Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more natural and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence, correct tense and grammar (e.g., “I enjoyed going to parks”), avoid redundancy and limit to 2–3 supporting sentences. Use linking words (for example, “for example” or “because”) and give a specific detail to enrich the answer.

例: I enjoyed going to parks when I was a child. For example, when I was eight my dad took me to a theme park every Sunday, and we would take photos and try different rides. Those visits created many happy memories for me.

提案: Clarify intent and correct vocabulary/phrasing. Use a clear topic sentence (e.g., “Yes, I still enjoy going to parks”) and then give specific reasons using linking words like “because” or “so”. Avoid unclear phrases (e.g., “my couple”) and awkward words (“cheap meals”); choose precise words such as “partner” and “snacks.”

例: Yes, I still enjoy going to parks because I can relax with friends or my partner and eat snacks like ice cream. I also like parks for fresh air and a place to chat or exercise.

提案: Be direct and avoid hesitation or repetition. Use correct collocations (e.g., “amusement parks,” “street markets,” “cheap food”) and connect ideas with linking words like “because” or “and.” Provide one or two specific reasons why more parks or amusement parks would be beneficial.

例: Yes, I would like more parks and at least one amusement park in my city because they provide family entertainment and boost tourism. I would also welcome more street markets near parks where people can buy affordable food and local crafts.

提案: Be concise and use correct vocabulary. Begin with a clear topic sentence (e.g., “Yes — I hope to visit Disney parks in the United States”), then give 1–2 specific reasons. Avoid awkward phrases like “theme meals”; use “theme parks” or “attractions.” Use linking words such as “because” or “so I can.”

例: Yes — I hope to visit the Disney theme parks in the United States because they were my favourite childhood attractions. I want to try the rides, meet the characters I watched as a child, and experience the park atmosphere in person.

× Yes, I did enjoy a lot going to parks when I was a child.

✓ Yes, I enjoyed going to parks a lot when I was a child.

The original mixes past auxiliary 'did' with main verb 'enjoy' and has incorrect word order. Use simple past 'enjoyed' for completed actions and place adverb 'a lot' after the verb phrase. Suggestion: say 'I enjoyed going to parks a lot.'

× I remember when I was 8 years old and my dad used to take me to the theme park every Sunday and we took some pictures and we make a lot of memories.

✓ I remember when I was 8 years old my dad used to take me to the theme park every Sunday; we took some pictures and made a lot of memories.

Mixed tenses: 'used to take' (past habitual) is correct, but 'make' is present instead of past. Change 'make' to past 'made'. Also remove the extra conjunction and use a semicolon or separate sentences for clarity. Suggestion: maintain past tense throughout when describing past events.

× I really enjoyed those days.

✓ I really enjoyed those days.

This sentence is correct. It uses simple past 'enjoyed' to refer to past experiences, which matches context.

× Yes, I do enjoy going to parks still now Co because I can go with my friends or my couple and I like to eat ice cream and a lot of cheap meals those days.

✓ Yes, I still enjoy going to parks because I can go with my friends or my partner, and I like to eat ice cream and inexpensive snacks now.

Problems: awkward adverb placement 'still now Co', incorrect noun 'my couple', and 'cheap meals those days' mixes time references. Use present simple 'enjoy' for habitual present. Replace 'my couple' with 'my partner' or 'my boyfriend/girlfriend' and 'cheap meals' with 'inexpensive snacks' or 'affordable food'. Place time adverb 'still' before the main verb or after subject: 'I still enjoy'.

× I would love to see more par parks in my city.

✓ I would love to see more parks in my city.

Typo/repetition 'par parks' should be plural 'parks'. Keep plural because 'more' requires plural noun. Suggestion: remove duplicate and use 'parks'.

× Uh, there's no amusement parks here nearby, but I would really enjoy to have those ones.

✓ Uh, there are no amusement parks nearby, but I would really like to have some.

'There's' (there is) is singular but 'amusement parks' is plural; use 'there are'. Also 'enjoy to have' is incorrect; use 'would like to have' or 'would enjoy having'. 'Those ones' is informal; 'some' is more natural. Suggestion: use correct 'there are' with plural nouns and the phrase 'would like to'.

× Also I would love to enjoy going to the street marker markets or anything that has to do with like cheat meals or parts.

✓ Also, I would love to go to the street market or anything that has to do with cheap meals or arts/crafts.

Multiple issues: 'enjoy going to the street marker markets' has misspelling 'marker' and awkward phrasing; after 'would love to' use base verb 'go' not 'enjoy'. 'Cheat meals' likely intended 'cheap meals'; 'parts' unclear—maybe 'arts' or 'parks'. Suggestion: use 'go to the street market' and correct vocabulary to 'cheap meals' and intended noun 'arts' or 'parks'.

× One of my dream goals is to go to the United States and go to the Disney parks.

✓ One of my dream goals is to go to the United States and visit the Disney parks.

'Go to the United States and go to the Disney parks' is repetitive; use 'visit' for variety and clarity. Present 'is to' plus base verb 'go' expresses future intention; 'visit' is more natural.

× I think that's my childhood dream 'cause I wanna enjoy all the Disney theme meals and also see the characters I used to enjoy to watch when I was a little kid.

✓ I think that's my childhood dream because I want to enjoy all the Disney theme rides and see the characters I used to enjoy watching when I was a little child.

Informal contractions: use 'because' and 'want to' in formal speech. 'Theme meals' is incorrect; likely 'theme rides' or 'theme parks'/'attractions'. 'Used to enjoy to watch' is ungrammatical: after 'used to' use base verb, and 'enjoy' takes gerund 'watching' not infinitive. Change to 'used to enjoy watching'. Suggestion: replace colloquial 'wanna' with 'want to', correct nouns and verb forms.