Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and use correct verb forms and smoother linking words. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words (for example, because/since/so). Avoid fillers like "uh" and repetition.

例: Yes, I did. I used to visit the park near my house every day because my parents took me there after school, and I often spent hours playing games with my friends.

提案: Give a clearer, natural reason and correct awkward phrases. Use one fluid sentence to state your opinion and one supporting sentence with specific detail. Replace vague claims with concrete information (how often, what activity).

例: Yes, I do. I still enjoy going to parks because walking and fresh air make me feel relaxed, and I usually walk there three times a week for about 30 minutes each time.

提案: Answer directly and add a specific reason with a linking phrase. Remove hesitation and repetition; mention who benefits and how. One supporting sentence is enough.

例: Yes, I would. More parks would improve public health because they encourage exercise, provide green space for families, and reduce air pollution in busy neighborhoods.

提案: Combine your sentences into a clear, natural reply and include a reason why you want to visit. Use linking words to explain why that park appeals to you and avoid repetition.

例: Yes, I would like to visit Central Park in New York because it is famous for its landscapes and attractions, and I want to see its lakes, walkways, and cultural sites in person.

× I visit parks, I visited parks every single day because, uh, my father and my mother, uh, bring me to, to the park near my house and we and I spent a lot of time there hanging with, uh, with my friends.

✓ I visited parks every single day because my father and mother would bring me to the park near my house, and I spent a lot of time there hanging out with my friends.

The sentence mixes present and past tenses ('I visit' with 'I visited' and 'bring me' with 'spent'). Use simple past consistently for a habitual action in the past: 'I visited' and 'would bring' or 'brought'. Also 'hanging with' is informal and missing the verb 'out' — use 'hanging out with'. Remove filler words and duplicate words for clarity.

× Yes, I do. I still love that uh, activity because, uh, that feeling makes me, uh, makes me happy. Umm and uh. It it, it is good for my health. I spent three days walking.

✓ Yes, I do. I still love that activity because that feeling makes me happy. It is good for my health. I walked for three days.

Remove repeated fillers and duplicate words. Maintain present tense for general truths ('I still love', 'that feeling makes me', 'It is good'). The final sentence 'I spent three days walking' is grammatical but sounds odd in context; if referring to a past continuous action, 'I walked for three days' is clearer. Ensure tense matches intended meaning.

× Yeah, sure, I would like to see more parks in my hometown because, umm, it's good for, for health, for for people, umm.

✓ Yes, I would like to see more parks in my hometown because they are good for people's health.

Use consistent subject and verb agreement and remove filler repetition. 'It's good for health' is vague; more natural is 'they are good for people's health' with plural 'parks' matched by 'they are'.

× Yes, there is one park in the future I would like to visit. Uh. Named Central Park the the main park of New York, the most iconic park in in the United States, and umm, and maybe in the whole world.

✓ Yes, there is one park I would like to visit in the future: Central Park, the main park of New York, the most iconic park in the United States and perhaps in the world.

Reposition 'in the future' after the clause for natural word order. Connect the sentence fragments into one coherent sentence and remove duplicate words. Use a colon or comma to introduce the park name. 'Perhaps' is more formal than 'maybe' here. Ensure articles and prepositions are used correctly.