Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Keep the answer direct and correct small grammar and word-choice errors. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid minor mistakes like 'as a try' and use concise phrasing.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. My parents usually took me there on weekends, and I enjoyed exploring different kinds of trees and watching birds. For example, I remember learning to identify sparrows and robins while playing games with other children.

提案: Make the response more natural and correct grammar. Use a clear topic sentence, then briefly explain the reason using linking words. Replace awkward phrases (e.g. 'love the feelings of exploring the nature', 'snow under', 'classes over classes') with natural expressions.

例: Yes, I still enjoy visiting parks. However, at the moment I'm a high school senior and I'm overwhelmed with schoolwork, so I don't have much free time to go there.

提案: This answer is clear and relevant. Improve cohesion by using linking words and add one specific example to strengthen the point. Keep sentences natural and concise.

例: Yes, I would. My city is full of tall buildings and shopping areas, so green spaces are scarce. For instance, a new park near a residential area would give families a place to relax and encourage people to exercise outdoors.

提案: Answer directly with a topic sentence and then give specific details about the parks you want to visit. Avoid repetition and minor errors ('parts' -> 'parks'). Use linking words for clarity.

例: Yes, in the future I would like to visit several large city parks and a nearby national park. For example, I want to explore the botanical gardens in the city and hike in the national park to enjoy different landscapes and wildlife.

× I loved going to parks as a try because I was fascinated by nature.

✓ I loved going to parks as a child because I was fascinated by nature.

The word 'try' is incorrect in this context; the intended noun is 'child.' This is a sentence structure/word choice error. Replace 'try' with 'child' to convey the correct meaning and ensure the sentence makes logical sense.

× I still love the feelings of exploring the nature.

✓ I still love the feeling of exploring nature.

'The feelings' is awkward and not idiomatic; 'the feeling' or simply 'feeling' is better. Also, 'the nature' is incorrect because 'nature' as a general concept does not take the definite article here. Remove 'the' before 'nature' and use singular 'feeling' to make the phrase natural and grammatically correct.

× However because currently I'm a senior in high school so I'm snow under with classes over classes so I don't have much time to spare to go to parks.

✓ However, because I am currently a senior in high school, I am snowed under with classes, so I don't have much time to spare to go to parks.

Multiple issues: word order and punctuation are incorrect, and the idiom is misspelled. Use commas to separate clauses ('However, because I am currently...'), correct 'snow under' to the idiom 'snowed under,' and remove the redundant 'so' after the dependent clause. Also expand contractions for clarity if desired ('I am'). These fixes correct sentence structure and verb form in the idiom.

× Most parks would provide places for families to relax and encourage outdoor exercise.

✓ Most parks provide places for families to relax and encourage outdoor exercise.

Using 'would provide' is unnecessary conditional here; the simple present 'provide' fits general truth. This relates to verb tense/number sense: 'parks' (plural) matches 'provide' (plural verb). Changing to present tense makes the sentence a factual statement about parks.

× I would particularly like to plan trips to a few large city parks and a nearby National Park to enjoy different scenes.

✓ I would particularly like to plan trips to a few large city parks and a nearby national park to enjoy different scenes.

'National Park' should not be capitalized unless it is part of a proper name; use lowercase 'national park' for a generic reference. This is an article/capitalization and noun usage issue. No article change needed, but capitalization corrected.