Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more accurate and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence, correct grammar (e.g., 'the park' / 'amusement parks'), avoid unclear phrases ('write some exciting rice'), and give specific, relevant details. Use one or two linking words to connect ideas and keep the answer under five sentences.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child, especially amusement parks. I enjoyed the rides and treats like churros and ice cream, and I also appreciated spending time in natural areas to explore and relax.

提案: Make the response more fluent and grammatical. Use a clear topic sentence, correct collocations (e.g., 'relieve stress' not 'release my stresses by Sarah'), and concise supporting detail with linking words ('because' / 'so'). Avoid repetition and unclear words. Keep it to two or three sentences.

例: Yes, I enjoy going to parks even more now. Because my job is stressful, I often go to parks to relieve stress and clear my mind, and being surrounded by trees and fresh air really helps me feel peaceful.

提案: Organize ideas: give a direct opinion, then one or two specific reasons. Correct grammar (e.g., 'I would love that', 'there are too many buildings but not enough green space'). Use linking words like 'however' to contrast points and avoid vague phrases ('some exciting happen').

例: Yes, I would love to see more parks in my city. I have visited most of the existing parks, and while they are pleasant, the city has too many buildings and not enough green space, so creating more parks would improve residents’ quality of life.

提案: Provide a concise, clear answer with one or two specific reasons. Correct small grammar issues ('I would love to visit Central Park', 'it’s really interesting that it is a large park'). Use linking words such as 'because' and avoid filler words like 'umm'.

例: Yes, I would love to visit Central Park in New York City. It seems impressive because it is a large green space in the middle of a busy city where people relax and enjoy nature, and I would like to experience that atmosphere myself.

× Yes, I liked going to park, especially amusement park, though 'cause I could do a lot of things, such as I could eat some churros, some ice cream and I could write some exciting rice. And I also liked nature.

✓ Yes, I liked going to parks, especially amusement parks, because I could do a lot of things, such as eat churros and ice cream, and I could ride some exciting rides. I also liked nature.

Errors: 'park' and 'amusement park' are countable and should be plural when speaking generally; 'though 'cause' is informal and redundant—use 'because'; 'I could eat some churros, some ice cream and I could write some exciting rice' has repetition and incorrect verbs: 'write' and 'rice' are wrong. Use 'ride' and 'rides'. Also remove unnecessary 'some' before uncountable/clear items. Suggestion: make nouns plural for general habits and use correct verbs (ride) and clearer conjunctions.

× I do, I think I love going to park more than before, more than ever, because I always get stressed by my work and I need to release my stresses by Sarah, by being surrounded by nature and it really helps me to get some peaceful mind.

✓ I do. I think I love going to parks more than before because I often get stressed by my work and need to relieve my stress by being surrounded by nature, and it really helps me achieve a peaceful mind.

Errors: 'going to park' should be 'going to parks' (plural general reference). 'I always get stressed by my work' is acceptable but 'often' is more natural; 'release my stresses' is incorrect collocation—use 'relieve my stress'. 'by Sarah' is unclear and likely incorrect; removed. 'get some peaceful mind' is ungrammatical—use 'achieve a peaceful mind' or 'feel peaceful'. Suggestion: use natural verbs and collocations (relieve stress), pluralize general nouns, and simplify sentence structure.

× Well, yeah, I'll love to. I mean, if there's any more new parks or something, some exciting happen in the park, I'll love to. But I believe I've been to pretty much every park in my city and I don't think there's enough park in my city. There are too many buildings but lack of the green.

✓ Well, yeah, I'd love to. I mean, if there are any new parks or something exciting happens in a park, I'd love to go. But I believe I've been to pretty much every park in my city, and I don't think there are enough parks in my city. There are too many buildings and not enough green space.

Errors: 'I'll love to' is incorrect use of future/modal; 'I'd love to' or 'I would love to' is standard for offers/desires. 'There's any more new parks' mixes singular/plural; use 'there are any new parks'. 'some exciting happen' is ungrammatical—use 'something exciting happens'. 'enough park' should be 'enough parks' or 'enough park space'; 'lack of the green' is ungrammatical—use 'not enough green space' or 'lack of greenery'. Suggestion: use conditional/modal 'would' for preferences, ensure subject-verb agreement, and use natural phrases for 'green space'.

× Yeah, I love to visit Central Park in New York City. I've never been to New York, but is really interesting that they got the giant big park in the middle of the city and the green is amazing and everyone just chilled there and umm, it looks very cool to me.

✓ Yeah, I'd love to visit Central Park in New York City. I've never been to New York, but it's really interesting that they have a giant park in the middle of the city. The greenery is amazing and everyone just relaxes there, and it looks very cool to me.

Errors: 'I love to visit' should be 'I'd love to visit' to express desire. 'but is really interesting' missing subject—use 'it's'. 'they got the giant big park' is informal and redundant—use 'they have a giant park' or 'there is a large park'. 'the green is amazing' is awkward—use 'the greenery is amazing'. 'everyone just chilled there' mixes past with present context; use 'relaxes' for habitual observation or 'chills' informally. Suggestion: use correct contractions and subjects ('it's'), avoid informal 'got', choose appropriate tense for observations, and use natural nouns like 'greenery' or 'green space'.