Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Reduce hesitations and correct small mistakes; give a clear topic sentence then two specific supporting details with linking words. Avoid filler words (uh, um) and incorrect words like “Box”.

例: Yes — I loved going to parks as a child. My parents often took me there at the weekends, and I enjoyed riding my bike and playing on the slides and swings with my friends. Because the parks were safe and full of children, they felt like a fun and lively place to be.

提案: Correct vocabulary errors and reduce hesitations; start with a direct topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words (for example, because, so).

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks now. I often go with my sister or sometimes with friends because parks are peaceful and help me relax away from the busy city.

提案: Fix grammar (verb agreement) and be more specific in reasons; use linking words to connect ideas and avoid fillers. Provide one clear opinion sentence followed by two specific benefits with brief examples.

例: Absolutely — I would like to see more parks in my city because they allow people to relax and exercise. Additionally, more green spaces would improve air quality and provide safe playgrounds where children can play and socialize.

提案: Eliminate redundancy and hesitations; correct phrasing (don’t use both “go” and “there” together) and give a clear plan with specifics (when, who, what activities).

例: Yes, there is a new park in my city that I would like to visit. I heard it has lovely gardens and a big lake, so next weekend I plan to go with my sister to jog or cycle around the lake.

× My parents often took me at the weekends.

✓ My parents often took me on the weekends.

Use 'on' with days and expressions like 'the weekend(s)'. 'At the weekends' is acceptable in British English but 'on the weekends' is standard in American English; choose the correct preposition for the variety you use.

× Uh, I loved, uh, riding a bike, uh, and uh, I also played with my friends on uh, slides and swings.

✓ I loved riding my bike, and I also played with my friends on slides and swings.

Remove filler 'uh' and adjust possessive for clarity: 'riding my bike' is more natural than 'riding a bike' when speaking about personal experience. Simplify the sentence structure for fluency.

× Uh, Box was a great place.

✓ The park was a great place.

'Box' seems to be a mistake or mispronunciation. Replace with the intended noun 'park' or a specific park name. Ensure the subject is clear.

× Yes, I still love going to books.

✓ Yes, I still love going to parks.

'Going to books' is incorrect; likely mispronunciation. Use the correct noun 'parks' and the preposition 'to' remains appropriate for 'go to the park'.

× Uh, I often go with my sister or sometime with my friends.

✓ I often go with my sister or sometimes with my friends.

Use the adverb 'sometimes' (not 'sometime') to indicate occasional action. 'Sometimes' modifies frequency correctly.

× Uh, it's a great place to relax and unwind and stay away a little bit from the busy city.

✓ It's a great place to relax and unwind and get away a little bit from the busy city.

Use 'get away' instead of 'stay away' to express leaving daily routine. Alternatively, include the article 'the busy city' is acceptable; the main issue was verb choice and idiomatic expression.

× Uh, it allow people to relax and unwind a little bit.

✓ It allows people to relax and unwind a little bit.

Subject 'it' is third person singular, so the verb must be 'allows' (adds -s). This is a subject-verb agreement/third person singular issue.

× It also makes the air more clean and it's a great place for kids so they can play and they can, umm, uh.

✓ It also makes the air cleaner, and it's a great place for kids so they can play.

Use comparative adjective 'cleaner' (not 'more clean'). Remove filler words and the trailing hesitation; keep the sentence concise.

× Yes, there is a new park in my city that I would like to go there.

✓ Yes, there is a new park in my city that I would like to go to.

Avoid using both 'there' and the preposition 'there' at the end. Use 'go to' directly and omit the extra 'there' to form a correct relative clause.

× I heard that it has gardens and a Big Lake.

✓ I heard that it has gardens and a big lake.

Do not capitalize 'big' mid-sentence; use lowercase. Also 'a big lake' is correct with the indefinite article 'a'.

× I would like to go there with my sister at the weekend.

✓ I would like to go there with my sister on the weekend.

Use 'on the weekend' (American English) or 'at the weekend' (British English). Match the variety of English consistently; replace 'at' with 'on' if using American English.

× Uh, maybe jogging or cycling around?

✓ Maybe we could jog or cycle around.

Turn the fragment into a full sentence by adding a subject and auxiliary for a polite suggestion. 'Maybe we could jog or cycle around' is complete and appropriate.