form the singular noun phrase 'a child.' Without the article the noun phrase is ungrammatical. Suggestion: use 'a child' for singular or 'a kid' or 'children' with appropriate verb forms.

× We go we had some place there and we playing a car or just we playing soccer and we just running around the park.

✓ We had a place there where we played with a toy car, or we played soccer and just ran around the park.

Sentence structure errors: the original sentence mixes tenses and lacks proper conjunctions and verb forms (e.g. 'we go,' 'we playing'). Use consistent past tense 'had,' 'played,' 'ran' and rearrange clauses for clarity. Suggestion: keep the past tense throughout and use relative clauses ('where we played...').

× Not really. Since I have a busy time as a worker, I don't have any break time for going to park.

✓ Not really. Because I am busy with work, I don't have any break time to go to the park.

Present tense issue and sentence structure: 'I have a busy time as a worker' is awkward and 'for going to park' is ungrammatical. Use present continuous or simple present 'I am busy with work' and the infinitive 'to go' plus the article 'the park.' Suggestion: say 'I am busy with work' and 'to go to the park.'

× I mean, even if we can, I don't have to.

✓ I mean, even if I could, I wouldn't be able to.

Incorrect use of pronouns and modal verbs: 'we' is inconsistent with 'I' used elsewhere; 'I don't have to' changes meaning (it means obligation absent). The speaker likely means inability or lack of opportunity. Use 'I could'/'wouldn't be able to' or 'I can't.' Suggestion: match pronouns and use correct modal to express inability ('I can't').

× I don't have a time for going to park because I have to go to my meal, my friend.

✓ I don't have time to go to the park because I have to go to a meal with my friend.

Article errors and preposition/word choice: 'a time' is unnecessary—use 'time' without article. 'Going to park' needs 'the park.' 'Go to my meal, my friend' is unclear; likely 'go to a meal with my friend.' Suggestion: use 'time' (no article), 'to go to the park,' and 'a meal with my friend.'

× Yes, I would since my city has many parks.

✓ Yes, I would, since my city has many parks.

Modal verb usage and punctuation: the sentence is grammatically acceptable but needs a comma for clarity after 'would.' If the intended meaning is willingness, 'I would' should be followed by an infinitive ('I would like to') to be complete. Suggestion: say 'Yes, I would like to, since...' for clarity.

× It's just natural parks or just parks for adult, for older people and for kids.

✓ There are natural parks, and parks for adults, older people, and kids.

Incorrect use of adjectives/adverbs and pluralization: 'adult' should be plural 'adults'; use parallel structure and plural nouns. Also use 'there are' to introduce types of parks. Suggestion: list categories in parallel and use plural forms.

× They have many parks here so I want to go to the parks if I have a leisure time.

✓ They have many parks here, so I want to go to the parks if I have leisure time.

Present tense fine but article and word choice: 'a leisure time' is incorrect; use 'leisure time' without article. Suggestion: remove 'a' before 'leisure time.'

× In the future, I want to go to the National Park in my in my country.

✓ In the future, I want to go to the national park in my country.

Sentence structure and repetition: 'in my in my country' repeats words. Also 'National Park' need not be capitalized unless it's the official name; use 'the national park' or the park's proper name. Suggestion: remove duplicate words and use 'the national park' or the specific name.

× It's located in the remote area far from my city.

✓ It's located in a remote area far from my city.

Preposition/article issue: 'in the remote area' sounds specific but the speaker likely means any remote area—use 'in a remote area.' Also 'far from my city' is correct. Suggestion: use 'a remote area' unless specifying a particular area.

× So I I want to saving my money to go there.

✓ So I want to save my money to go there.

Verb + -ing form: 'want to' must be followed by the base form 'save,' not the -ing form. Remove the extra 'I' as well. Suggestion: use 'want to' + base verb.

× So if I going there, I want to.

✓ So if I go there, I will want to.

Verb in the present participle form/present tense: 'if I going there' is incorrect; use the simple present 'if I go there' for a conditional clause referring to future. The main clause 'I want to' is incomplete—better 'I will go' or 'I would like to.' Suggestion: use 'If I go there, I will go' or 'If I go there, I would like to.'