Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: ปรับโครงสร้างประโยคให้ชัดเจน เริ่มด้วยประโยคตรงคำถาม จากนั้นอธิบายเหตุผลที่สั้นและชัดเจน ใช้คำที่เหมาะสมกับความหมาย (เช่น 'shy' แทน 'proud' หากหมายถึงอาย) ระวังไวยากรณ์รูปอดีต (liked, was) และหลีกเลี่ยงคำซ้ำซ้อน เช่น 'and I'm and uncomfortable, uncomfortable' ควรเชื่อมประโยคด้วย conjunctions เช่น 'because' หรือ 'so' เพื่อความลื่นไหล

例: When I was a child, I didn't like going to parks. I preferred staying at home because I was shy around many people, so I felt uncomfortable in crowded places.

提案: ปรับไวยากรณ์และรูปแบบให้เป็นธรรมชาติ: ใช้ tense ให้ถูกต้อง (present simple/conditional) และเติม articles (the/a) ให้ครบ ใช้ linking word เช่น 'however' เพื่อเชื่อมประโยค เหตุผลควรชัดเจนและกระชับ

例: I do like going to parks now if I have time because I find them relaxing and good for walking as exercise. However, I currently live in a dormitory, so I often need the school's permission to go out.

提案: ตอบโดยตรงก่อน แล้วให้เหตุผลอย่างชัดเจน หลีกเลี่ยงคำพูดที่สับสนและไม่ถูกไวยากรณ์ เช่น 'You better have reviewed a part' เปลี่ยนเป็นข้อเสนอหรือผลลัพธ์ที่ชัด เช่น 'It would reduce crowding' ใช้ linking words เช่น 'because' หรือ 'so' และให้รายละเอียดเฉพาะเจาะจง

例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because more parks would reduce overcrowding in popular areas and give people more places to relax. For example, new neighborhood parks could make outdoor exercise more accessible.

提案: เริ่มตอบตรงๆ แล้วให้รายละเอียดเฉพาะ: ระบุชื่อหรือประเภทของสวนที่ต้องการไป ใช้คำศัพท์ที่เหมาะสม (e.g., 'local park in Bangkok') แก้คำซ้ำ ('dance or dance with a music') และหลีกเลี่ยงคำที่ไม่จำเป็น เช่น 'boy' ที่ไม่เข้ากับบริบท รวมทั้งจัดประโยคให้เป็นธรรมชาติ

例: Yes. I would like to visit a popular local park in Bangkok that I saw on TikTok because many people go there to exercise and dance to music. It looks lively and fun, so I think it would be a great place to join group activities.

× Well, that's a good question. Let me think, when I was a child, I like to stay at home more than going to the park because there are very proud people and I'm and uncomfortable, uncomfortable to go with the calm people.

✓ Well, that's a good question. Let me think, when I was a child, I liked to stay at home more than go to the park because there were many proud people and I felt uncomfortable going with calm people.

The verb tense should be past ('liked', 'were', 'felt') because the speaker refers to childhood. Use 'more than go to the park' after 'liked to stay at home' for parallel structure. 'There are very proud people' should be 'there were many proud people' to match past context and use 'many' as a quantifier. 'I'm and uncomfortable, uncomfortable to go with the calm people' is ungrammatical; replace with 'I felt uncomfortable going with calm people' for correct pronoun/verb and natural phrasing.

× Actually if I have time I want to go to park to relax and walking for exercise. But now I am at dormitory so I cannot go without permission of school.

✓ Actually, if I have time I want to go to the park to relax and walk for exercise. But now I am in the dormitory so I cannot go without the school's permission.

Use 'the park' (article) and the base verb 'walk' to parallel 'relax' (verb forms should match). 'Walking' (gerund) was incorrect for this parallel structure. Use 'in the dormitory' (preposition) and 'the school's permission' (possessive) rather than 'permission of school'. Also add commas for clarity.

× Wow, that's a good question. I didn't think about it before because I didn't go to park that much, but I think it's very good. You better have, uh, reviewed a part because they reducing the crowded people to another part.

✓ Wow, that's a good question. I hadn't thought about it before because I didn't go to the park that much, but I think it's a good idea. They should have, uh, reopened some parts because they are moving the crowded people to other areas.

Use past perfect 'hadn't thought' for reference before now. Add 'the' before 'park'. Replace 'it's very good' with 'it's a good idea' for clarity. Original 'You better have, uh, reviewed a part' is unclear; changed to 'They should have reopened some parts' to convey likely intent. 'They reducing' requires auxiliary: 'they are moving' and 'crowded people to another part' becomes 'crowded people to other areas' for natural English.

× Yes I have been thinking about it boy for a while. I want to go to the locally park at Bangkok city because I saw it on TikTok that many people go to there to do some exercise or dance or dance with a music.

✓ Yes, I have been thinking about it for a while. I want to go to the local park in Bangkok because I saw on TikTok that many people go there to exercise or dance to music.

Remove extraneous word 'boy'. Use 'for a while' (correct preposition). 'Locally park' should be 'local park' (adjective order). Use 'in Bangkok' not 'at Bangkok city'. 'I saw it on TikTok that many people go to there' should be 'I saw on TikTok that many people go there'. Use 'exercise' (verb) and 'dance to music' (correct collocation) rather than 'do some exercise or dance or dance with a music'.