Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and direct with a clear topic sentence, avoid repetition, and add one specific brief detail to make the answer more informative. Use a linking word to connect the reason. For example, start with a direct statement, then give one specific reason and a short result or feeling.

例: Not really. I rarely went to parks as a child because both my parents worked long hours, so I spent most afternoons at home with my older sister. As a result, I don’t have many memories of playing in parks.

提案: Keep the clear topic sentence but tighten phrasing and avoid awkward negatives. Use linking words to sequence ideas and add a specific example or description to make it vivid. Limit to three to four sentences maximum.

例: Yes, I do. I go to parks mainly to relax and read, because the quiet atmosphere helps me focus. For example, last weekend I spent an hour reading a novel on a bench and then bought a coffee from a nearby café on my way home.

提案: Answer more directly and give a clear reason and a supporting example. Avoid vague phrases like "differentness." Use linking words (however, because, for example) and replace informal phrasing with precise vocabulary.

例: I wouldn't necessarily want more parks in my city; however, I would like to visit parks in other countries because they often reflect different cultures and landscapes. For example, I’d love to see Japan’s landscaped gardens or London’s historic royal parks.

提案: Avoid filler words and hesitation. Provide a direct answer with at least one tentative plan or general preference. Use linking words to explain why and give a specific example or goal to show thoughtfulness.

例: I haven't planned any specific park visits yet, but I would like to explore famous parks abroad in the future. For instance, I might visit New York's Central Park to see how an urban green space is used for recreation and events.

× Unfortunately I didn't really get the chance to go to parks a lot because I was always at home and my parents were working, so it was a little hard for me to have some time in the park, so I don't really know how it feels.

✓ Unfortunately I didn't really get the chance to go to parks a lot because I was always at home and my parents were working, so it was a little hard for me to have time in the park, and so I don't really know how it feels.

The original sentence mixes past and present ideas awkwardly and repeats conjunctions. Change 'have some time in the park' to 'have time in the park' for natural phrasing. Replace the second 'so' with 'and so' to connect clauses smoothly and maintain past context for the main idea while preserving the present 'I don't really know how it feels' which expresses a present-state result. Suggestion: Keep tense consistent and avoid redundant conjunctions.

× And the reason why I like going to parks now is not because I like to spend time in there or I like to have some fun in there.

✓ And the reason why I like going to parks now is not because I like to spend time there or because I like to have some fun there.

Use 'there' rather than 'in there' after verbs like 'spend time' and 'have fun.' 'In there' is redundant and informal. Also add 'because' before the second clause for parallel structure: 'not because ... or because ...'. Suggestion: Use 'there' for location after verbs and ensure parallel grammar in coordinated clauses.

× It is because I want to have some time with myself and read a book, maybe have a cup of coffee on the way back home.

✓ It is because I want to have some time to myself and read a book, maybe have a cup of coffee on the way home.

Use the idiomatic phrase 'time to myself' rather than 'time with myself.' Also 'on the way back home' is wordy; 'on the way home' is more natural. Maintain parallel verb forms: 'to have time to myself and read a book' is correct. Suggestion: Use idiomatic expressions and concise prepositional phrases.

× Not in my city, but in other countries. Of course, I really like to see some different things.

✓ Not in my city, but in other countries. Of course, I would really like to see different things.

'Like to see some different things' is awkward; 'would really like to see different things' expresses desire more naturally. 'Some' is unnecessary and vague here. Using conditional 'would' fits the hypothetical context of wanting parks elsewhere. Suggestion: Use 'would' for preferences about hypothetical situations and avoid unnecessary quantifiers like 'some.'

× I'm not a kind of person who really likes to do the same things over and over again.

✓ I'm not the kind of person who really likes to do the same things over and over again.

Use 'the kind of person' rather than 'a kind of person' when referring to a general personal characteristic in this context. 'The kind of person who' is the standard collocation. Suggestion: Use set expressions like 'the kind of person who' for character descriptions.

× So yes, I would like to, but with a little touch of differentness.

✓ So yes, I would like to, but with a touch of variety.

'A little touch of differentness' is non-idiomatic. Use 'a touch of variety' or 'a bit of variety' to convey the intended meaning naturally. Suggestion: Prefer idiomatic nouns like 'variety' instead of abstract 'differentness.'

× Umm, to be honest, I've never thought about this, but of course, why not? Umm, but I don't really.

✓ Umm, to be honest, I've never thought about this, but of course, why not? Umm, but I haven't really.

The sentence ends with 'I don't really,' which is incomplete and mismatches earlier present perfect 'I've never thought.' Use 'I haven't really' to indicate lack of action up to now. This keeps tense consistent and completes the idea. Suggestion: Match negative contractions to the tense used earlier and avoid sentence fragments.

× I mean, I haven't really visited and, uh, searched up for some parks on Google or something like that.

✓ I mean, I haven't really visited or searched for parks on Google or anything like that.

Use 'searched for' rather than 'searched up for' — 'search up' is nonstandard. Also use 'or' to join the verbs properly ('visited or searched') and 'parks' without 'some' for conciseness. 'Anything like that' is more natural than 'something like that.' Suggestion: Use correct phrasal verbs ('search for'), proper conjunctions ('or'), and natural phrases ('anything like that').