Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and grammatically correct. Start with a clear topic sentence, correct tense and article use, and add one specific supporting detail using a linking word. Avoid redundancy.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child because they gave me fresh air and made me happy. For example, I used to play on the swings with my cousins every weekend, which was always fun.

提案: Correct grammar and sentence structure; use linking words and remove filler sounds. Provide one clear present-tense statement then a specific routine detail. Keep it to 2–3 sentences.

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to the park because it helps me relax and breathe fresh air. For example, I walk there almost every evening to unwind after work.

提案: Answer directly and use correct modal verbs and articles. State a clear opinion and give one reason with a linking word. Avoid hesitation and passive wording.

例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because they improve residents’ health and provide places for families to gather. For instance, more green spaces would make the neighbourhoods more pleasant.

提案: Be precise and avoid repetition. Use one clear sentence naming the park and one supporting reason or detail. Use correct article use and natural phrasing.

例: Yes, I would like to visit Dudhwa National Park because it is a well-known reserve in my region and I want to see its wildlife, especially the bird species and deer.

× Yes, when I was child at that time I really loved going to the park as it gives me a fresh air and happiness.

✓ Yes, when I was a child I really loved going to the park because it gave me fresh air and happiness.

Errors: missing article before 'child' and incorrect pronoun/verb tense agreement ('gives' should be past 'gave' to match 'was'). Also 'a fresh air' uses incorrect article with an uncountable noun; use 'fresh air' without 'a'. Suggestion: add 'a' before 'child', change 'gives' to 'gave', remove 'a' before 'fresh air', and use 'because' for clearer cause.

× Yes, I still like going to the park as I earlier mentioned it, it gives me a fresh air and so happiness.

✓ Yes, I still like going to the park as I mentioned earlier; it gives me fresh air and makes me happy.

Errors: word order ('earlier mentioned it' is incorrect) and 'a fresh air' wrong article with uncountable noun. 'so happiness' is ungrammatical; use 'makes me happy' or 'brings me happiness'. Suggestion: place 'earlier' after 'mentioned', remove 'it' after 'mentioned', keep 'gives' in present because the preference is current, remove 'a' before 'fresh air', and replace 'so happiness' with 'makes me happy'.

× So I really enjoying while uh going to the park as every evening I uh going, I was going.

✓ So I really enjoy going to the park; I go every evening.

Errors: incorrect verb form 'enjoying' should be base form 'enjoy' after auxiliary/context, and redundant/incorrect tense mixing 'I uh going, I was going'. Suggestion: use simple present 'I enjoy' and 'I go' to express habitual action; remove filler sounds for clarity.

× Well, in this time in my city there are no more park, but I really like to be, uh, seen more parks in the future in my city.

✓ Well, at this time in my city there are no more parks, but I would really like to see more parks in the future.

Errors: 'no more park' should be plural 'no more parks' to match plural 'there are'. 'in this time' is unnatural; use 'at this time'. 'like to be seen more parks' is incorrect passive/pronoun use; use active 'would like to see'. Suggestion: change 'in this time' to 'at this time', 'park' to 'parks', and rephrase to 'would like to see more parks'.

× Uh, yes, I really want to go to a famous National Park in my in the future as in my hometown there is a Dudhwa National Park, which is one of the most famous National Park.

✓ Yes, I really want to go to a famous national park in the future because in my hometown there is Dudhwa National Park, which is one of the most famous national parks.

Errors: redundant 'in my in the future', inconsistent capitalization of 'National Park', and singular/plural mismatch 'one of the most famous National Park' should be 'one of the most famous national parks'. Suggestion: remove extra words, use consistent lowercase for 'national park' unless part of the proper name, and pluralize 'parks' after 'one of the most famous'.

× So I really want to go in the future.

✓ So I really want to go in the future.

No grammatical article change needed; sentence is short but acceptable. (Kept for completeness; no change required.)