Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be concise and correct grammar. Begin with a clear topic sentence, avoid errors (e.g., 'write' should be 'ride' or 'play', 'already grow up' → 'have grown up'), and limit to 3–4 sentences. Add one specific supporting detail and a linking word.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. For example, my parents and I often visited the amusement park where we rode roller coasters and played carnival games. Because we spent those afternoons together, those visits remain some of my most cherished memories.

提案: Answer directly and correct tense and phrasing. Start with a clear short response ('Not at the moment'), give a reason with linking word ('because'), and finish with a brief future plan. Keep sentences natural and error-free (e.g., 'think of entertaining' → 'think about leisure', 'will become' → 'becomes', 'then I definitely go there' → 'I will definitely go').

例: Not at the moment, because I'm in my final year of high school and preparing for graduation exams, so my schedule is very busy. However, once my exams are over and my schedule becomes more relaxed, I will definitely visit parks more often.

提案: Be clear and avoid mixed or incorrect phrases. Start with a direct answer ('Yes'), explain reasons with linking words ('because'/'for example'), use specific and relevant vocabulary (e.g., 'green spaces', 'walking paths'), and correct awkward phrases ('winery sceneries' seems inappropriate). Keep it to 2–3 concise sentences.

例: Yes, I would. I think more parks would improve the city's green spaces because they provide pleasant walking paths and places for people to jog. For example, additional parks would give families safe areas to relax and children places to play.

提案: Be precise and natural. Answer directly, avoid filler words ('uh, well'), and fix grammar ('none of the parks that I really want to go' → 'there aren't any specific parks I must visit'). Use linking words to explain choice and give specific activities you expect. Limit to 3–4 sentences and correct repetition ('memorable moment moments').

例: I don't have any particular local parks I must visit, but if I had to choose a park to go to, it would be Disneyland. I want to see the themed attractions and take part in shows and parades with my friends and family, which should make for a very memorable day.

× Those outings were really memorable moments because we would spend quality time together and write or playing games.

✓ Those outings were really memorable moments because we would spend quality time together and write or play games.

The phrase 'write or playing games' mixes base form 'write' with present participle 'playing'. When using 'or' to join verbs, they should be in the same form. Use the base form for both verbs ('write or play'). Suggestion: Keep verb forms parallel when listing actions (write, play, sing, etc.).

× And I still cherish the moments even though I already grow up.

✓ And I still cherish the moments even though I have already grown up.

The clause 'already grow up' is incorrect for expressing a completed action with relevance to the present. Use the present perfect 'have grown up' (past participle 'grown') to show the change that has occurred up to now. Suggestion: Use present perfect for life changes: 'I have grown up.'

× so my schedule is packed and I hardly have any time to even think of entertaining.

✓ so my schedule is packed and I hardly have any time to even think of entertainment.

The noun 'entertaining' is a present participle used as a verb or gerund; in this context, the noun 'entertainment' or the verb phrase 'to entertain myself' is required. 'Think of entertainment' is idiomatic. Suggestion: Use the noun 'entertainment' or rephrase: 'think about entertaining myself.'

× However, when the future comes and my schedule will become much more relaxing, then I definitely go there.

✓ However, when the future comes and my schedule becomes much more relaxed, I will definitely go there.

In conditional time clauses introduced by 'when', English uses the present simple (not 'will') to refer to the future: 'when my schedule becomes'. The main clause should use 'will' to indicate future intention: 'I will definitely go.' Also 'relaxing' should be 'more relaxed' to describe the schedule's state. Suggestion: Use present simple in 'when' clause and 'will' in main clause: 'When X happens, I will do Y.'

× Well, yes, definitely I really enjoy there will be more parks in my city.

✓ Well, yes, definitely I would really enjoy it if there were more parks in my city.

The original mixes verb forms and omits an object. Use a conditional structure: 'I would enjoy it if there were more parks.' Use 'were' for hypothetical situations (subjunctive) or 'there were' for plural existence and include the dummy pronoun 'it' to receive 'enjoy'. Suggestion: Use 'I would enjoy it if...' for hypothetical preferences.

× In my opinion, parks are not only for recreation or entertainment, but it is also a perfect destination for winery sceneries for people to jog to go jogging and enjoy memorable moments with their friends and family.

✓ In my opinion, parks are not only for recreation or entertainment, but they are also perfect destinations for scenic walks, for people to go jogging, and to enjoy memorable moments with friends and family.

Pronoun 'it' does not agree with plural 'parks'—use 'they are'. 'Winery sceneries' is unclear; 'scenic walks' or 'scenery' is more natural. 'To jog' and 'go jogging' are redundant; choose one form and keep parallel structure in the list of purposes. Suggestion: Keep number agreement and parallel verb forms when listing purposes.

× Uh, well, there's currently none of the parks that I really want to go.

✓ Uh, well, there are currently no parks that I really want to go to.

Use 'there are' with plural 'parks'. 'None of the parks' is awkward here; 'no parks' is simpler. Also include preposition 'to' at the end of 'go to'. Suggestion: Use 'there are no [plural noun]' for absence and place 'to' after 'go'.

× I've heard a lot of fun characters there and I really want to socialize with them as well as attend in several fun activities with my friends and family and make memorable moment moments together.

✓ I've heard there are a lot of fun characters there, and I really want to socialize with them as well as take part in several fun activities with my friends and family and create memorable moments together.

'Heard a lot of fun characters there' is unclear; better to say 'heard there are a lot of fun characters there'. 'Attend in' is incorrect; use 'take part in' or 'attend' without 'in'. 'Make memorable moment moments' is duplicated and should be 'create memorable moments'. Suggestion: Use correct verb patterns for participation ('take part in') and avoid repetition; ensure clarity about what was 'heard'.