Parks— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence, fix tense and prepositions, and avoid redundancy. Use one or two specific details connected with linking words.

例: Yes, I loved going to the park as a child. My parents often took me to a small park near our house, where I made friends and enjoyed sliding and swinging, which helped me burn off energy and create happy memories.

提案: Clarify contrast and use correct tenses and linking words. Begin with a topic sentence stating your preference, then explain with specific reasons and a linking word (e.g., 'however' or 'but'). Keep it within 3–4 sentences.

例: I have mixed feelings about parks now. When I go with my family I often get bored because we usually just sit and talk; however, when I go with friends we play games and I have a great time, so I enjoy those visits much more.

提案: Give a direct answer, then support it with specific reasons using linking words. Correct grammar (renovated/maintained) and avoid repetition. Mention concrete improvements.

例: Not necessarily — I think our city has enough parks. However, the existing parks should be renovated and better maintained for children's safety, for example by repairing broken equipment and adding soft ground surfaces.

提案: Start with a clear topic sentence, then give a specific example and reason. Use correct articles and noun forms (a water park, a water coaster) and keep it concise.

例: I don't have a particular park in mind, but I'd love to visit a water park with my friends. For example, a park with water slides and a wave pool would be fun because we could cool off and enjoy thrilling rides together.

× My parents used to Take Me Out the park nearby and I used to make new friends when I was in the park and slide down and swing around and burn off the all the energy.

✓ My parents used to take me to the park nearby, and I used to make new friends when I was in the park, sliding down, swinging around, and burning off all the energy.

Errors: incorrect capitalization 'Take Me Out', wrong preposition 'out the park' should be 'to the park', unnecessary article 'the' before 'all the energy', and inconsistent verb forms. Use lowercase for verbs, 'take someone to a place' is correct, and present participle forms (sliding, swinging, burning) are natural for listing ongoing/recurring actions. Also remove the extra 'the'. Suggestion: use 'take me to the park' and parallel present participles for the activities.

× To be honest, if I'm going to park with my family, I don't like going to park 'cause I get bored all the part, all the time in the park.

✓ To be honest, if I go to the park with my family, I don't like going to the park because I get bored the whole time.

Errors: missing definite article before 'park' ('the park'), incorrect verb tense 'I'm going to park' (use simple present for habitual actions: 'I go'), awkward phrase 'all the part, all the time' should be 'the whole time'. Also replace colloquial ''cause' with 'because' in formal speech. Suggestion: use 'go to the park' and 'the whole time'.

× But when I'm going to park with my friends, I used to play around with my friends.

✓ But when I go to the park with my friends, I play around with them.

Errors: mixed tenses. 'I'm going to park' is wrong for habitual action; use simple present 'I go'. 'I used to play' indicates a past habit, conflicting with present context. Use present habitual 'I play around with them'. Also use 'them' to avoid repetition. Suggestion: maintain consistent present tense for current habits.

× I had so much fun when I'm with there, I'm over the moon when I'm with.

✓ I have so much fun when I'm with them; I'm over the moon when I'm with them.

Errors: incorrect pronoun placement and form: 'when I'm with there' should be 'when I'm with them'. Tense inconsistency: 'I had' (past) vs 'I'm' (present). Use present tense 'I have' to match 'I'm'. Also repeat 'them' or rephrase to avoid trailing 'with'. Suggestion: use 'have' for present experience and 'them' as object pronoun.

× Well no because I think this city already has enough parks but I think the the parks already existed should be renovate and maintenance for the kids safety because they are playing around there and they should they shouldn't be get injured or anything.

✓ Well, no, because I think this city already has enough parks, but I think the parks that already exist should be renovated and maintained for the kids' safety because they play there and should not get injured.

Errors: duplicate 'the the', incorrect tense/form 'parks already existed' should be 'parks that already exist', wrong verb forms 'should be renovate and maintenance' should be 'should be renovated and maintained', incorrect possessive 'kids safety' should be 'kids' safety', and awkward double modal 'they should they shouldn't be get injured'—use 'should not get injured'. Suggestion: use correct passive participles 'renovated' and 'maintained', correct possessive apostrophe, and simplify modal negatives.

× Well to be honest I don't have a specific park in my mind but I would love to go water playground with my friends and have fun with them or maybe some water coaster which is I think I would be had so much fun especially when I'm with my friends.

✓ Well, to be honest, I don't have a specific park in mind, but I would love to go to a water playground with my friends and have fun with them, or maybe try a water coaster; I think I would have so much fun, especially with my friends.

Errors: unnecessary 'in' in 'park in my mind' (use 'park in mind' or 'park in my mind' both acceptable but 'in my mind' is okay—kept as 'in mind' corrected), missing preposition 'go to a water playground', awkward clause 'which is I think I would be had so much fun' should be 'I think I would have so much fun'. Use 'try a water coaster' for clarity. Maintain consistent tense 'would have'. Suggestion: add 'to' after 'go', use 'have' as main verb for conditional enjoyment, and simplify sentence structure.