Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Improve grammar and concision. Start with a clear topic sentence, correct verb forms, and avoid redundancy. Add one specific supporting detail (e.g., a favorite activity or memory) and use a linking word if needed.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. I spent most afternoons there playing football with my friends, and that routine helped me make close friendships and stay active.

提案: Reduce hesitation and correct awkward phrasing. Give a direct topic sentence about current habits, then one clear reason using a linking word. Replace vague phrase "not quite fun with it" with precise reason.

例: Not really — I rarely go to parks now because I usually stay home to play online games. However, I still enjoy visiting parks occasionally for fresh air and exercise.

提案: Be more concise and fix repetition. Provide a clear reason and one specific benefit with linking language. Use correct noun phrases (e.g., "more parks in my city" not "being made").

例: Yes, definitely. I would like to see more parks in my city because they provide safe places for children to play and help build a stronger community.

提案: Tighten grammar and sentence structure. Begin with a clear response, then give one or two specific reasons and a brief example. Avoid redundancy (e.g., "very comfortable and enjoyable").

例: Yes, there are a few parks I want to visit, especially the riverside park, because it has mature trees and wide walking paths where I can relax and breathe fresh air.

× When I was a child, parks usually was the first thing that comes to mind when you go outside, so I loved going to parks when I was still young because I spent most of my time there enjoying sports with my friends and it really made a big part in my childhood.

✓ When I was a child, parks usually were the first thing that came to mind when you went outside, so I loved going to parks because I spent most of my time there enjoying sports with my friends and they really made up a big part of my childhood.

'Parks' is plural, so use 'were' not 'was' (There be issue). Also maintain past tense: 'comes' -> 'came' and 'go' -> 'went'. Replace 'it really made a big part in my childhood' with 'they really made up a big part of my childhood' for correct subject reference and idiomatic phrasing. Suggestions: check plural agreement with 'there is/are' constructions, keep verb tenses consistent, and use 'make up a part of' for expressing contribution.

× Umm, currently I usually spend my time at home playing games, so uh, I don't go to parks that frequently anymore.

✓ Umm, currently I usually spend my time at home playing games, so I don't go to parks that frequently anymore.

Remove filler 'uh' repeated; grammatically sentence is acceptable but ensure tense matches present habitual action (present simple 'spend' and 'don't go'). Suggestion: avoid excessive fillers and keep present simple for habitual actions.

× So uh, although I still uh, love parks, I don't think I am quite fun with it anymore.

✓ Although I still love parks, I don't think I enjoy them as much anymore.

Original uses 'fun' incorrectly as an adjective for the subject and 'it' to refer to plural 'parks' (adjective/pronoun errors). Use the verb 'enjoy' plus 'them' for plural. Also 'as much' conveys degree. Suggestion: use 'enjoy' for liking activities and match pronouns to plural nouns.

× Uh yes definitely. I would love to see more parks being made in my city.

✓ Yes, definitely. I would love to see more parks built in my city.

'Being made' is grammatically possible but awkward; 'built' is a clearer past participle in this context and fits the modal 'would love to see' referring to future development. Suggestion: prefer concise participle forms like 'built' after 'see'.

× So many other many children can enjoy them and spend their childhood day childhood there like I did.

✓ So many other children can enjoy them and spend their childhood there like I did.

Redundant 'many' repeated and awkward phrase 'childhood day childhood'. Remove repetition and keep 'spend their childhood there'. Suggestion: avoid duplicate quantifiers and unnecessary words.

× Absolutely, there are many parks in my city that I would definitely want to go because of the natural trees and the fresh air around makes going to these parks very comfortable and enjoyable.

✓ Absolutely, there are many parks in my city that I would definitely like to visit because the trees and fresh air make visiting them very pleasant and enjoyable.

Change 'want to go' to 'like to visit' for natural phrasing. In the clause 'the fresh air around makes going to these parks very comfortable', subject-verb agreement and awkward gerund phrasing are problematic: use 'trees and fresh air make visiting them...'. This fixes there be usage consistency and subject-verb agreement. Suggestion: use 'visit' for places and ensure the subject of 'make' is plural to match verb.