Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Make the answer more concise, correct grammar, and add a brief specific memory or reason. Use one clear topic sentence then one supporting detail. Avoid redundancy and keep within 2–3 sentences.

例: Yes, I loved going to parks as a child. I especially enjoyed the playgrounds and long walks because the parks were sunny and the grass was very green, so my friends and I often played tag near the slides.

提案: Provide a complete, grammatically correct sentence and add one specific reason or contrast. Use linking words (for example, because, however) and avoid filler words like 'yeah.'

例: I don’t go to parks much now because the Philippine climate is hot and humid, which makes outdoor activities uncomfortable. However, I sometimes visit shaded botanical gardens in the early morning to avoid the heat.

提案: Start with a direct answer (Yes/No) then explain with a specific reason and a brief suggestion or consequence. Improve grammar (use singular/plural correctly) and be concise.

例: Not really; my city has few parks because most residential areas are filled with tall buildings. As a result, many people rely on small community gardens or rooftops for outdoor space.

提案: Be more specific about the park and correct factual language (e.g., 'aquariums' rather than 'ocean parks' if you mean underwater exhibits). Use one clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific reasons why and avoid vague phrases.

例: In the future I’d like to visit large aquariums or ocean parks in other cities because I’ve never seen many marine species up close. For example, I’d love to see sharks and tropical fish in a walk-through tunnel to learn more about ocean life.

× When I was a child, I liked going to parks, especially that there are a lot of playgrounds in the park and we would take a lot of walk because parks in the Philippines are very sunny and the grass are greener as well.

✓ When I was a child, I liked going to parks, especially because there were a lot of playgrounds in the parks and we would take a lot of walks because parks in the Philippines are very sunny and the grass was greener as well.

Problems: incorrect conjunction/preposition use ('especially that' should be 'especially because'); plural/singular consistency and article use ('playgrounds in the park' -> 'playgrounds in the parks'); count noun with 'walk' needs plural or quantifier ('a lot of walk' -> 'a lot of walks'); verb tense/agreement ('are' describing past -> 'were'; 'grass are' -> 'grass was' because 'grass' is singular). Suggestion: use 'especially because' to introduce a reason, match tense to past when talking about childhood, make count nouns plural when appropriate, and ensure subject-verb agreement.

× Honestly I don't, the Philippine weather is very sunny and it's humid so I don't like going to parks anymore because it makes me sweat a lot and also.

✓ Honestly I don't; the Philippine weather is very sunny and humid, so I don't like going to parks anymore because it makes me sweat a lot.

Problems: run-on sentence and punctuation, redundant 'it's humid' can combine, sentence ends with 'and also' which is incomplete. Suggestion: separate clauses with a semicolon or period, combine adjectives 'sunny and humid', and remove incomplete fragments.

× No, there aren't a lot of parks in the Philippines. Most of our residential areas are filled with tall buildings already, so parks are not very prominent in my city.

✓ No, there aren't many parks in the Philippines. Most of our residential areas are already filled with tall buildings, so parks are not very prominent in my city.

Problems: 'a lot of parks' is less natural with negation; use 'many parks' or 'a lot of parks' with positive sentences. 'filled with tall buildings already' word order is awkward; move 'already' earlier. Suggestion: use 'many' after negation and place adverbs in natural positions.

× In the future, I would like to go to ocean parks. I haven't been in one, so I would like to go to ocean parks not only in my city but in other cities as well.

✓ In the future, I would like to visit ocean parks. I haven't been to one, so I would like to visit ocean parks not only in my city but in other cities as well.

Problems: preposition with 'been' should be 'been to' not 'been in'; 'go to ocean parks' is acceptable but 'visit' is more natural. Suggestion: use 'been to' for places visited and prefer 'visit' for attractions.

× For me to experience being underwater and also seeing a lot of vertebrates that aren't very common in the Philippines, especially in outdoor park.

✓ I want to experience being underwater and also see many vertebrates that aren't very common in the Philippines, especially in outdoor parks.

Problems: awkward infinitive structure ('For me to experience' -> 'I want to experience'), parallelism issue ('being underwater and also seeing' should be parallel), quantifier choice ('a lot of vertebrates' -> 'many vertebrates'), singular noun error ('outdoor park' -> 'outdoor parks') and article use. Suggestion: use a clear subject and verb, maintain parallel structure, choose appropriate quantifiers, and match singular/plural nouns.