Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and clear. Start with a direct topic sentence that answers the question, correct grammar (tense and word order), avoid repetition, and include one specific supporting detail linked logically. Limit to 2–3 sentences.

例: Not really. When I was a child, our house was far from the nearest park, so we rarely went there. However, as I grew up I became more interested in picnics and now I enjoy visiting parks with my family when I have free time.

提案: Good direct answer and clear reason. Improve by using more precise vocabulary (e.g., 'friends and family' not 'families'), add a linking word to connect reason to result, and keep sentences concise (max 3).

例: Yes, I do. I especially enjoy going to parks for picnics with friends and family because spending time there helps us create lasting memories and relax away from the city.

提案: Answer directly, correct grammar and word choice (singular/plural, prepositions), and give a specific reason or example why more parks are desirable. Use a linking word to make the logic clear.

例: Yes, I would. I think more parks would offer a variety of atmospheres for different activities; for example, a quiet garden for reading and a larger green space for sports, which would improve residents' quality of life.

提案: Be grammatically accurate and chronological: use correct tense and clear phrasing. Start with a direct statement of the park you want to visit, then give a specific reason using linking words. Fix repeated words and awkward expressions.

例: Yes, I would like to visit Lincoln Park. I read about its history when I was younger and was fascinated by how it has changed over time, so I hope to explore its historic sites and learn more about those developments.

× When I was little, I didn't really like to go into parks because my home was far from then and we really had time for outings.

✓ When I was little, I didn't really like going to parks because my home was far away and we rarely had time for outings.

Use past tense and correct verb forms: 'didn't really like going' is more natural than 'like to go into'. 'Far from then' is incorrect; use 'far away'. 'We really had time' is contradictory with 'didn't like'; context requires 'rarely had time' to express infrequency. Also use 'going to parks' rather than 'go into parks'. Suggested improvement: Use 'didn't like going to' for habits in the past and 'far away' for distance; use adverbs like 'rarely' to indicate frequency.

× As I grew up, I became more interested in picnics and spending time outdoors, so now I enjoy enjoy going to parks with my family when I have free time.

✓ As I grew up, I became more interested in picnics and spending time outdoors, so now I enjoy going to parks with my family when I have free time.

There is a duplicated word 'enjoy'. Remove the repeated word. The tense and structure are otherwise correct. Suggested improvement: Proofread to remove duplicate words and ensure fluent phrasing.

× I usually go when I have free time with my friends and families because spending time with them helps us create lasting memories.

✓ I usually go when I have free time with my friends and family because spending time with them helps us create lasting memories.

Use 'family' (uncountable or collective) rather than 'families' when referring to one's family group. 'Friends and family' is the standard collocation. Suggested improvement: Use collective nouns correctly; say 'friends and family' to refer to the group.

× I would like to see more parks in my city because I think each parks have different feelings if I went to their that park and I want to know more about the parks in my city.

✓ I would like to see more parks in my city because I think each park has a different atmosphere when I visit it, and I want to learn more about the parks in my city.

Several issues: 'each parks' should be 'each park' (singular after 'each'); 'have' should be 'has' to agree with singular subject (subject-verb agreement); 'different feelings' is unnatural—use 'different atmosphere' or 'different feeling' and rephrase 'if I went to their that park' to 'when I visit it'. Also 'know more about' can be 'learn more about'. Suggested improvement: Use 'each' with singular nouns and match verb number; choose natural collocations like 'different atmosphere' and use clear time clauses ('when I visit').

× If I had to choose, I was at Lincoln Park.

✓ If I had to choose, I would choose Lincoln Park.

The original uses past 'was at' incorrectly in a conditional choice context. Use a conditional result 'I would choose' to express preference. Suggested improvement: For hypothetical choices, use 'If I had to choose, I would...' followed by the choice.

× I read an article about this history when I was young and was fascinated by by how the park has changed over time.

✓ I read an article about its history when I was young and was fascinated by how the park has changed over time.

Use 'its history' rather than 'this history' to refer to the park; remove the duplicated 'by'. 'About its history' is the correct collocation. Suggested improvement: Use possessive 'its' for the park's history and proofread for duplicate words.

× I'd like to visit to explore its historic site and learn more about those changes.

✓ I'd like to visit to explore its historic sites and learn more about those changes.

'Explore its historic site' could be acceptable if there is one site, but 'sites' plural is more natural when referring generally; however the main issue is awkward verb-preposition pairing is okay. If singular intended, 'its historic site' is fine. Adjusted to plural to match 'those changes'. Suggested improvement: Match singular/plural consistently: if referring to multiple places, use 'sites'; if one, keep singular.