Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and use correct verb tense and articles. Begin with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details. Use linking words like "and" or "because" and correct nouns (e.g., "the park", "swings", "roundabout"). Avoid unrelated phrases such as "there is a story" unless you explain it.

例: Yes, I loved going to the park as a child because I played on the swings and the roundabout with my friends. We often spent hours there, laughing and inventing games, which created happy memories.

提案: Reduce hesitations and use correct past/time expressions. Start with a direct statement and then give a clear reason. Replace filler sounds (uh) with pauses and use precise vocabulary like "yesterday" and "for my mental health" or "to relax."

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks. Yesterday I visited a small park near my road, and although I used to go mainly to play, now I go mostly to relax and clear my mind.

提案: Organize your answer with a clear topic sentence and specific supporting details. Avoid repetitions and fix grammar ("parks have memories", "from childhood to adulthood"). Mention concrete reasons like more green space, different facilities, or health benefits and use linking words like "because" and "and."

例: Yes, I would like more parks in my city because parks provide green space and different facilities for all ages. For example, one park can have playgrounds for children while another offers walking paths and exercise equipment for adults.

提案: Speak clearly and use correct vocabulary to express future plans. Start with a direct answer like "Yes" and specify which parks or countries you want to visit and why. Avoid unclear words like "infuser" and "offer parts be." Use linking words such as "because" and "for example."

例: Yes, I would like to visit parks abroad in the future, especially famous national parks in Europe and Asia, because I want to see different landscapes and experience new outdoor activities.

× Yes, I do love to go park with my friends.

✓ Yes, I do love to go to parks with my friends.

Missing preposition and plural form. The verb phrase 'go to' requires the preposition to indicate movement toward a place. 'Park' should be plural ('parks') or preceded by an article if singular. Suggestion: use 'go to parks' or 'go to the park'.

× I have a good quality time with my friends with swings and ring on the park and there is a story.

✓ I had a good time with my friends on the swings and the roundabout in the park; there is a story behind it.

Awkward phrasing and wrong quantifier 'a good quality time'. Use 'a good time' for enjoyment. 'Ring' is likely 'roundabout' or 'merry-go-round'. Use past tense 'had' because the question asks about childhood. Include definite article 'the' for specific equipment. Split into clearer clauses.

× Yes, I do like to go uh, in a park.

✓ Yes, I do like to go to a park.

Incorrect preposition 'in' with 'go' when indicating destination; 'go to' is required. Keep present tense 'do like' for emphasis. Suggestion: 'I like to go to the park' or 'I like going to parks'.

× Actually I have uh visited park, uh, last day, uh, yesterday, uh, inside Rd.

✓ Actually I visited a park yesterday on Inside Road.

Incorrect use of present perfect 'have visited' with a finished time expression 'yesterday'; simple past 'visited' should be used. Missing article before 'park' and unclear street name; use 'on Inside Road'. Remove filler words.

× I love to uh, visit, uh, to play, but now I uh, visit for my mental place and to laugh.

✓ I love to visit and play there, but now I visit for my mental well-being and to relax.

Redundant 'to' before 'play' and awkward 'mental place' and 'to laugh'. Use noun phrase 'mental well-being' or 'for my mental health' and 'to relax' instead of 'to laugh'. Keep infinitive parallelism: 'to visit and play'.

× Of course, I like to visit as much as I can in parks because par parks, uh, has that memory, uh, from my saloon to adult, uh, I love to, uh, visit every park there is a different, different kind of facilities or, uh, variety of playing something.

✓ Of course, I like to visit as many parks as I can because parks hold memories from my childhood to adulthood; I love visiting every park because each has different facilities and a variety of play options.

Multiple issues: incorrect quantifier 'as much as I can' should be 'as many parks as I can' for countable nouns; 'par parks' is unclear; subject-verb agreement 'parks...has' should be 'parks...hold'; 'saloon' likely intended 'childhood'; 'there is a different, different kind of facilities' is ungrammatical - use 'each has different facilities'. Improve word choice and sentence structure.

× Uh, infuser, I want to explore, uh, outside of my country, uh, to offer parts be because, uh, I already, uh, have, uh, Reese, like one, uh, to 10 parts in my city, so I love to visit.

✓ In the future, I want to explore parks outside of my country because I already have, I think, around ten parks in my city, so I would love to visit them.

Many problems: 'infuser' should be 'in the future'; incorrect verb phrases 'to offer parts be' unclear—use 'explore parks outside my country'; 'I already have, I think, around ten parks' conveys estimate; use 'would love to visit them' for future desire. Correct tense and vocabulary and remove fillers.