Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Сократите лишние междометия и повторы, начните с ясного тематического предложения, затем добавьте конкретные детали. Избегайте избыточных слов («uh», «we used to» повторно) и постарайтесь предоставить одну-две конкретные детали (например, виды активностей или частота посещений).

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. We lived in the countryside, so there were many forests and large green spaces nearby, and I often went there with my family to have picnics and play football on weekends.

提案: Упорядочьте ответ: начните с короткого прямого утверждения, затем объясните причины по порядку, используя связки (for one thing, also). Устраните грамматические ошибки (a lot of parks → many parks; I sometimes I go → I sometimes go). Добавьте конкретность (как часто вы выходите и что делаете).

例: Not really — I rarely go to parks now. For one thing, I live in a neighbourhood with few green spaces, and for another, I'm very busy with school and exams, so I might visit a park only once or twice a month to relax.

提案: Сформулируйте ответ более формально и избегайте повторов («now» и «were were»). Начните с чётого мнения, затем приведите 2 конкретные выгоды (эстетика и здоровье), связывая их словами (for example, moreover).

例: Yes, I would. My city has become much less green and is dominated by traffic. More parks and urban forests would not only improve the city's appearance but also help reduce air pollution and provide people with places to exercise.

提案: Упростите и уточните мысль: начните с прямого ответа о желаемых местах, исправьте ошибки (the flora/floor?; I want you → I want to) и избегайте запинаний. Назовите конкретные парки или страны и объясните, почему именно их хотите посетить.

例: Yes, there are many parks I want to visit in the future. For example, I would love to see Kyoto's gardens in Japan and the national parks in China because I admire their landscapes and traditional design, and I plan to travel more across Asia to explore them.

× So, uh, I went there really often and we were playing with my family in there.

✓ So, uh, I went there really often and we played with my family there.

The verb phrase 'were playing' with 'we' creates a past continuous tense that doesn't match the simple past context 'I went there really often.' Use simple past 'played' for habitual past actions. Also 'in there' is unnatural; use 'there'. Suggestion: use consistent tense for past habitual actions and prefer 'there' over 'in there'.

× To be honest, no, I don't think that I still like going to the parks.

✓ To be honest, no, I don't think that I still like going to parks.

'The parks' implies specific parks known to listener; general preference uses plural without article: 'going to parks.' Use simple present for current habits: 'don't think I still like going to parks.' Suggestion: remove the definite article for general statements.

× First of all because we live in a different place now, so there is not a lot of parks in here.

✓ First of all, because we live in a different place now, there are not a lot of parks here.

Use 'there are' for plural (subject-verb agreement) and 'here' instead of 'in here'. Also add comma after introductory phrase. Suggestion: use 'there are' with plural nouns and prefer 'here' for location adverb.

× And another reason will probably because I'm busy nowadays.

✓ And another reason is probably that I'm busy nowadays.

'Will probably because' is ungrammatical. Use present 'is probably that' to state a current reason. Use 'that' after 'probably'. Suggestion: use 'is probably that' for explaining present reasons.

× I have a school, I have exams and I sometimes I go outside, but not really often.

✓ I have school and exams, and I sometimes go outside, but not very often.

Use 'have school' (no article) or 'attend school'. Remove duplicate 'I'. Use 'very often' instead of 'really often' for negative frequency. Suggestion: eliminate repetition and fix adverb collocation.

× Yeah, honestly, because my city is not as green as it used to be.

✓ Yeah, honestly, because my city is not as green as it used to be.

Sentence is correct; no article error present. No change needed.

× Now it's dominated by areas, cars and traffic and the air quality is really bad now.

✓ Now it's dominated by buildings, cars and traffic, and the air quality is really bad.

'Areas' is vague; 'buildings' or 'development' is more natural. Remove redundant 'now'. Add comma before 'and'. Suggestion: choose clearer noun and avoid repetition.

× So if there were were more green areas, forest and parks, I think it would improve the whole appearance of the city and the air quality as well.

✓ So if there were more green areas, forests and parks, I think it would improve the whole appearance of the city and the air quality as well.

Duplicate 'were' is an error. Also use plural 'forests' to match 'areas' and 'parks' and to maintain parallel structure. Suggestion: remove duplicate word and keep parallel plurals.

× Yeah, I travel a lot in Europe and America especially.

✓ Yeah, I travel a lot in Europe and America, especially.

Sentence is mostly correct; only punctuation adjusted for clarity. Present simple 'travel' is fine for habitual action. Suggestion: add comma before 'especially.'

× I visited, umm, a lot of parks and forests.

✓ I have visited a lot of parks and forests.

Use present perfect 'have visited' to connect past experiences to present reference (context asks about parks in general/future). If speaker refers to a specific past time, simple past is ok; here present perfect is more natural. Suggestion: use present perfect when discussing life experiences.

× And to be honest, the floor in there are in is incredible.

✓ And to be honest, the flora in there is incredible.

Original has multiple errors: 'floor' should be 'flora' or 'flora and fauna' if referring to plant life; extra words 'in are in' are mistaken. Use singular 'is' with 'flora' as an uncountable noun. Suggestion: choose correct noun and ensure subject-verb agreement.

× And I want you to travel even more in the future, especially in the Asian part, in the China and Japan, I've seen a lot of beautiful parks that I want to visit.

✓ And I want to travel even more in the future, especially in Asia, China and Japan; I've seen a lot of beautiful parks that I want to visit.

'I want you to travel' wrongly addresses listener; should be 'I want to travel.' Use 'Asia' not 'the Asian part' and drop 'the' before country names. Use semicolon or split sentence to separate ideas and keep tense consistency with present perfect 'I've seen.' Suggestion: address subject correctly, use proper place names and punctuation for clarity.