Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be direct and clear: start with a concise topic sentence answering the question, then add one or two specific supporting details using coherent linking words. Avoid confusing tense and phrasing (e.g., "going to the past"). Use simple past to describe childhood. Keep it under five sentences.

例: Yes, I did, but not very often. As a child I usually stayed at home watching TV and reading books because my family lived far from parks. However, when I did visit a park I enjoyed playing on the swings and running around with neighbors.

提案: Answer directly using present tense. State your current preference, then give a clear reason and an example. Use linking words like "but" or "however" correctly and avoid unclear phrases such as "going to the past" or "unexplored plus."

例: Not really — I don't go to parks regularly now. However, I do enjoy visiting new parks occasionally because they offer a different atmosphere and a chance to relax away from the city. For example, I recently tried a riverside park and liked the peaceful walking trails.

提案: Give a clear opinion first, then support it with two specific reasons and a linking word like "because" or "so." Avoid vague or grammatically incorrect sentences and rhetorical questions that confuse the answer.

例: Yes, I would like to see more parks in my city because they improve air quality and provide places for people to relax. For instance, adding small pocket parks in busy neighborhoods would reduce stress for residents and encourage outdoor exercise.

提案: Be specific: name the type of park or a place you want to visit and give a reason. Use future tense correctly and provide a brief example of what you would do there. Keep it concise and coherent.

例: Yes, I would like to visit the botanical garden on the east side of the city because it has rare plants and quiet walking paths. In the future I plan to go there to take photos and learn more about native species.

× Well, I remember that I do not usually go to the past, the child back then, it's still repetitive as I'm going to the same atmosphere.

✓ Well, I remember that I did not usually go to parks as a child; back then it felt repetitive because I went to the same places.

The student uses present tense phrases ('do not usually go', 'I'm going') while referring to childhood, which requires past tense. This is a Present tense issue (ID 6). Use past simple ('did not usually go', 'went') to match the time reference. Also replace vague 'the past' and 'the same atmosphere' with 'as a child' and 'the same places' for clarity.

× So I better stay in the house watching TV's, reading books.

✓ So I preferred staying at home, watching TV and reading books.

The phrase 'TV's' incorrectly uses a possessive/apostrophe and 'the house' is awkward; also tense should match past. This fits Article errors/word choice (ID 22 and 13). Use 'at home' (no article) and plural noun 'TV' without apostrophe; change tense to past ('preferred staying') to match previous clause.

× Well, honestly speaking that I think I do not like going to the past anymore.

✓ Well, honestly speaking, I don't like going to parks anymore.

The student mixes 'going to the past' (nonsensical) and uses present tense awkwardly. The intended meaning is current dislike of parks, so use present simple 'don't like' and 'parks' instead of 'the past'. This is a Present tense issue (ID 6) and word choice.

× However, I would still like to try out some unexplored plus which give me an experience of new atmosphere.

✓ However, I would still like to try some unexplored places that would give me the experience of a new atmosphere.

'Unexplored plus' is a wrong word; 'which give me an experience' needs agreement and articles. This is Incorrect use of adjectives/adverbs and vocabulary (ID 13). Use 'places' and 'that would give me the experience of a new atmosphere' for grammatical agreement and clarity.

× Well that's a tough question because I have never thought about it, but if I had to choose I'll definitely prefer add more parks and greenery areas.

✓ Well, that's a tough question because I have never thought about it, but if I had to choose, I'd definitely prefer to add more parks and green areas.

The original mixes modal and infinitive forms incorrectly ('prefer add'). This is a Sentence structure error (ID 26). Use 'prefer to add' or 'I'd prefer adding' and 'green areas' instead of 'greenery areas.' Also add comma after introductory clause.

× This improve air quality and more places to relax.

✓ This would improve air quality and provide more places to relax.

Subject-verb agreement and tense are wrong: 'This improve' should be 'This would improve' or 'This improves' depending on context. Here it's conditional on adding parks, so 'would improve' is appropriate. This is a Present tense issue (ID 6) and subject-verb agreement (ID 27).

× Which busting areas can feel more pressured?

✓ Which busy areas might feel more crowded or stressed?

'Busting' is incorrect form and 'feel more pressured' is awkward. This is a Sentence structure and word choice error (ID 26). Use 'busy areas' and 'feel more crowded' or 'more pressured' rephrased to 'more crowded or stressed' for clarity.

× It's hard to say because most of the construction area undergoes expansion of buildings, not parks.

✓ It's hard to say because most construction areas are being expanded with buildings, not parks.

Tense and passive form need correction: 'undergoes expansion of buildings' is awkward. Use present progressive passive 'are being expanded' to describe ongoing developments. This is a Present tense issue (ID 6) and passive voice use (ID 21).

× But yeah, I will still visit several parks in the future that I had never explored.

✓ But yeah, I will still visit several parks in the future that I have never explored.

The relative clause refers to the present state (parks not yet explored), so use present perfect 'have never explored' rather than past perfect 'had never explored'. This is a Past tense issue (ID 5).