Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more natural and correct tense and article usage; give a clear topic sentence then one or two specific supporting details with linking words. Avoid repeating words. Also watch word choice (e.g. 'track' is unclear).

例: Yes, I enjoyed going to parks as a child. For example, I loved sliding down the playground slides and racing my friends on the grass, so those visits are some of my fondest memories.

提案: Reduce repetition and use a concise topic sentence. Give specific reasons and use linking words (e.g. 'because' or 'when') to explain when and why you go. Vary vocabulary (e.g. 'relax', 'take a walk').

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks, especially when I want to relax. For instance, I often go for a walk or sit on a bench to read a book when I have free time or feel bored.

提案: Start with a direct answer and then give specific reasons using linking words like 'because' or 'for example'. Improve grammar (use 'places where') and avoid vague phrasing.

例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because they provide space for exercise and socializing. For example, more parks would give people places to walk, run and let children play safely.

提案: Give a clear, natural topic sentence and specific details. Correct vocabulary ('picnic', 'banding' unclear—maybe 'barbecue' or 'band performance') and tense. Use linking words like 'because' to explain why you want to go.

例: Yes, I would like to visit the family park where we used to go. I want to return because we used to have barbecues and swim together there, and those memories are special to me.

× Yes, I like going to park as a track when I was a child.

✓ Yes, I liked going to parks as a child.

Original uses singular 'park' incorrectly and mixes present 'like' with past time marker 'when I was a child'. Change to plural 'parks' (common collocation) and past tense 'liked' to match the past time reference. Suggestion: use consistent tense and correct noun number: 'liked going to parks as a child.'

× I really love playing slides, running with my friends and I miss it.

✓ I really loved playing on slides, running with my friends, and I miss it.

'playing slides' is incorrect; correct phrase is 'playing on slides' or 'going on slides'. Also maintain past tense 'loved' to match childhood reference, but 'I miss it' remains present. Add comma before 'and' for clarity. Suggestion: use correct preposition 'on' with 'slides' and keep consistent tense where intended.

× Yes, I really I really like love going to parks now, especially when when I have nothing to do and sometimes when I feel bored.

✓ Yes, I really love going to parks now, especially when I have nothing to do or when I feel bored.

Sentence has repetition ('I really I really' and 'when when') and both 'like' and 'love' used together incorrectly. Choose one verb 'love' in present tense. Use 'or' to join the two conditions instead of repeating 'and sometimes'. Remove duplicated words. Suggestion: edit for concision and remove duplicates.

× Yes, I really like to see more parks in our city, especially when there's a lot of people walking, somewhere running and somewhere kids playing with their friends.

✓ Yes, I would like to see more parks in our city, especially places where many people are walking, running, and where children are playing with their friends.

'like to see' is acceptable but 'would like to see' better fits the question about desire. 'a lot of people' is fine but 'a lot of people walking, somewhere running and somewhere kids playing' is ungrammatical and uses 'somewhere' incorrectly. Use relative clauses 'places where' and parallel gerund forms 'walking, running' and 'children' instead of informal 'kids'. Suggestion: use consistent structure 'places where many people are walking, running, and where children are playing.'

× If there's a park that I want to go to in the future, that will be the family park, the family park where we used to have a banding and swimming with my family.

✓ If there is a park I want to go to in the future, it will be the family park, the park where we used to go boating and swim with my family.

Problems: repetition 'the family park' twice, awkward phrase 'have a banding' (likely intended 'boating' or 'banding' unclear) and wrong verb forms. Use 'it will be' for future reference. Use 'where we used to go boating' or 'where we used to swim with my family' (parallel structure). Also 'swim' is base form after 'used to'. Suggestion: clarify activities and avoid repetition: 'it will be the family park, where we used to go boating and swim with my family.'