Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and use a clear topic sentence followed by one or two specific supporting details. Avoid redundant phrases (e.g. “it would take me every afternoon there” is awkward). Use linking words to connect ideas (e.g. “usually,” “often,” “so”).

例: Yes, I loved going to the park as a child. Usually my father took me every afternoon, where we would eat snacks and I would read books on a bench, which made it a calm daily routine.

提案: Start with a direct answer about your current preference, then briefly explain reasons with clearer vocabulary and fewer hesitations. Correct small errors (e.g. “barks” → “parks”) and use linking words like “because” and “however.”

例: Not really — I rarely go to parks now because my city is very hot most of the year. However, I do visit parks in winter when the weather is pleasant and I can enjoy the fresh air.

提案: Give a clear direct answer and avoid word mistakes (“barracks” → “parks”) and repetitions. Provide a specific reason and balance with the existing situation using linking words like “because” and “but.”

例: Yes, I would like more parks because they give children space to play and adults a place to relax after work. That said, many neighborhoods already have one or two parks, so adding larger, well-equipped parks would be most helpful.

提案: Answer directly and give vivid, specific details. Eliminate small hesitations and repeated words. Use linking words to connect interest and planned activities (e.g. “because,” “so”), and mention concrete things you want to see or do.

例: Yes, I want to visit historic Chinese gardens because they have a fairy-tale atmosphere and unique architecture. I’m interested in Chinese culture, so I would explore the pavilions and rock gardens and take photographs of the landscape.

× It would take me every afternoon there.

✓ My father would take me there every afternoon.

The original sentence has incorrect word order and unclear subject. Also 'would' indicates habitual past which is fine, but placement of 'there' is awkward. Reordering to 'My father would take me there every afternoon' clarifies subject and object and maintains past habitual meaning.

× When I was growing up, I preferred visiting theme parks more since I live in a hot area so it would be too hot to enjoy barks even in the springtime.

✓ When I was growing up, I preferred visiting theme parks because I lived in a hot area, so it was too hot to enjoy parks even in the springtime.

Multiple issues: tense mismatch (present 'live' should be past 'lived' to match 'was growing up'), word choice error ('barks' should be 'parks'), and awkward connectors. Use 'because' for reason and keep past tense consistently: 'preferred', 'lived', 'was'. This improves clarity and grammatical agreement.

× Uh, so only in winter I would go to the parks and enjoy the fresh air.

✓ I would only go to the parks in winter and enjoy the fresh air.

Placement of 'only' is better before the verb phrase for natural English. Also remove filler 'Uh, so' in written form. This keeps the past habitual 'would' and clarifies meaning.

× Yes, I would like to see more barracks because I believe that parks are are enjoyable for children after a long day of study and even adults enjoy enjoy the fresh air after a long day of work.

✓ Yes, I would like to see more parks because I believe that parks are enjoyable for children after a long day of study, and even adults enjoy the fresh air after a long day of work.

The original uses 'barracks' (wrong word) and repeats words ('are are', 'enjoy enjoy'). Replace 'barracks' with 'parks', remove duplicate words, add a comma before 'and' for clarity. This fixes word choice and repetition errors.

× I would like to visit ancient Chinese parks since they are they have this fairy tale appearance.

✓ I would like to visit ancient Chinese parks since they have a fairy-tale appearance.

The phrase 'they are they have' is redundant. Combine into a single clause: 'they have a fairy-tale appearance.' Hyphenate 'fairy-tale' as a compound adjective. This removes redundancy and corrects structure.

× I'm really interested in Chinese culture, so I would love to explore the architecture and gardens there, take photographs.

✓ I'm really interested in Chinese culture, so I would love to explore the architecture and gardens there and take photographs.

The original uses a comma splice before 'take photographs'. Use 'and' to connect coordinated verbs 'explore' and 'take' or separate into two clauses. This fixes sentence structure and creates a grammatically correct coordination of verbs.