Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct grammar while keeping personal details. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Correct tense and noun forms (e.g., “parks were” not “park”), and avoid redundancy (e.g., “I could still remember” → “I remember”).

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. In Metro Manila my grandmother often took me to a small park near her house, and I remember playing on the swings and slides with her watching me. Those visits feel very nostalgic now because we spent a lot of time together.

提案: Keep the answer natural but tighten phrasing and avoid filler words like “you know.” Use a clear topic sentence then add one linking sentence with a contrast (e.g., although/ however) and a specific example of what you enjoy. Watch repetition of “now.”

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks. I live in Dubai, and although summers are very hot, the city has many well-maintained parks where I like to take walks in the cooler winter months when the greenery is at its best.

提案: Provide a clear main idea and a specific reason using correct grammar and linking words. Replace vague phrases (“do not build so many”) with precise language (e.g., “doesn’t build enough parks”), and suggest a consequence or solution briefly.

例: Yes, I would like to see more parks, especially in my hometown in the Philippines, because the local government doesn’t provide enough green spaces. As a result, people often go to shopping malls for recreation instead of having outdoor options.

提案: Be specific and accurate about place names and keep sentences concise. Use linking words to show enthusiasm and plan (e.g., “for example”, “such as”). Avoid repeating phrases like “I would love.”

例: Yes, I hope to visit several parks in the US in the future. For example, I would like to see the Grand Canyon and explore the Palace of Fine Arts in San Francisco during a road trip across the country.

× Yes, I did like going to parks when I was a child.

✓ Yes, I liked going to parks when I was a child.

Use simple past (liked) instead of did + base verb in affirmative statements. 'Did like' is emphatic; plain 'liked' is more natural for a general past habit.

× I could still remember my grandmother used to come with me and bring me to those parks around the city, especially in Metro Manila.

✓ I can still remember my grandmother coming with me and taking me to the parks around the city, especially in Metro Manila.

Use present tense 'can still remember' to express a current memory. Use 'coming' (gerund) after remember for a recollection and 'taking' is more natural than 'bring' when describing past actions from the speaker's perspective.

× It is very near to their house and it's very nostalgic whenever I think about those times that she was with me on those park, like I used to do this slides and swings.

✓ They were very near their house, and it's very nostalgic whenever I think about the times she was with me in those parks; I used to go on the slides and swings.

Use 'were' for plural 'parks'. 'Near' does not require 'to' after it in this context. Use 'in those parks' not 'on those park'. 'Go on the slides and swings' is the correct collocation. 'Times' plural matches 'parks' and 'used to go' expresses habitual past actions.

× Yes, I still like going to parks now.

✓ Yes, I still like going to parks.

The adverb 'now' is redundant with 'still' and can be omitted for naturalness. Present simple 'like' correctly expresses current preference.

× I now live in Dubai and I'm very grateful that the government put so many parks around the city, though.

✓ I now live in Dubai and I'm very grateful that the government has put so many parks around the city.

Use present perfect 'has put' to show an action with present relevance. 'Though' at the end is unnecessary here and can be removed or moved to contrast; keep sentence clear.

× It's really hot during the summer, but during the winter it's very lush just walking around those parks, you know?

✓ It's really hot during the summer, but in winter it's lovely to walk around the parks.

Use 'in winter' rather than 'during the winter' for brevity; 'lovely to walk' is more natural than 'very lush just walking around' — 'lush' describes vegetation, not walking. Keep tense and meaning consistent.

× Yes, I would really love to see more parks in my city, especially on our hometown in the Philippines because the government do not build so many parks around the city, that's why the people tend to go more on the malls.

✓ Yes, I would really love to see more parks in my city, especially in our hometown in the Philippines, because the government does not build many parks there; that's why people tend to go to the malls more.

Use 'in our hometown' not 'on'. Subject-verb agreement: 'government does not' (not 'do not'). Use 'many' not 'so many' in negative. 'There' clarifies location. Use 'go to the malls' rather than 'go on the malls'.

× Yes, there are many parks that I would love to visit in the future, especially around the US.

✓ Yes, there are many parks I would love to visit in the future, especially in the US.

Use 'in the US' rather than 'around the US' for parks located within the country. Removing 'that' is optional; sentence is corrected for natural preposition use.

× I would love to do a road trip and drive around their roads and visit their parks like Grand Canyon and Palace of Fine Arts in Los Angeles, CA.

✓ I would love to take a road trip, drive around, and visit parks such as the Grand Canyon and the Palace of Fine Arts in Los Angeles, CA.

Use 'take a road trip' rather than 'do a road trip'. 'Drive around' is sufficient without 'their roads'. Use 'such as' for examples and add definite articles for named sites: 'the Grand Canyon' and 'the Palace of Fine Arts'.