Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be direct and clear: start with a concise topic sentence, correct grammar, avoid repetition and unclear words, and add one specific detail. Use linking words for coherence. Keep it within 3–4 sentences.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. I often went with my parents in the evenings after dinner, and we would walk along the paths and feed the ducks. Because these visits were relaxing, they became a regular family routine and one of my fondest childhood memories.

提案: Improve accuracy and fluency: avoid filler words, correct verb forms and vocabulary (e.g., 'encourage'->'currently' or 'recently'), and be specific about frequency and activities. Use a linking word to connect ideas.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks. Recently I usually go with my best friend rather than my family, and we visit the park most weekends to walk, chat and relax. This helps us relieve stress and feel closer to nature.

提案: Clarify meaning and correct word choice: avoid incorrect words like 'cars' and 'pockets'—use 'parks' and 'green spaces.' Give a reason and one specific benefit. Use a clear topic sentence and one supporting detail with linking word(s).

例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city. Shenzhen is fast-paced and very modern, so having more green spaces would provide residents with places to relax and exercise. For example, small community parks could improve air quality and offer safe areas for children to play.

提案: Make the answer precise and grammatically correct: name the place clearly, explain why you want to go with specific details (views, activities), and avoid vague words like 'spurs.' Use one linking word to connect reason to place.

例: Yes, I would like to visit Shenzhen Bay Park in the future. It is by the sea and offers waterfront views and walking trails, so I could enjoy fresh air and watch ferries and seabirds. I think it would be a peaceful place to relax and take photos.

× I really enjoyed going to park with my parents when I was a Cho child.

✓ I really enjoyed going to the park with my parents when I was a child.

Use past tense context is fine but missing definite article before 'park' and 'Cho' seems incorrect; changed 'Cho child' to 'a child' to be grammatical. Include 'the' before 'park' because speaking about a specific place visited regularly.

× We usually go to the park after we finished our dinner.

✓ We usually went to the park after we finished our dinner.

The sentence mixes present simple 'usually go' with past 'finished'. For past habitual action use past simple 'usually went'. Keep verb tenses consistent.

× We go there to enjoy the nature and gestures, our daily life and.

✓ We went there to enjoy nature, the scenery, and our daily life.

Unclear word 'gestures' is incorrect; use 'scenery' or 'the surroundings'. 'Enjoy nature' does not need 'the' in general. Removed trailing conjunction and made list parallel.

× I still like going to park now, but uh, right now I'm encourage, I often go to the park not with my family but with my best friend.

✓ I still like going to the park now, but at the moment I'm encouraged to go; I often go to the park not with my family but with my best friend.

Missing article before 'park' and awkward phrase 'I'm encourage' should be 'I'm encouraged' (past participle/adjective). Added 'at the moment' and reworded for clarity. Ensure correct verb form 'encouraged'.

× So you we usually go to the bars in weekends, especially as the Fed weekends to relieve our stress and connect with the nature.

✓ So we usually go to the park on weekends, especially on the weekends, to relieve our stress and connect with nature.

Removed extraneous 'you' and corrected 'bars' to 'park' to match context. Use 'on weekends' not 'in weekends'. 'Connect with nature' does not take 'the'. Simplified redundant phrase.

× Yes, of course, I really like to see more cars in my cities.

✓ Yes, of course, I would like to see more parks in my city.

Original used 'cars' and plural 'cities' which contradicts meaning. Changed to 'parks' and singular 'city' to match question. Also 'would like' is a more natural response.

× You know, I live in Shenzhen is a fast-paced city and it's very modern.

✓ You know, Shenzhen is a fast-paced and very modern city where I live.

Original combines clauses awkwardly. Reordered to form a correct relative clause and adjective order 'fast-paced and very modern city'.

× But I think the park is is also very important that you can see more and more pockets in Shenzhen because there are many communities and employers.

✓ But I think parks are also very important, and Shenzhen needs more green spaces because there are many residential communities and workplaces.

Fixed double 'is is', made subject plural 'parks' to match idea of 'more and more', replaced unclear 'pockets' with 'green spaces', and 'employers' with 'workplaces' or 'places of work' for clarity.

× Yes, I want to go to the Shenzhen Ballpark in the future, because you know, Shenzhen near the sea, and the ballpark is also on the side of the ferries and the sea, and you can see many different spurs in there is very nature.

✓ Yes, I want to go to the Shenzhen Bay Park in the future, because Shenzhen is near the sea, and the park is by the ferry terminal and the sea; you can see many different species of plants and it is very natural.

Corrected tense and grammar: add 'is' after Shenzhen, replaced 'ballpark' (sports stadium) with likely 'Bay Park' based on context or simply 'park'. 'On the side of the ferries' -> 'by the ferry terminal'. 'Spurs' is incorrect; likely 'species' or 'scenery'. Clarified and made sentence grammatical and coherent.