Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 内容要更直接并且更具体。开头用一句清晰的主题句直接回答问题，然后给出一到两个具体细节（比如做什么、和谁一起、多久去一次或记忆中的一件事），避免冗长或不完整的从句。注意语法（如 help me 用法不当），把句子控制在不超过5句。

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. I often went there with my parents on weekends to play and look at colorful flowers. My favorite memory is chasing butterflies near a big oak tree. Those visits made me feel relaxed and curious.

提案: 需要更自然和完整的表达，并注意主谓一致与重复词（如 “I I”）。先给出简洁的主题句，然后用一两个具体例子说明（什么时候去、做什么、感觉如何），使用连接词（for example, so）使语意连贯，避免句子未完成。

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks because they make me feel calm and happy. For example, on weekends I often sit under a big tree and read for an hour, which helps me relax after a busy week.

提案: 回答应更有条理并避免重复与语病（如 “many city, many parks” 不通顺）。先直接回答，然后给出两个具体理由并用连接词（because, so, therefore）。例证应具体（比如哪些地方需要公园，公园的好处）并完成句子。

例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because they make urban areas more attractive and provide space for people to relax. For instance, adding small parks in residential neighborhoods would give families a safe place for children to play and help reduce noise and air pollution.

提案: 回答要更具体，指出想去的公园名称或类型（比如国家公园或滨河公园），并说明原因与计划（何时、和谁、做什么）。避免短句残缺和语法错误（parks makes → parks make / park makes）。控制在最多5句内并使用连接词。

例: Yes, I plan to visit a large national park next year because I want to hike and enjoy the natural scenery. I hope to go with friends for a weekend trip and take photos of the mountains and lakes to relax and recharge.

× Yes, I did like going to parks as a child because I really enjoy appreciating colorful flowers and the green trees which help me.

✓ Yes, I did enjoy going to parks as a child because I really enjoyed appreciating colorful flowers and the green trees that helped me.

句子混用过去时与现在时：开头使用过去时“did like”正确，但后半句用现在时“really enjoy/appreciating/which help”与表述的过去经历不一致。应把描述童年时的动作用过去时表达；此外“which help me”结构不自然，改为“that helped me”更符合定语从句修饰过去情形。建议整体保持时态一致，使用过去时描述过去经历。

× Definitely, I always like going to parks now because I I believe parks makes me feel calm and happy.

✓ Definitely, I still like going to parks now because I believe parks make me feel calm and happy.

主谓一致错误：“parks”为复数，谓语应使用复数动词“make”，而不是“makes”。另外句子中“always”与“now”重复，可改为“still/now”之一；并且有重复“I I”。建议检查主语是单数还是复数并使用相应的动词形式，去掉多余词。

× For example, on weekends I enjoy reading under the tree in the park which.

✓ For example, on weekends I enjoy reading under the tree in the park.

句末出现不完整的定语从句“which”但没有后续成分，造成句子残缺。这里本意是完整陈述一个事实，用现在分词或动名词短语“enjoy reading”即可，不需要“which”。建议删除多余的“which”或补全定语从句。

× Sure, I hope to see more parks in my city because I think many city, many parks makes city become beautiful and unwind.

✓ Sure, I hope to see more parks in my city because I think more parks in the city make the city more beautiful and help people unwind.

原句主谓不一致：“many parks”为复数，应使用复数动词“make”而不是“makes”。此外句子结构混乱（“many city, many parks”不通），以及“unwind”用作动词不当，应改为短语“help people unwind”或形容词“relaxing”。建议理清句子主语与谓语并保持语序清晰。

× For example, in my city there are so many.

✓ For example, in my city there are so many parks.

原句缺少宾语，句子不完整。“there are so many”后面需要名词（如“parks”）来表明数量对象。建议补全名词以完成句子。

× Definitely I will want to go to park in the future because I think parks makes me feel unwind and peaceful.

✓ Definitely I will want to go to parks in the future because I think parks make me feel relaxed and peaceful.

主谓不一致：“parks”复数应对应动词“make”。此外“go to park”应为“go to parks”或“go to the park”；“unwind”作为动词名词搭配不当，改为形容词“relaxed”或短语“help me unwind”。建议使用正确的名词短语和与主语一致的动词形式，并用合适的形容词表达状态。

× For example, in my daily life I really like.

✓ For example, in my daily life I really like going to parks.

原句不完整，缺少宾语或动词短语，无法表达完整意思。应补全“like”后面的宾语或动名词短语，如“going to parks”。建议写出完整的动作或事物以避免不完整句。