Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Make your response more concise and correct tense errors. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid repetition and incomplete sentences.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. I especially enjoyed going with my parents because we would spend their days off there, playing games and having picnics, which made those days feel special.

提案: Use present simple consistently and shorten repetitive phrases. Give one specific reason and a brief consequence, linked with a connector. Mention a possible occasional habit to add realism.

例: I still enjoy going to parks, but I don't have much time because I work as a chief medical technologist and my duties are demanding. Therefore, I usually visit parks only on weekends when I can relax.

提案: Be concise and correct small errors (remove duplicate words). Start with a direct answer, then give a clear, specific reason. Use linking words like because or so to show cause and effect.

例: Yes, absolutely. Because I am a mother of a one-year-old, I want more parks nearby so my daughter can play outdoors and build happy childhood memories.

提案: Fix vocabulary mistakes ('parks' and 'parts') and avoid repeating 'because'. Give one clear example and explain briefly why it appeals to you, using a linking word.

例: Yes, one park I'd like to visit is Hong Kong Disneyland because I grew up with Disney characters and I think my daughter and I would enjoy the rides and themed attractions.

× As a child, I liked going to the park because I get to have fun, most especially when I'm with my parents.

✓ As a child, I liked going to the park because I got to have fun, especially when I was with my parents.

The sentence mixes past ('liked') with present simple ('get'). Maintain past tense for events in childhood: 'get' -> 'got' and 'I'm' -> 'I was'. Use 'especially' rather than 'most especially' for natural phrasing.

× I get to spend time with them whenever it's their day off and there is no school there.

✓ I got to spend time with them whenever it was their day off and there was no school.

This is a recollection about childhood, so verbs should be past tense: 'get' -> 'got', 'it's' -> 'it was', and 'there is' -> 'there was'. Also drop the redundant 'there' at the end.

× There are no classes and whenever.

✓ There were no classes then.

The original fragment 'and whenever.' is incomplete and ungrammatical. Replace with a complete clause in past tense 'There were no classes then.' to match context.

× As for now, I like going to the parks, but I don't have that much time to go to the parks because of my work.

✓ As for now, I like going to parks, but I don't have much time to go because of my work.

When speaking generally, omit 'the' before 'parks' or use 'the parks' only if referring to specific parks. Also 'that much' is informal; 'much time' is more natural with 'don't have'. Remove the redundant second 'to the parks'.

× I worked as a chief medical technologist.

✓ I work as a chief medical technologist.

Context indicates current occupation ('because of my work'). Use present simple 'work' if the job continues. If the job is in the past, keep 'I worked' but then other clauses should match past. Choose tense consistent with surrounding sentences.

× So basically I am kind of busy with all the duties and responsibilities.

✓ So basically I am really busy with all the duties and responsibilities.

This sentence is acceptable but 'kind of' is informal and vague; replace with 'really' for clearer, more natural expression. Tense is present and matches 'I work' if job is current.

× I would love to see more parks in my city, most especially that I'm I am already a mom of a one year old daughter, so I want my daughter to experience and enjoy what the park is and I want her to have a memorable childhood.

✓ I would love to see more parks in my city, especially because I am already a mom of a one-year-old daughter, so I want her to experience and enjoy the park and have a memorable childhood.

Remove duplicate 'I'm I am'. Use 'especially because' for reason. Hyphenate 'one-year-old' as an adjective and omit the article before 'park' when speaking generally or use 'the park' consistently; 'enjoy what the park is' is awkward—use 'enjoy the park'. Streamline repetition.

× Yes, there are parts that I want to go in the future most such as the Disneyland park in Hong Kong because I know that I will enjoy the place because of the extreme rides and the Disney characters that I grew up with watching.

✓ Yes, there are parks I most want to visit in the future, such as Hong Kong Disneyland, because I know I will enjoy the rides and the Disney characters I grew up watching.

Multiple issues: 'parts' -> 'parks'; word order 'parks I most want to visit' is natural. Use 'visit' instead of 'go'. 'Disneyland park in Hong Kong' -> 'Hong Kong Disneyland' is the standard name. Remove redundant 'because' clause repetition and simplify 'the Disney characters that I grew up with watching' to 'the Disney characters I grew up watching'.