Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 回答自然但有语法和表达不准的问题，句子较长且重复。建议：1) 使用一般过去时描述过去的习惯（e.g. used to）。2) 精简并把重点放在主题句，然后补充具体细节。3) 注意主谓一致和时态一致。示例改进句型：直接说明喜欢，然后给一两个具体例子。

例: Yes, I loved going to parks with my grandpa when I was a child. He used to buy me a candy from any shop we passed, so I would always pretend to spot a store on the way to make sure I got a treat.

提案: 表达意图清楚但语法混乱、词汇使用不当（e.g. 'flexible works','climb down'）。建议：1) 用准确词汇表达原因（e.g. stressful work, relax, unwind）。2) 使用连接词使结构清晰。3) 控制长度不超过5句并保持流畅。

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks. After a stressful day at work I often visit a nearby park to relax and clear my mind. When I return home I usually feel calmer and happier.

提案: 内容观点可以，但语法、句子组织和用词有问题（e.g. 'parks is a important part'，句子中断）。建议：1) 用一到两句直接表达观点并给出具体理由（green space, community health）。2) 注意冠词和单复数形式。3) 避免句子中断，使用连接词如 'because'、'so'。

例: Definitely. I believe more parks would improve the city’s green space and enhance residents’ quality of life because people can relax, exercise, and socialize there after work.

提案: 答题含糊且语法混乱，逻辑不清。建议：1) 先直接回答（Yes/No），然后给具体目标或理由。2) 用准确表达描述想去的公园类型（e.g. national parks, scenic landscapes）。3) 避免不完整句和拼写错误，保持最多五句。

例: I don't usually remember park names, but I would love to visit national parks in the United States because they have stunning natural scenery and diverse landscapes. For example, I hope to see Yosemite or the Grand Canyon one day.

× Definitely, every time I went to parks with my grandpa, he will buy me a candy if there is a store.

✓ Definitely. Every time I went to parks with my grandpa, he would buy me a candy if there was a store.

句中描述的是过去反复发生的动作，应使用过去时态或过去习惯性结构。原句中混用了过去式“went”和将来/一般现在“will buy”、“is”，时态不一致。建议将“will buy”改为过去习惯用法“would buy”，将“is”改为过去式“was”。

× So every time I pretend there was a store in the road that we are going to so I can get a candy in the park.

✓ So every time I pretended there was a store on the road we were going to so I could get a candy in the park.

1) 时态需与叙述过去的整体情境一致，应把现在时“pretend”改为过去式“pretended”。2) “in the road”在英语中通常用“on the road”。3) “we are going to”需改为过去进行或过去计划“we were going to”。4) “can”改为过去式“could”。这些改动保持时态一致，句子更自然。

× Yes, of course, every time I feel very after I've done my flexible works I will go to the park where make me climb down and can release my anxiety.

✓ Yes, of course. Every time I feel very stressed after I've done my flexible work, I go to the park where it helps me calm down and release my anxiety.

1) 原句缺少表达情绪的形容词，应为“stressed”。2) “flexible works”用法错误，应为“flexible work”或更自然的“my flexible work”。3) 时态需与现在习惯相符，不能用将来时“will go”描述常态，改为一般现在时“go”。4) “where make me climb down”结构错误，应改为“where it helps me calm down”（帮助我冷静下来）。5) “can release my anxiety”改为“release my anxiety”，更流畅。

× And after I go to the park, when I get home I feel very free and a sense of happiness.

✓ And after I go to the park, when I get home I feel very free and have a sense of happiness.

动词搭配问题：“feel ... and a sense of happiness”缺少动词，需在并列成分中保持动词一致，改为“feel very free and have a sense of happiness”。

× Definitely and I think every citizen would love to see this is because parks is a important part of a city which can make the city more green and have more sense of life.

✓ Definitely. I think every citizen would love to see more parks because parks are an important part of a city; they can make the city greener and give it more vitality.

1) 原句结构混乱，“see this is because”不通，应拆分为两句并明确因果关系。2) “parks is”主谓不一致，复数名词parks应配复数动词“are”。3) “a important”冠词用法错误，之前已用复数可去冠词或改为“an important part”。4) “make the city more green and have more sense of life”表达不地道，改为“make the city greener and give it more vitality”。以上修改修正了代词与主谓一致及表达不自然问题。

× Citizen can go to the park after. Their work which?

✓ Citizens can go to the park after their work.

原句有断句与疑问句混用导致语序混乱。“Citizen”应为复数“Citizens”；“after. Their work which?”是错误的分句与疑问，正确表达是把“after their work”连成状语放在句末。

× Actually, I don't usually remember the name of a park because I seeing every park name as park,

✓ Actually, I don't usually remember the name of a park because I see every park's name as just 'park',

1) “I seeing”是现在分词，用法错误，需用一般现在时“I see”。2) “every park name as park”表达不完整，改为“see every park's name as just 'park'”更自然。

× but I've never heard a park in America which on the towns of natural screens and beautiful landscape.

✓ but I've never seen a park in America that is in towns with natural scenery and beautiful landscapes.

1) “heard a park”用词错误，应为“seen a park”或“visited a park”。2) “which on the towns of natural screens”语序和介词错误，应为“that is in towns with natural scenery”。3) “screens”用词错误，应为“scenery”，并注意“landscape”可用复数“landscapes”。这些改动修正了介词和名词用法使句子通顺。

× I think that might be I want to go.

✓ I think that might be the one I want to visit.

原句结构不完整且不符合表达愿望的习惯用法。使用“might be”后应接名词短语，如“the one I want to visit”。这样表达将来的意愿更准确。