Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be clearer, more accurate and concise. Start with a direct topic sentence (past tense), avoid filler words, correct vocabulary (e.g. 'benches' or 'trees' instead of 'brains'), and provide one specific supporting detail using a linking word. Keep to 2–4 sentences.

例: Yes, I enjoyed going to parks as a child. For example, I often played on the swings and explored the small wooded areas, which made me feel adventurous. Also, parks were a place where I could play games with friends.

提案: Answer directly and use correct tense and vocabulary. Say whether you still like parks, give a clear reason using linking words (because/so), avoid confusing conditional statements unless relevant, and correct phrases (a lot of work, visit parks). Keep it concise and specific.

例: Not really; I don’t often go to parks now because I have a lot of work and little free time. However, if I had more free time on weekends, I would probably visit a nearby park to relax and go for a walk.

提案: Good direct answer and clear reasons. Improve by making sentences more natural and specific, using linking words (for example, moreover), and correcting small grammar issues (helps children feel safe; when we have free time). Limit to 2–3 sentences and add a concrete example of benefit.

例: Yes, I would. More parks would give children safe places to play and families more space for picnics and exercise. For example, a new park with playground equipment and walking paths would encourage more outdoor activity.

提案: The answer is unclear and uses incorrect vocabulary. Give a direct response (Yes/No), then name a specific park or type of park you want to visit and briefly say why. Use linking words if needed and avoid metaphors like 'fog in my position' that confuse meaning.

例: Yes, I would like to visit the city botanical gardens next year because I enjoy seeing different plants and taking photos. I also want to go to the large riverside park nearby to try cycling on its long paths.

× Yes, I like going to park as a child because, umm, in park I can find, uh, a lot of brains and I can have uh, I can find a lot of things to play with. So yeah.

✓ Yes, I liked going to the park as a child because, umm, in the park I could find, uh, a lot of things and I could find a lot of toys to play with. So yeah.

Issues: definite article missing before 'park' (use 'the park' for a specific place), tense mismatch (question asks about childhood so past tense 'liked' is correct), awkward/repeated phrasing and wrong word 'brains' likely intended 'branches' or 'things'/'toys'. Suggestions: Use 'the park' and past tense 'liked'; replace unclear word 'brains' with appropriate noun such as 'things' or 'toys'; avoid repetition by combining clauses (e.g., 'I could find a lot of toys to play with').

× No, I don't usually like to go to parks now because, umm, right now I have a lot of works to do, but I can't visit the parks. Uh, if I had to feed them, I would probably uh, like to go to park and have some umm, peas.

✓ No, I don't usually go to parks now because, umm, right now I have a lot of work to do, so I can't visit the parks. If I had the time, I would probably like to go to the park and have a picnic.

Issues: awkward verb phrase 'don't usually like to go' -> simpler 'don't usually go' for current habit; 'works' is incorrect plural for 'work' (uncountable); 'if I had to feed them' is unclear and likely incorrect conditional—should be 'if I had the time' for hypothetical free time; missing article before 'park' -> 'the park'; 'have some peas' is unlikely intended, use 'have a picnic' or 'eat snacks'. Suggestions: Use correct uncountable noun 'work', express habitual actions with simple present, replace unclear conditional with 'if I had the time', and use 'the park'.

× Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because it helps children to feel secure and safe in that place and I, I and my family could have more space whenever we have a free time.

✓ Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because they help children feel secure and safe, and my family and I could have more space whenever we have free time.

Issues: plural agreement/article: 'it helps children' should be 'they help children' because 'parks' is plural; word order 'I and my family' is unnatural—use 'my family and I'; 'a free time' incorrect article—'free time' is uncountable, no article; extra 'to' after 'feel' unnecessary. Suggestions: Match verb number to plural subject ('parks' -> 'they help'), use natural pronoun order, and remove the article before 'free time'.

× Yes, I do have a lot of fog in my position to go in the future.

✓ Yes, I do have a lot of plans for places to visit in the future.

Issues: 'fog in my position' is unintelligible and incorrect collocation; 'a lot of' followed by an unclear noun; sentence does not convey intended meaning about future parks to visit. Suggestions: Clarify intended meaning—use 'plans' and 'places to visit' or 'parks I want to visit' to make the sentence meaningful and grammatically correct.