Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more natural and concise: begin with a clear topic sentence, avoid hesitations and repetition, correct article use (say “the park” or “parks”), and add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Keep it within 3–4 sentences.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. I often went with my family to play on the swings and have picnics, which helped me relax. Nowadays I still visit a park occasionally when I need to unwind from a busy week.

提案: Start directly with a clear affirmative sentence, avoid filler words, and give a specific reason or example. Use a linking phrase to connect idea to a detail (for example, “because” or “for example”). Keep it brief and natural.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks because they remind me of childhood memories. For example, I like sitting on a bench and watching children play, which makes me feel nostalgic and relaxed.

提案: Give a clear opinion with correct grammar and fewer hesitations. Use a supporting reason with specific detail and a linking word (e.g., “because” or “so”). Correct noun forms (say “has two parks” and clarify what you mean by “active”). Limit to 2–3 sentences.

例: Absolutely — my city should have more parks because it only has two small ones at the moment. These parks are not well maintained or lively, so more green spaces would improve residents’ wellbeing.

提案: Answer directly: name the place if possible (or say you don’t know the exact name), then give a specific reason using linking words and check grammar (say “in Manhattan” and “seen it thousands of times”). Remove irrelevant remarks. Keep it to 2–3 sentences.

例: Yes — I would like to visit a famous park in Manhattan, even though I don't know its exact name. I want to go because I’ve seen it in many films and I’m curious to experience the atmosphere in real life.

× Yes, I loved going to park and I still go to park, but not, uh, frequently.

✓ Yes, I loved going to the park and I still go to the park, but not frequently.

The noun 'park' here refers to a specific type of place and requires the definite article 'the'. Use 'the park' when speaking generally about the park or parks you visited. Remove filler words like 'uh' and the extra comma for clarity.

× Whenever I just need to relax and get rid of the hectic pace of life, I go to uh park or.

✓ Whenever I need to relax and get rid of the hectic pace of life, I go to the park.

Again, 'park' needs the definite article 'the'. Remove fillers ('uh') and the incomplete ending ('or'). Also 'just' is unnecessary; removing it makes the sentence clearer.

× And yes, I still like going to a place that can remind me of the past experience that I had.

✓ Yes, I still like going to places that remind me of past experiences.

The original sentence is wordy and slightly ungrammatical. Use plural 'places' and 'experiences' for general meaning. Use 'remind me of' rather than 'can remind me of the past experience that I had' for natural phrasing and correct sentence structure.

× I think my city, uh, needs green space.

✓ I think my city needs green space.

This sentence is acceptable, but remove the filler 'uh' for fluency. No article error here; left mainly to improve natural speech.

× Uh, I mean, nowadays my city just have two parks, uh and uh, they are not uh, active or park.

✓ I mean, nowadays my city just has two parks, and they are not very active parks.

Subject 'my city' is singular, so the verb should be 'has' not 'have' (subject-verb agreement). The phrase 'active or park' is ungrammatical; replace with 'active parks' to convey the intended meaning. Remove filler 'uh' and extra commas for clarity.

× We all thought a lot about this question.

✓ I have thought a lot about this question.

Context is an individual responding to a question in the present examination, so first-person singular present perfect 'I have thought' fits better than plural past 'We all thought'. This corrects sentence structure to match the speaker and tense.

× I've been visualizing a park.

✓ I've been visualizing a park.

This sentence is grammatical. No article correction needed. Left unchanged.

× I don't know what it's called, but I know that, uh, it's in the Manhattan, NY.

✓ I don't know what it's called, but I know that it's in Manhattan, NY.

Do not use the definite article 'the' before city names like Manhattan. Remove filler 'uh' for fluency.

× Uh, I love going there because I've seen thousand times in the movies and, uh, cinema.

✓ I love going there because I've seen it thousands of times in movies and cinema.

Use the plural 'thousands' with 'of' when referring to an unspecified large number: 'thousands of times'. Include the object 'it' after 'seen' to clarify what was seen. Remove filler 'uh' and the extra comma. 'In movies and cinema' is redundant; 'in movies' or 'in films' is more natural, but both are acceptable.