Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and vary vocabulary; start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details with linking words. Avoid repetition (e.g. ‘recharge energy’ twice) and use natural collocations such as ‘get some exercise’ or ‘recharge my batteries.’

例: Yes — I loved going to parks as a child. I often went there with my friends after school to play hide-and-seek and to walk around the lake, which helped us get some exercise and relax. As a result, we made lots of childhood friends.

提案: Combine short fragments into fuller sentences and avoid repeating the same ideas. Use linking words (for example, ‘especially’ and ‘because’) to connect reasons and give one specific detail about what you enjoy. Use natural phrases like ‘enjoy nature’ and ‘recharge my batteries.’

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks. I go almost every day after school to walk around a small lake because I enjoy the fresh air and the peaceful surroundings, which help me recharge my batteries and clear my mind.

提案: Make a clear topic sentence and then give one or two specific, grammatically correct reasons. Avoid awkward phrases and grammar errors (e.g. ‘parks involves many tree’). Use plurals and correct verb forms, and prefer natural collocations like ‘enjoy nature’ and ‘improve air quality.’

例: Yes, I would. Parks are valuable because they provide green space where people can relax and exercise. In addition, trees help improve air quality and make the city feel less crowded, so parks benefit everyone.

提案: Begin with a complete sentence naming the park, then give one or two clear reasons why you want to visit, using linking words for coherence. Correct small errors (e.g. ‘in the newspaper’ not ‘on the newspaper’) and clarify activities you plan to do.

例: Yes — I would like to visit Kung Fu National Park. I read about it in the newspaper and was impressed by its vibrant landscapes and the wildlife, so I want to see the scenery in person and take part in tree-planting or conservation activities there.

× I often went there with my friends after school to play hide and seek and walk around the lake to take exercise and recharge energy.

✓ I often went there with my friends after school to play hide-and-seek, walk around the lake to get some exercise, and recharge our energy.

Incorrect use of verb + -ing and phrasing: 'take exercise' is not idiomatic in English; use 'get some exercise'. Also parallel verb forms should be maintained: 'to play..., walk..., and recharge...' or use gerunds consistently. Added 'our' before 'energy' to clarify the subject and changed 'hide and seek' to hyphenated 'hide-and-seek' for standard form.

× I also love going to the park every day, especially after school, to walk around a small lake in the park and enjoy the nature.

✓ I also love going to the park every day, especially after school, to walk around the small lake in the park and enjoy nature.

Incorrect article use with 'nature' and awkward phrasing: 'the nature' is not correct here; use 'nature' without an article. Use 'the small lake' if referring to a specific lake already mentioned. This keeps present habitual tense consistent and natural.

× It's a great time for me to recharge energy and feel more energetic.

✓ It's a great time for me to recharge my energy and feel more energetic.

Missing possessive determiner for 'energy': 'recharge energy' is ungrammatical; use 'recharge my energy' or 'recharge my batteries' to indicate whose energy is being recharged.

× I also make many friends there.

✓ I also make many friends there.

Sentence is grammatically acceptable but potentially inconsistent in tense with earlier 'loved' and 'went'. In the present context the sentence is fine: 'make many friends' (plural) is correct. No change needed, kept to confirm it's correct.

× Yes, personally I realize that parks are one of the most great places for everyone to enjoy the nature and recharge the energy because parks involves many tree which have the atmosphere become more vibrant and clearer so everyone can enjoy from all places.

✓ Yes, personally I think that parks are one of the greatest places for everyone to enjoy nature and recharge their energy because parks involve many trees, which make the atmosphere more vibrant and clearer so everyone can enjoy them.

Multiple article, agreement, and noun-number errors: 'one of the most great' is incorrect; use 'one of the greatest'. 'Enjoy the nature' should be 'enjoy nature' (no article). 'Recharge the energy' needs a possessive: 'recharge their energy'. Subject-verb agreement: 'parks involves' should be 'parks involve'. 'Many tree' should be 'many trees'. Relative clause: 'which have the atmosphere become more vibrant and clearer' is ungrammatical; change to 'which make the atmosphere more vibrant and clearer'. 'Enjoy from all places' is awkward; use 'enjoy them' or 'enjoy the parks'.

× Kung Fu National Park. I first saw it on the newspaper about the Environmental Protection and it really caught my attention with the vibrant landscape and many white animals.

✓ Kung Fu National Park. I first read about it in a newspaper article about environmental protection, and it really caught my attention with its vibrant landscape and many white animals.

Sentence fragment and wrong preposition/article use: 'Kung Fu National Park.' as a standalone fragment is acceptable in spoken style but better to connect. 'Saw it on the newspaper' should be 'read about it in a newspaper article' ('on the newspaper' is incorrect). 'About the Environmental Protection' is awkward; use 'about environmental protection'. Added 'its' to show possession ('its vibrant landscape'). Also joined clauses with a comma and 'and' for smoother structure.

× I really want to come there to visit and explore planting trees.

✓ I really want to go there to visit and help plant trees.

Incorrect verb/preposition collocation: 'come there' should be 'go there' when speaking about traveling to another place from the speaker's perspective. 'Explore planting trees' is awkward; better as 'help plant trees' or 'take part in planting trees'. Revised to natural collocations.