Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Старайтесь строить ответ связно и грамматически правильно: начните с ясного тематического предложения, затем добавьте 1–2 конкретные детали. Избегайте отдельных слов вместо предложений и неправильных конструкций (например, «happy of visiting» → «happy to visit», «going to attraction and getting» непонятно). Используйте связующие слова, если даёте дополнительные примеры.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. I often went with my mother and we would visit the playground and ride small attractions. Those visits made me feel joyful and excited because I could play freely and spend time with my family.

提案: Уточняйте время и используйте правильные времена: начните с общей фразы, затем приведите конкретные действия и используйте связки («for example», «also», «because»). Избегайте повторов («attractions to attractions») и неправильных форм (например, «I'll visit park» → «I visit parks»).

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks. I often visit local parks to exercise — I jog, do stretching and simple workouts in the open air. I also sometimes go to amusement parks with friends to relive childhood memories and try different rides.

提案: Дайте прямой ответ и подкрепите его конкретной причиной или примером. Используйте корректные условные формы и порядок слов (например, «It would be better if our city had more parks»). Добавьте одну конкретную деталь о том, какие парки нужны и почему.

例: Yes, I would. It would be better if our city had more parks and recreational spaces for children and older people. For example, small playgrounds and quiet gardens would give people a place to relax after a long day and improve community life.

提案: Будьте ясны и грамматически точны: начните с утверждения о мечте, затем объясните причину конкретно и естественно. Избегайте прямых переведённых фраз («a great amount of references», «make come through my») и используйте корректные выражения для воспоминаний и фотографий.

例: Yes, I would like to visit Disneyland in the future. I have seen many photos and videos of the castle in the center, and I want to take lots of pictures to remember the trip and enjoy the attractions there.

× I was happy of visiting park with my mother and going to attraction and getting. Positive. Happiness.

✓ I was happy to visit the park with my mother and go to the attractions; I remember feeling very happy.

The preposition 'of' after 'happy' is incorrect; 'happy to' or 'happy about' are typical. Also, 'visiting park' needs the definite article 'the' and 'going to attraction' should be plural 'the attractions' or 'an attraction'. The phrase 'getting. Positive. Happiness.' is fragmented and unclear; combine into a coherent clause. Suggest using 'I was happy to visit the park with my mother and go to the attractions; I remember feeling very happy.'

× Absolutely. I'll visit park to do my exercises, workout, stretching and so on and open space.

✓ Absolutely. I visit the park to do my exercises, work out, stretch, and enjoy the open space.

Use of 'visit park' lacks the article 'the'. 'I'll' implies future but context is habitual so present simple 'I visit' is better. 'workout' as noun should be 'work out' as verb here. 'stretching' should be 'stretch' to match verb pattern. 'open space' needs 'the' or 'enjoy the open space.'

× And also I visited entertainment park with my friends to remember childhoods and we go attractions to attractions.

✓ I have also visited an amusement park with my friends to remember our childhoods, and we went from attraction to attraction.

'visited entertainment park' needs an article and a more natural noun 'amusement park'. 'to remember childhoods' should be 'to remember our childhoods'. 'we go attractions to attractions' is ungrammatical; use past tense 'we went from attraction to attraction' to indicate moving between rides.

× It would be better if our city would be full of entertainment spaces for kids, older people, just to relax after long day.

✓ It would be better if our city were full of entertainment spaces for kids and older people, so they could relax after a long day.

Use subjunctive 'were' after 'It would be better if' for hypothetical situations. 'entertainment spaces for kids, older people' needs 'and' to connect. 'after long day' needs the article 'a'. Also 'just to relax' is improved to 'so they could relax'.

× I dream to visit Disneyland park because I've seen a great amount of references with Great palace in the center of this park and I want to do a lot of photos to take memory and make come through my.

✓ I dream of visiting Disneyland because I have seen many pictures showing the great palace in the center of the park, and I want to take many photos to keep as memories.

'dream to visit' is incorrect; use 'dream of visiting' or 'want to visit'. 'Disneyland park' is redundant; 'Disneyland' suffices. 'a great amount of references' is unnatural; use 'many pictures' or 'references' with 'a great number of'. 'Great palace' should be 'the great palace'. 'do a lot of photos' is incorrect; use 'take many photos'. 'to take memory and make come through my' is ungrammatical and unclear; use 'to keep as memories.'