Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more natural and concise: begin with a clear topic sentence, correct grammar (tense and articles), avoid repetition, and keep details specific and coherent. Use linking words to connect ideas and limit to 3–4 sentences. Also correct small vocabulary/capitalization errors (e.g., 'a swing', 'climbing dome', 'we played').

例: Yes — I loved going to parks as a child. The park near my house had a swing and a small climbing dome, plus an open field where we played hide-and-seek and football with neighborhood kids. Those afternoons are some of my happiest childhood memories.

提案: Improve accuracy and natural phrasing, correct verb forms and collocations, and avoid awkward or incorrect words ('tell her to park' should be 'take her to the park'; 'motor skill' → 'motor skills'). Use linking words (e.g., 'because', 'so') and keep answer within 3–4 sentences with specific examples.

例: Yes — I still enjoy parks, but now I take my daughter so she can have the same experiences I did. She loves the swings, slide and seesaw, and I often bring bubbles for her to chase. It's rewarding to watch her develop new motor skills while playing.

提案: Focus on grammatical accuracy (subject-verb agreement: 'parks in Jakarta were' or 'used to be'), avoid redundancy, and use clearer linking phrases ('because', 'as a result'). Be specific about what improvements you mean and keep to 3–4 sentences.

例: Yes, definitely. Parks in Jakarta used to be little more than open fields, but the city has recently improved playground equipment and landscaping. I'd like to visit more upgraded parks because they offer safe play areas for children and pleasant green spaces for families.

提案: Make phrasing natural and correct names ('Central Park' not 'Central Parks'), avoid awkward phrasing ('exploring its thrill'), and use linking words to separate ideas. Be specific about what you want to do and keep to 2–4 sentences.

例: Yes — I'd love to visit Central Park in New York because it's an iconic green space where I could rent a bike and explore. I'm also interested in parks in Tokyo and London to observe how public spaces reflect different local cultures and design styles.

× As a child, the park that I used to visit was a small local park near my house with a slight a swing and a climbing Dome.

✓ As a child, the park that I used to visit was a small local park near my house with a small swing and a climbing dome.

The sentence has article and word choice errors: 'a slight a swing' is ungrammatical and likely intended 'a small swing'; 'climbing Dome' should not be capitalized and 'dome' is the common noun. Use appropriate articles and correct adjective choice.

× There was also an open field where we play games like that, hide and seek and football with neighborhood kids.

✓ There was also an open field where we played games like tag, hide-and-seek and football with neighborhood kids.

The rest of the sentence is in past tense ('There was'), so the verb should agree in past tense: 'play' should be 'played'. Also 'like that' is unclear and likely 'like tag'; 'hide and seek' is better hyphenated as 'hide-and-seek'.

× Yes I do, but for a different reason. Now since I have a daughter, I tell her to park so she can enjoy the same kind of childhood I had.

✓ Yes, I do, but for a different reason. Now, since I have a daughter, I take her to the park so she can enjoy the same kind of childhood I had.

Wrong verb choice 'tell her to park' is incorrect; the correct expression is 'take her to the park'. Also add commas after 'Yes' and 'Now' for clarity; maintain present tense for ongoing situation.

× She loved to play on the swings, the slide, the seesaw, and I always buy her some bubbles to play with whenever we go.

✓ She loved to play on the swings, the slide, and the seesaw, and I always buy her some bubbles to play with whenever we go.

Tense mismatch: the sentence mixes past 'loved' with present 'buy'. If speaker means this is current habit, change 'loved' to 'loves'. If referring to past, change 'buy' to 'bought'. Here context implies current behavior: use consistent present tense: 'She loves...'.

× It's great to watch her develop new motor skill while playing.

✓ It's great to watch her develop new motor skills while playing.

Count noun 'skill' should be plural 'skills' because 'new motor skills' refers to multiple abilities. Also keep 'while playing' is fine.

× Back then parks in Jakarta is just an open field, but now they have improved a lot over the years, especially the playground equipment since the city government started focusing on revitalizing them.

✓ Back then parks in Jakarta were just open fields, but now they have improved a lot over the years, especially the playground equipment, since the city government started focusing on revitalizing them.

Tense and agreement: 'Back then' requires past plural 'were' and 'open fields' to match plural 'parks'. Also add a comma before 'since' for clarity.

× I'd love to go around and discover more of these upgraded parks because they provide several place areas for children and pleasant green spaces.

✓ I'd love to go around and discover more of these upgraded parks because they provide several play areas for children and pleasant green spaces.

'place areas' is incorrect; the correct collocation is 'play areas'. Keep plural 'areas' to match 'several'.

× Yes, I'd love to visit Central Parks in New York because I've heard it's an iconic green space with many activities and I enjoy renting a bike and exploring its thrill.

✓ Yes, I'd love to visit Central Park in New York because I've heard it's an iconic green space with many activities and I enjoy renting a bike and exploring it.

The correct name is 'Central Park' (singular) so use that. 'Exploring its thrill' is unnatural; use 'exploring it' or 'enjoying the thrill'.

× I'm also hoping to explore parks in Tokyo and London to see how public spaces reflect local culture and design.

✓ I'm also hoping to explore parks in Tokyo and London to see how public spaces reflect local culture and design.

Sentence is correct. It uses present progressive appropriately to express a future plan, so no change needed.