Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid repetition, and use correct singular/plural and verb forms. Add one or two specific details (what you did, who with) with linking words for coherence.

例: Yes. I loved going to parks as a child because my parents often took me there for picnics. For example, I used to play on the slides and seesaw with my younger cousin, and we would explore the flower beds nearby.

提案: Make your response direct and grammatically correct. Use one or two sentences and link cause and effect clearly (e.g., because/so). Avoid filler words like "kind of" and "maybe."

例: I still enjoy parks, but I rarely go now because I need to focus on my studies and work. As a result, I usually spend free time indoors, for example working in a cafe while listening to music.

提案: Be specific and avoid slang. Provide one clear opinion and one supporting reason or example, using linking words (for example, however).

例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because they provide green space and improve residents' wellbeing. However, I also hope to visit parks in other cities or countries to experience different landscapes and plant life.

提案: Answer directly and add a specific reason or detail. Avoid repetition and casual fillers like "yeah"; use linking words to explain why you want to visit.

例: Yes, I would like to visit Central Park in New York because I am interested in its large green spaces and famous landmarks such as the Bow Bridge. I have seen many photos online and would like to experience its atmosphere in person.

× I remember myself playing on the slides in the seesaw.

✓ I remember playing on the slides and on the seesaw.

The reflexive 'myself' is unnecessary after 'remember' and sounds unnatural. Also 'slides in the seesaw' is incorrect imagery; list the two playground items with 'and' and repeat the preposition if needed. Use the gerund 'playing' correctly without 'myself'. Suggested improvement: omit 'myself' after 'remember' and separate the items with 'and'.

× It is a wonderful place as a children for me and my parents will often take me to have a picnic in the park and to like explore the nature more so.

✓ It was a wonderful place as a child for me, and my parents often took me to have a picnic in the park and to explore nature more.

Multiple issues: tense should match past ('was' and 'took') because referring to childhood. 'as a children' is wrong number and should be 'as a child' (singular). 'will often take me' should be past 'often took me'. 'to like explore the nature' contains filler 'like' and incorrect article 'the' before 'nature'—use 'explore nature'. Also remove 'more so'. Suggested improvement: use consistent past tense, correct singular 'child', remove filler words and unneeded articles.

× I would absolutely still love to go to the park, but I have to pay more attention on the studies and work right now.

✓ I would absolutely still love to go to the park, but I have to pay more attention to my studies and work right now.

Use the correct preposition 'to' after 'pay attention' (preposition error). Also 'the studies' is unnatural; 'my studies' is clearer. This keeps present tense obligations appropriate. Suggested improvement: use 'pay attention to' and specify 'my studies'.

× So I really wouldn't have the opportunity to go now.

✓ So I really don't have the opportunity to go right now.

Mixing conditional 'wouldn't' with present time 'now' is inconsistent. The student is describing a current situation, so simple present 'don't have' is more appropriate. Also 'right now' flows better than 'now'. Suggested improvement: match verb mood to the time reference.

× But and that makes me kind of like prefer indoor activities more like spending time in a cafe, maybe listening to music and also finishing my work at the same time.

✓ That makes me prefer indoor activities, such as spending time in a café, listening to music, and finishing my work at the same time.

Starting with 'But and' is redundant and ungrammatical; choose one conjunction. 'kind of like prefer' contains fillers and weakens the verb; use 'prefer'. 'more like' is also filler. Use 'such as' to introduce examples. Simplify the list and remove unnecessary fillers. Suggested improvement: eliminate redundant conjunctions and filler words, use 'prefer' and 'such as'.

× if I had the chance I would still wanna maybe go outside my city or even outside my country to see more lovely parks and explore the nature.

✓ If I had the chance, I would still want to go outside my city or even outside my country to see more lovely parks and explore nature.

'wanna' is informal slang; use 'want to' in polite speech or writing. 'maybe' is unnecessary after 'would still want to' and weakens the sentence. 'explore the nature' should be 'explore nature' (no article). Add a comma after the conditional clause. Suggested improvement: avoid slang, remove redundant adverbs, and correct article usage.

× I would love to go outside my country, go abroad to see the Central Park in New York.

✓ I would love to go abroad to see Central Park in New York.

Use 'go abroad' rather than 'go outside my country, go abroad' (redundant). 'the Central Park' is incorrect; proper names of parks normally take no article: 'Central Park'. Simplify phrasing. Suggested improvement: remove redundancy and use the correct article (or no article) for proper nouns.

× It's a very famous park. I've seen it. I've seen people go there on social medias online.

✓ It's a very famous park. I've seen it and I've seen people go there on social media online.

'social medias' is incorrect plural; 'social media' is uncountable. The sentence fragments are understandable but can be combined: 'I've seen it, and I've seen people go there on social media.' Keep present perfect for experiences. Remove second 'online' as redundant (social media implies online). Suggested improvement: use 'social media' (uncountable) and avoid redundancy.