Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be direct and fluent: start with a clear topic sentence (Yes/No), then give one or two specific reasons or examples. Avoid grammar mistakes (use past simple) and unnecessary fillers. Keep it within 2–3 sentences and use linking words such as 'because' or 'so'.

例: No, I didn't visit parks much as a child because my parents preferred taking me to museums. As a result, I spent most weekends doing homework or looking at exhibits rather than playing outdoors.

提案: Good content and clear idea. Improve by shortening redundant phrases and correcting grammar (use 'some of my free time' and remove repeated 'still'). Use one linking phrase and a concise supporting detail. Aim for natural phrasing.

例: Yes, I do. Although I'm busy with school, I spend some of my free time walking or cycling in the park to relax and clear my mind after a long day.

提案: Clarify your main point and use correct vocabulary. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give two specific benefits (e.g., better air, recreation). Avoid hesitations and unclear words—replace 'egg pollution' and 'lies' with the correct terms. Keep sentences short and logical using linking words like 'because' and 'also'.

例: Yes, I would. More parks would improve air quality because they have many trees, and they would also provide more recreational options like playgrounds and walking paths for families.

提案: Give a direct answer and a specific plan or reason. If unsure, say so and then mention a realistic future option (a type of park or activity). Use correct grammar and link ideas with 'however' or 'but'. Be specific about how you would 'take care' of trees.

例: I'm not sure about a specific park, but in the future I would like to visit newly built urban parks. Meanwhile, I plan to join local tree-planting events to help improve my city's green spaces.

× When I was a child, I'm not usually going to parks, so I don't know.

✓ When I was a child, I did not usually go to parks, so I don't know much about them.

The sentence mixes past context ('When I was a child') with present tense 'I'm not usually going' and uses 'usually' incorrectly with present continuous. Use simple past for habitual actions in the past: 'did not usually go'. Also 'I don't know' is vague; specify 'I don't know much about them' for clarity.

× I don't recognize anything about the parks because I often went to museum or I have to stay at home to do all of my homework.

✓ I did not know much about parks because I often went to museums or I had to stay at home to do all of my homework.

This sentence mixes present ('I don't recognize') with past ('I often went') and uses incorrect present 'have to' for past obligation. Use simple past for past habits and obligations: 'did not know', 'went', 'had to'. Also 'museum' should be plural 'museums' when speaking generally.

× Yes, I still do even though I'm busy with my school life, but I still have to spend some my free time to take a walk or ride a bike around the park to unwind and relax my mind after a long school day.

✓ Yes, I still do. Even though I'm busy with school, I still spend some of my free time walking or riding a bike around the park to unwind and relax after a long school day.

Use consistent present tense for current habits: 'I still spend'. 'Spend some my free time' is ungrammatical — use 'some of my free time'. Instead of 'to take a walk or ride a bike' use gerunds 'walking or riding a bike' for parallel structure. 'Relax my mind' can be simplified to 'relax'.

× I would love to because in the parks they spend more time to take care or grow the tree, which is helping, umm, egg pollution to slightly changes and they're more entertainment things to do like lies.

✓ I would love to, because in the parks they spend more time taking care of and growing trees, which helps reduce air pollution a little, and there are more recreational activities to do there.

Pronoun and noun references are unclear: 'they spend more time to take care or grow the tree' should be 'they spend more time taking care of and growing trees'. 'Which is helping, umm, egg pollution to slightly changes' is confused; likely intended 'helps reduce air pollution slightly'. 'They're more entertainment things to do like lies' should be 'there are more recreational activities to do there'. Fix verb forms (gerunds after 'spend time') and noun agreement.

× I love though a lot and yeah.

✓ I really love them a lot.

The original fragment is informal and disordered. Use clear subject and object: 'I really love them a lot' (referring to parks). Avoid filler words like 'though' and 'yeah' in formal corrections.

× In the future I'm not sure about that, but in the present I have to take care of the trees that can helpful from my city.

✓ In the future I'm not sure, but at present I have to help take care of the trees that can benefit my city.

Use proper phrase 'at present' for current time. 'I have to take care of the trees that can helpful from my city' has wrong adjective form and preposition. 'Can helpful from my city' should be 'can benefit my city' or 'that help my city'. Use infinitive 'help take care' or simply 'help care for' for natural phrasing.