Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and avoid filler sounds (uh). Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Replace vague phrases like "used to spend a lot of time" with precise descriptions of activities and feelings.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child because I enjoyed playing on the slides and swings with my friends. For example, we often spent whole afternoons running races and playing hide-and-seek, which kept me active and happy.

提案: Give a direct answer then explain reasons clearly without repeating ideas. Avoid fillers and contradictory phrases ("I love going" then "I have no time"). Use linking words like "however" and provide a brief specific detail about when/why you rarely go.

例: Yes, I still enjoy parks; however, I rarely visit them now because my work schedule is very busy. For instance, I usually work weekends and only have evenings free, so I rarely find time for long park visits.

提案: Answer directly and support with a clear reason and one specific benefit. Remove fillers and avoid repeating the same phrase. Use a linking word like "because" and give a concrete example of how more parks would help the community.

例: Definitely — I would like more parks in my city because there are very few now. For example, with more green spaces, young people could exercise, meet friends safely, and have places for weekend family activities.

提案: Be specific about a destination or type of park and explain why. Eliminate fillers and correct grammar ("go to parks" → "visit parks"; "a lot of water parks" → "many water parks"). Use linking words like "because" and give one concrete expectation or activity.

例: I don't have a specific park in mind, but I would love to visit parks in Europe because many cities have beautiful urban parks and water parks. For example, I want to try a European water park to relax and enjoy rides with friends.

× Yes, I did enjoy going to the parks as a child, mainly because I used to love spending time in the park and playing on the UH slides and swings with my friends.

✓ Yes, I did enjoy going to parks as a child, mainly because I used to love spending time in the park and playing on the slides and swings with my friends.

Using the definite article 'the' before 'parks' is unnecessary when speaking generally about parks in childhood. Use the plural without an article: 'going to parks'. Also, 'the park' is correct when referring to a specific local park; 'the slides and swings' is fine but 'UH' appears to be filler and was removed. Suggestion: omit unnecessary 'the' when referring to things in general.'

× It used to help me be more physically active and UH used to spend a lot of time, so it is to help me pass the time.

✓ It used to help me be more physically active and I used to spend a lot of time there, so it helped me pass the time.

The original mixes subjects and tenses and includes filler 'UH'. 'Used to' requires a clear subject; change 'UH used to spend' to 'I used to spend' and make result clause past tense 'helped' to match past habitual action. Also replace vague 'there' for clarity. Suggestion: keep same subject and consistent past tense when describing past habits.'

× Yes, definitely. I love going to parks now, although I don't have any spare time to visit the park.

✓ Yes, definitely. I love going to parks now, although I don't have any spare time to visit them.

The sentence uses 'parks' (plural) then 'the park' (singular), causing inconsistency. Replace 'the park' with the plural pronoun 'them' to agree with 'parks'. Suggestion: keep number consistent across sentence and use pronouns that match the noun's plurality.'

× But uh, uh, due to my beach schedule, I am really occupied in my uh work and I have no time to visit parks.

✓ But due to my work schedule, I am really occupied with my work and I have no time to visit parks.

'Due to my beach schedule' is likely incorrect word choice; 'work schedule' fits context. The preposition 'occupied in' is incorrect here; use 'occupied with' to indicate being busy doing something. Also remove filler 'uh'. Suggestion: choose appropriate noun ('work schedule') and use 'occupied with' for being busy.'

× Uh, definitely I would love to see more parks in my city as there are very few, uh, options in my city.

✓ Definitely I would love to see more parks in my city, as there are very few options here.

Repetition 'in my city' is redundant; replace second instance with 'here'. Also remove filler 'uh' and ensure comma before 'as' for clarity. Suggestion: avoid repetition and unnecessary fillers.'

× And, uh, due to this, many, uh, young people can visit the parks and enjoy their time over there.

✓ And because of this, many young people could visit the parks and enjoy their time there.

'Due to this' is acceptable but 'and, uh, due to this' with filler is awkward; 'because of this' flows better. 'Can visit' suggests present ability; 'could visit' is slightly more natural for a suggestion. 'Over there' is informal; use 'there'. Remove filler. Suggestion: use 'because of this' and 'there' for concise phrasing.'

× Uh, not that I have anything in my mind, but I would like to go parks in Europe because I've heard that a lot of, uh, water parks as well that, uh, will help me keep going and enjoy myself.

✓ I don't have anything specific in mind, but I would like to go to parks in Europe because I've heard there are a lot of water parks there that will help me relax and enjoy myself.

'Not that I have anything in my mind' is awkward; use 'I don't have anything specific in mind'. 'Go parks' is missing preposition 'to': 'go to parks'. 'I've heard that a lot of water parks as well that' is ungrammatical; rephrase to 'I've heard there are a lot of water parks there that...'. 'Keep going' is unclear in this context; 'relax' fits better. Suggestion: include necessary prepositions, avoid redundant fillers, and use clear verbs.'